Here With Me

I was in my apartment alone, working on an assignment that should've been finished yesterday. I hadn't talked to Christian since this morning and had been ignoring his calls and texts. As I was typing at my laptop, the door buzzer went off. I furrowed my brow and looked out the window; Christian's car was parked in front of my building. I rolled my eyes and sighed as I got up and walked across the room to the door.

"Yes?" I answered in an annoyed tone.

"Avery, I stepped out of line. Can I come up to apologize?" He asked.

I let out a deep sigh. I really didn't want him up here, this is my haven, my safe house from the outside world, he would only taint it.

"Yeah I guess so." I answered, buzzing him up. So I walked to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water, taking a sip and waiting for him to come up.

There was a soft knock at my door so I went to go answer it.

He leaned against the door frame giving me this "I'm sorry" look. Not saying anything, I opened the door wider and gestured him in.

"You okay?" He asked, walking in. What a dumb question

"Yeah I'm fine." I replied.

"You sure?" He asked as he came back, he leaned down to kiss me.

I stepped back. "Positive." I turned and walked toward the counter, taking my water.

"Avery, I am so very sorry. I was way out of line when I said those things, I shouldn't have said them. They were hurtful and rude. The last thing I want to do is hurt you." He sighed.

"It's fine Christian. Apology accepted. You can leave now, since that was all you came up here for." I crossed my arms over my chest.

"No, I actually came up here for something else."

I looked at him.

"I came to answer your question. 'What are we doing?'...Avery, we are taking a chance at something that's crazy and risky and amazing. You and I can be more than amazing together."

"No we can't, Christian." I replied in an exasperated tone. "I'm married. Hudson and I can be amazing together, not you and I."

"Then why are you doing this? Making me fall for you."

"I'm not making you do anything. You walked into the office and declared love for me, that's all you Christian."

"Avery! You flirt with me all the time, you run your fingers through my hair, compliment me, tease me, come to my home when I'm sick to take care of me. What is that? Being friendly?"

"It is. I'm that way with all my friends! Kennedy, Gemma, Jules, Jack, Amelia and countless others. What may seem flirting to you is actually me being friendly. I've always been this way." I rolled my eyes.

"But why then did you sleep with me? You're giving me this, this false hope. You said you wanted to stop time. Shouldn't that be code for, 'I want to be with you forever'?"

"No, I wanted to stay in that moment. There's a difference!"

"Really? 'Cause it didn't feel that way and it didn't seem that way when we spent these past days together. You made it seem like everything was perfect." He glared at me.

I just stared at him, I was so mad.

"You know, while you were sleeping...I couldn't help but notice your scars..." He spoke, changing his tone now.

I still didn't say anything.

"And that guy I punched was Eric...How long were you with him?" He asked, turning and walking toward the window, looking out.

I looked over my shoulder at him for a moment, confused. "Four years."

"Four years?"

I furrowed my brow, "Yes, why are you all of a sudden asking about this?"

"At the club you told me the last time you cheated...you ended up in the hospital." He turned around and leaned against the window sill.

I didn't say anything and just watched him.

"So you've cheated before."

"Yes."

"With?"

"Christian, this is getting really personal." I gritted my teeth as I turned my body to completely face him now. I really wanted to punch him.

"I know it is but I need to know." He sighed.

"Why do you need to know? It's none of your business."

"Because I think I deserve to! You tell me all these stories of your childhood and all your deepest, darkest secrets, but you won't tell me the one single detail that can at least give me some insight on why you want to stop seeing me. Avery, just tell me!"

"I cheated on him with Hudson!" I yelled. "Happy?"

He gave me a surprised look. "Wait, you mean that you and Hudson got together by that?"

"Eric and I didn't officially break up, okay? He found out and beat me till I was unconscious." I looked away.

"So then wait, Hudson was a rebound guy. You turned to him right after you got out of a relationship with Eric."

"What is with you and being so rude toward me? What are you some sort of shrink? Hudson and I got together because he gave me everything that Eric couldn't. Honesty, a meaningful relationship. Security. Things that I should be giving him." I glared at him.

"Wait, so you're saying you regret last night?" He replied.

"I told you I felt guilty." I spoke.

"Okay okay, Avery, I don't wanna fight anymore." He held up his hands as if in surrender.

"Fine."

After a pause in this tense moment, he looked at me again. "One last question."

I rolled my eyes and looked at him, fuming with anger. "What?"

"You stayed with Eric for four years. He's left you with three scars...were those from that night he put you in the hospital? When he found out?"

I shook my head.

He ran his hands through his hair as if he was exasperated and then he snapped. "Then why did you stay with him for so long? Why did you let him abuse you?"

I was taken aback by what he said. "Wait, what? You think I let him do this to me by my own consent? He would get angry and hit me, okay? And so, maybe, maybe I was being a stupid kid believing him when he'd tell me he'd never do it again, but he was my first love and I didn't want to let him go. I was 18 when we first met and I fell in love, you can't just dismiss that fact when you're considering leaving a person. That is why I stayed with him for so long. Does that answer your question?" I angrily answered his disrespectful question.

