Salt
here's a scale, weight it out.
He makes you happy. You're on top of the world, hugs, kisses, love; and he gave you a rose and you gave your heart. You went to a beach and you said you loved the sky and he said he loved you. You saw green flames and tasted salty air and he laughed and you laughed and it was so, so sunny that you could feel your hair bleach lighter.
But.
But now it all rests on a number in black type.
Now you're naked, bared and anxious. Now your knees hurt from the bathroom floor and there's a red mark on your knuckle from where you scraped it on your teeth. Now you avoid your body, now you don't look [if you can't see it, it can't be there, can it?]. Your breathe smells of mint and and not of salt and you remember, fuck, you remember..
He makes you miserable.
Hugs [oh can he feel the fat], kisses [he can taste the hate on your breath],love [for how long?], he gave you a plastic rose so that it would last forever but you don't think it will. You gave him your heart and you're waiting for it back, soon, checked out like a library book. You went to a stormy bay. The sky was grey and overcast, reflecting it's gloom on the waves below; you said it was beautiful; you loved it. He said he loved you, and you smiled at him like he wasn't a liar. You burnt a tree that had been clinging to the edge of the cliff and the salt sprayed into your mouth with water from the angry waves. You laughed because the tree was dying and he laughed because he was so high he couldn't not. You think the flames and the salty sea bleached your hair an uneven shade.
You went home and you cried and he cried with you. He's still crying, now, you can hear his catching sobs and you don't feel bad. It doesn't scare you, this disconnection, but it's not like you would be capable of fear. You are hate and hate is you. You are a deformed, malfunctioning creep, reveling in bones and laughing with death. You want to kill everyone, want to watch them burn and you want to hear them cry and scream and die.
Or,
or you want to kill yourself.
The scale says 7st but all you see is black.
But.
But now it all rests on a number in black type.
Now you're naked, bared and anxious. Now your knees hurt from the bathroom floor and there's a red mark on your knuckle from where you scraped it on your teeth. Now you avoid your body, now you don't look [if you can't see it, it can't be there, can it?]. Your breathe smells of mint and and not of salt and you remember, fuck, you remember..
He makes you miserable.
Hugs [oh can he feel the fat], kisses [he can taste the hate on your breath],love [for how long?], he gave you a plastic rose so that it would last forever but you don't think it will. You gave him your heart and you're waiting for it back, soon, checked out like a library book. You went to a stormy bay. The sky was grey and overcast, reflecting it's gloom on the waves below; you said it was beautiful; you loved it. He said he loved you, and you smiled at him like he wasn't a liar. You burnt a tree that had been clinging to the edge of the cliff and the salt sprayed into your mouth with water from the angry waves. You laughed because the tree was dying and he laughed because he was so high he couldn't not. You think the flames and the salty sea bleached your hair an uneven shade.
You went home and you cried and he cried with you. He's still crying, now, you can hear his catching sobs and you don't feel bad. It doesn't scare you, this disconnection, but it's not like you would be capable of fear. You are hate and hate is you. You are a deformed, malfunctioning creep, reveling in bones and laughing with death. You want to kill everyone, want to watch them burn and you want to hear them cry and scream and die.
Or,
or you want to kill yourself.
The scale says 7st but all you see is black.
♠ ♠ ♠
A scale, a mirror and those indifferent clocks.