Papers and Ink

On the first day of school, Sehun sits next to Luhan and if it isn’t for the obvious tan that Luhan developed over the summer, Sehun would have thought that it’s still the same as last year and the year before. Sehun makes himself comfortable in the vinyl upholstery, but not too comfortable to the point where his shoulders would brush against the elder’s lean ones.

Sehun and Luhan lives in two different worlds and he was painfully aware of that fact.

So as the engine gears up once more, Sehun steals a glance at Luhan then closes his eyes; thinking that this is going to be last year all over again. The bus ride lasts an hour and a half and for some reason, Luhan is always writing.

On the second day of school, something is amiss with Xi Luhan. Oh Sehun notices his crumpled shirt and ruffled hair as he sits down beside him for the millionth time. Again, the only sign of acknowledgement that Luhan offers is a tight smile and Sehun simply looks down and tries to avoid him for the rest of the ride.

He’s never good with conversing; which is why even on his third year of high school, the number of people he talked to were slim to none and his friends (if he had any) where his relatives and family members. Trying to not be too aware of Luhan’s presence, Sehun looks out through the window. Everything outside is a blur of dark green and light blue, but it’s not enough to distract him from his erupting, self-destructing thoughts. Sehun never thinks he’s good enough. Cuts line his arm (which is always covered with long-sleeves) and his system is constantly filled with pills that drown him to sleep. He’s still a victim of depression and you know what the worse thing is?

Oh Sehun can’t remember a time when he was ever, truly, stupidly, sincerely, happy.

Amidst his personal issues, Luhan is still writing beside him.

Two weeks have passed and Sehun’s depression is catching up to him. It seems like everything he tries to do is always in vain. At school, he’s faced with constant pressure and at home, he’s always getting nagged by his parents and compared to other kids his age. Being quite is something that Oh Sehun is good at. He’s been keeping his feelings inside ever since he can memorize the multiplication table.

His eyes were ringed with dark circles underneath as he stumbles to his usual spot next to Xi Luhan. Again, his mess of a honey-blonde hair is bent over a small piece of paper as he scribbles incoherent words down to which Sehun pays no heed to as he leans against the seat.

Sehun rubs his eyes in an attempt to completely dry off the tears he shed earlier. Somehow, the shifting of his arms caused Luhan to look at him in a way that he never did before. Sehun looks back and they stare at each other until Sehun is forced to look away because he’s never looked at someone that long before. During the time that Luhan observed him, he must have noticed the moisture in his eyes for Sehun finds a hand in front of him holding out a tissue. He smiles politely at Luhan as he takes it, but he’s hesitant because the tissue isn’t just a normal tissue.

It is filled with words written in a messy scrawl.

So instead of using it to wipe his tears, Sehun finds himself reading the content of the tissue when Luhan isn’t looking. He doesn’t know what to call it but he thinks that it’s beautiful as he reads on, “I want to be like the waves in the sea. I want to be like the clouds in the wind. But I’m me. One day, I’ll jump out of my skin and shake the sky like a hundred violins.”

These words rattle Sehun’s insides and he wraps his arms around him to keep warm and to stop himself from shivering; because the words hit home. Momentarily, he thinks of his situation and a tiny peek of light is shed in his otherwise melancholy life. For the first time in his life; he had been moved by words.

A month passed and Luhan just isn’t the same. Only this time, Sehun knows the reason why. In their campus, Luhan is quite the popular jock who hangs out with all the rich and other popular kids but Sehun has been hearing murmurs and hushed voices of Luhan being chucked out of that cliché. People around him were talking about how Luhan wrote letters for each and every one of his friends and told them the reason why he doesn’t want them anymore. Basically, he just told the truth.

Sehun doesn’t mind that at the very least as he leans his head against the scratched glass windows of the school bus. His head is facing towards Luhan who was, as always; writing something down. It must have been the fact that the sun is scorching hot and takes its toll on Sehun or it’s just Luhan’s intoxicating evergreen scent now, but Sehun moves to Luhan and peers over his shoulder.

Instead of hiding what he’s scribbling, Luhan shifts to the side to let Sehun see more of what he’s writing. “Say yes to what the universe puts in front of you, even when there’s no knowing how it would turn out. Listen to your intuition with nothing less than awe. Don’t listen to doubting whispers or negative self talk. Who do you think you are? You are someone with a dream, like me.”

This makes Sehun smile and Luhan chuckle lightly. Sehun peers and Luhan keeps on writing.

It became a habit of them every single morning and afternoon as they ride in the bus. But it isn’t until after two months when Luhan accidentally pulls Sehun’s sleeves up to reveal a vertical array of scars and bruises up Sehun’s arm. The younger awkwardly pulls away and ignores the doe-eyed boy for the rest of the ride.

That afternoon as Sehun peers down once more, Luhan writes “I ask you here to please agree with me that a scar is never ugly. That is what scar makers want us to think. But you and I, we must make an agreement to defy them. We must see all scars as beauty, okay? This will be our secret. Because, take it from me. A scar does not form on the dying. A scar means; I survived.”


Their relationship progresses through a series of words secreted in ink on every piece of paper that Luhan can find. Be it a torn page from a library book or a napkin in one of those Bubble Tea shops that they frequent, if it’s paper; Luhan will write there. It’s been more than a year and as Luhan scrunches his nose adorably at Sehun’s direction, he hands him a crumpled paper; too bad that Luhan distracted him that time so the note is momentarily forgotten in the depths of his jean pocket.

A week and a few laundry soaps later, Sehun unearths the note and it causes a trail of hot tears streaming down his face before it breaks out into a satisfied smile.



“And I will write from sunrise until the evening in hopes that my words could touch another soul and maybe that’s you, sitting by the negatives. A bunch of negativity and questions about your relevance. Im here to tell you that you’re amazing and talented and don’t call it quits just cause it ain’t happening yet. A million ‘likes’ doesn’t tell me who you are but a star is represented by the passion in their heart. I want to tell you I love you but you know that I can’t. I’d scream love to your ears and whisper sweet words unto your neck but I can’t. I wish that I was born with a voice that could proclaim my feelings for you until dawn but I’m not so I’ll continue writing and hoping that my feelings will get through you via paper and ink.”