"Avery, I'm sorry okay, but I just can't imagine anyone ever hurting you. What are you doing?" He watched me storm toward the door.

"Showing you out!" I shouted.

"What? Avery, come on." He rolled his eyes.

"No, you come on Christian. You have the audacity to come to my home, my haven from the world, and you ask me these all questions, and then proceed to accuse me of submitting to Eric's abuse willingly. You don't know Eric, you don't know Hudson, and you don't know me! I can't believe I let you into my life like this." I threw open the door and waited for him to leave.

"Avery, stop. Please, I am so sorry. I can be impulsive and I don't think. I'm sorry." He stopped me and held me by my shoulders. He tried stroking the side of my face but I pushed him away.

"Don't. Stop that! Stop acting like you're this gentle, understanding person. Do you know what you're asking me to do? To leave my husband. This isn't some Hollywood movie, Christian. You and I don't have a future. This is nothing."

"Avery, please don't ask me to leave. Please, I'm sorry." He dragged his hands through his hair.

"Christian. I've made my choice. I'm choosing my husband. I married him for a reason and I have made the biggest mistake of my life by spending last night with you!" I spoke, looking down.

He didn't say anything, he looked at me with this hurt expression and then looked away. He just slowly walked out and disappeared from the doorway. I shut the door and leaned against it. I did it. And I don't feel any better. Burying my face in my hands I slid down against the door and felt sick to my stomach; I was going to tell Hudson and...I wasn't sure if he would ever forgive me. If I were him, I wouldn't. Oh what have I done? How could I have been so foolish, so weak, so selfish.

I leaned against the door for a long time, staring across the room completely lost in thought when my phone rang, startling me. Still in somewhat of a daze, I began crawling across the floor toward the table, taking the phone and sitting back down.

It was Hudson and I could feel my heart breaking. I answered it and shut my eyes tightly, my throat feeling like it was parched.

"Hey." My voice cracked.

"Hello darling, how are you?" He spoke in his cheerful tone. I balled up my fist in my hair.

"I'm fine, I'm good." I replied, trying to sound as normal as possible.

"Avery, what's wrong?"

"Nothing...I just miss you, so much." I cleared my throat, tears beginning to stream down my face.

"Oh, Avery I miss you too, don't cry now. I'm coming home on Friday. That's what I called to tell you, we found a place." I could even see his comforting expression in my mind.

Wiping away the tears and trying my best to compose myself and keep the sobs at bay, I forced myself to sound as cheerful as possible. "Really? Aw, that's so great. What's it like?"

"Well it's right close to Spitalfields Market, right in the best part of London in my opinion anyway, you know, lots of tourists, where all the action happens. Like it's close to the market and this place is very bohemian, very cultural, and I love the fresh fruit and vegetables which will be perfect for the restaurant. It's actually quite by luck that we got it, you know? We were lucky to find a spot for lease there, we actually almost didn't get it. I had to persuade the seller for a while but he gave in. And it's perfect too, since we have a sort of a cultural eclectic menu and place anyway, so we'll fit right in with the location."

"Wow, I can't wait to see it. I'm so happy for you Hudson, I really am." I rubbed my forehead.

"Thank you darling. You'll absolutely love it, it's 5250 sq. feet, plenty of room. Aw, I'm so excited, like I can't even describe it! And we've already hired a contractor and we'll be spending this week with him just planning everything out."

"Everything sounds so good." I felt sick to my stomach.

"Oh! And I got a haircut, I completely forgot to tell you."

"Really?" I lightly laughed, I couldn't help but smile. "Is it the usual?"

"No, it's so different. Jules' sister is an apprentice hairstylist and she asked me to be one of her models, so I agreed and ended up with this crazy 'do." He laughed. "At first I hated it and was so mad, but it's growing on me. I like it. It's like, shaved around the sides and back and the top is left longer. It's pretty cool."

"I can't wait to see it." I covered my eyes, still trying to keep the tears at bay. I went quiet.

"Avery, really, tell me the truth, are you okay?" He asked.

I felt like I was about to blurt everything out but I knew that I needed to tell him the truth in person, the truth about...my unfaithfulness.

Tears were streaming down my face, "I just miss you, a lot. This is the first time we've been away from each other since we first got married. I miss you."

"Awe, babe it's okay, really. I'll be back on Friday, it's not that long away. I miss you too, so much, but this is a trip I needed to make, it's the first step toward our future. Once the restaurant has started up we can live here in London, you'll be a housewife and I'll take care of us. Please don't cry no more, I love you and I don't want you to hurt."

And I don't want you to hurt, but soon it will be inevitable.

I nodded and tried to stop my crying, "I love you too Hudson."

"I have to get going now, but don't cry anymore, I'll be home before you know it. Take care of yourself Avery, I love you and I'll call you tomorrow."

"Okay, I love you. Bye." I whispered.

"Bye."

I threw my phone down and sobbed harder into my hands. How could I have done this?