Here With Me

March 3rd, Sunday

He glared at me. "How could you?!" Hudson yelled. "Why?!"

I shuddered and woke up.

I heard the shower turn off in the bathroom, must've been Christian. Not long after, the door opened and he came out with a towel wrapped around his waist. He smiled when he saw that I was awake and I couldn't help but smile back.

"Good morning." He grinned.

"Good morning." I replied, pulling the sheet up to my neck. My clothes were in the other room.

"How was your sleep?" He hummed, crawling onto the bed and laying next to me. He used his elbow to prop himself up and looked down at me.

"It was good." I bit my lip.

He smiled softly, "Same here. Best I've had in a long time." He leaned down and kissed me, he smelled like body wash.

"Did you want breakfast?" He asked.

"Um...no it's okay, I'm not really a breakfast person." I lied, but I didn't want him to make me a meal, that's Hudson thing.

"Okay, then did you want to take a shower?"

"Yeah sure." I nodded, sitting up, still holding the sheet to my chest.

"You don't need to be shy anymore." He chuckled, watching me.

I blushed and took a deep breath, dropping the sheet and getting out of bed. I could feel his eyes on me as I walked around the bed to the bathroom.

In the shower, I covered my face, "I'm sorry." I whispered. That dream felt so real...felt completely guilty, like my stomach was churning with it. I recalled every moment since Friday...it's hard to believe it's already been three days. This isn't Bridges of Madison County and I'm not Meryl Streep, I need to come to complete terms with this, as does Christian.

The hot water beat down on my skin, I wished that it would be enough to wash away these feelings, toward Christian. He even asked me last night if I would consider leaving Hudson for him...I could never do that.

I got out of the shower and wrapped myself in a towel and went out into the living room where he was sitting, watching the news on the t.v. I went and sat next to him, first watching the screen but then sighing and turning to him.

"What are we doing?" I sighed.

"Watching the news?" He said, making a face.

"No, I mean this. Me having an affair with you, you asking me to leave Hudson. We both know this isn't gonna last, so why are we doing it?"

"Avery, I believe this can last. What's wrong?" He turned off the t.v and faced me.

"Christian, I just don't think we can do this...we need to stop." I looked down.

"I don't want to." He whispered, placing his hand on mine. "Can we just give this a chance?"

I looked up at him, that look in his eye, that longing. It alarmed me.

"Let's go out today. We can go to the park or go shopping or something. I just want to spend the day with you." He bit his lip.

I thought for a moment and nodded. "Okay."

He smiled.

We went for a walk in the park, I felt a bit over dressed, even though they couldn't see my dress (which was covered by my coat) I was wearing Louboutins; a little too fancy for going for a stroll.

"Did you do any extra-curricular things when you were a kid?" He asked.

I laughed, "What?"

He laughed too, "Did your parents make you like, go to piano lessons or were you on a soccer team or something?"

"Oh, I took ballet when I was five till I was 15." I replied.

"You were a ballerina?" He chuckled.

"Yeah! I was pretty good too." I blushed.

"Why did you stop?"

"I knew that ballet wasn't something I wanted to make a career out of, so I gave it up. There was no point of carrying on with it. Journalism is what I wanted." I replied.

"Do you miss it?" He asked.

"At first, it was a big heartbreak to let it go but after a while, the feeling went away. I no longer miss it, but I still love watching it. It's beautiful and artistic and expressive."

"What did your brothers do?" He asked.

"Jonathan was the baseball star." I laughed, "He still is a star in my mind. And Paulie never was into sports, he liked his art, he's a great artist. And he also did drama, he really loved that."

"And you said Paul is the oldest?"

I nodded.

"So when did he come out?" He asked.

"You mean when he told us he was gay?"

He nodded.

"Um...I think when he was 18, yeah, 18." I replied.

"Hm."

"Why do you ask?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "Just wondering I guess."

I watched him for a moment but just let it go, looking ahead again.

"So were your parents pretty upset then?" He asked.

I stopped and looked at him. "Upset? At?"

"...well, Paul being gay." He replied.

"Wow, that's insensitive of you. No Christian, they weren't upset. We were all supportive of him. My parents accept us for who we are and homosexuality does not change that." I glared at him.

"I'm sorry, I just meant that you know, when you have kids you envision their futures, you know, your son meeting a nice girl and marrying her. Not your son meeting a nice guy. We don't hope for our children to be gay. We want them to grow up...normal, you know?"

"Wow, normal. Where is this coming from?" I shook my head.

"Nowhere! I was just saying that it would be something that would concern me."

"Christian, are you against gay people having the same rights as everyone else?" I asked.

"Well, I just don't think it's right for them to be getting married and all of that. It's weird. And when they adopt kids or whatever and teach them that it's alright to be that way, why would anyone teach their kids that?"

"Because it's teaching them to be accepting of everyone. I think everyone, regardless of their sexual orientation or gender or race or age or social class, have every right to have get married and have babies and have a life. I know you are entitled to your own opinion, but when you know that my brother is gay and you talk about him and those alike in such an arrogant way, that angers and hurts me."

He sighed and held me by my shoulders, "Avery, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything."

"No, no I'm actually glad you did. Now I know who you really are and how you really feel about something so dear to my heart." I stepped back and turned around, walking away.

"Avery! Where are you going?" He called after me.

"Home. The loft that Hudson and I share." I called back but not looking back. I've made my decision, I'm picking my husband.