Here With Me

March 23rd, Saturday
4:48am

I jolt awake and my heart is racing, I can feel a cold sweat beginning. Quickly I looked to my right and was immediately comforted by seeing Hudson asleep next to me. Pulling the blanket up to my chin, I nestled myself against his warm body. When he stirred, I silently prayed that he'd fall back asleep but he slowly opened his eyes and stared right at me. He furrowed his brow and wrapped his arm around me, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Just go back to sleep." I shook my head, closing my eyes.

He ignored me. "Another bad dream? Was it Eric again?" He murmured, still groggy but awake enough to persist. I hesitated but sighed, "Not him. You."

He blinked and cleared his throat, "Me? Was I hurting you?"

"No, no, nothing like that." I quickly replied. "I just...when we weren't talking, and you weren't here, I was having more nightmares than usual. They're just of you not being here. Like, you're gone, for good." The thought pained me and I clutched the blanket.

He frowned and slowly shook his head, "It was just a dream Avery. I'm never going to leave you."

"Please don't. I don't think I could take it." I whispered, closing my eyes tightly and burying my face against his chest. He repositioned us so he could now wrap both arms around me, holding me close and kissing my hair. "I'm never going to leave you. My heart wouldn't be able to take such anguish. Believe me Avery, I'm here to stay."

I nodded, "Can we just go back to sleep? Please."

He paused but let out a soft sigh, "Okay."

Later that morning I was sitting at the kitchen island having a light breakfast while I looked through an old photo album I dug up earlier. Hudson came into the kitchen wearing just his sweatpants as he towel-dried his hair, he smiled and came around the island to see what I was looking at.

"What's with the goofy grin?" He asked, planting a soft kiss on my shoulder.

"Baby pictures. I found my old photo album just now, thought I'd take a stroll down memory lane." I chuckled, turning the page and laughing at a picture of me as a toddler on the back patio of my family's home, playing with sunglasses.

He laughed, "Look at you. Still the same blonde hair"

"We should make a new album, combining pictures of you and me when we were kids, so we can get an idea of what our kids will look like." I grinned, turning to him. His expression faltered for a moment but he smiled and nodded. "Uh...sure, I'll have to look around for some pictures though..." He seemed confused.

I watched him for a moment and bit my lip, "Are you okay?"

He quickly nodded, "Yeah, absolutely."

I rolled my eyes and shook my head at him, "What is it?"

He stared at me, giving me the same look he did last night, like he was struggling to find something to say. "Well...I mean, we've talked about it, no, actually just mentioned it from time to time, but..." He sighed and walked around the island and took a seat across from me. He swallowed hard, "When exactly were you wanting to start...or even have, a family."

Even have. Even have? "Uh, well, not for a while. Hudson, do you think I'm wanting us to start now? 'Cause I'm not." I gave a laugh, trying to lighten the mood.

He just nodded, he looked pale. "So you want a family?"

"...Well, yeah, don't you?" I swallowed, staring down at the counter, not wanting to make eye contact right now. Then a memory of a past conversation with him resurfaced, "I've never pictured myself as being the father-type...I guess I wouldn't mind a kid. But not for a very, very long time."

Oh.

"I think so. But just not now, you know? Your career is becoming more and more serious now and me...the restaurant, I'm in the process of opening a second one. I'd just like for us to focus on our careers and us. The two of us. I mean, I just think having a child anytime soon will throw a spanner in the mix and...well, I don't want to use the word ruin, but...it'll make us have to put a hold on our lives. And you're only twenty-two, I think that's just a bit too soon to become a mother. Just not now. Not for a long time...is that alright?" He looked up at me and I knew that this was all very hard for him to say. But I gave him a reassuring smile and nodded.

"I understand, completely. I was thinking in...3-5 years...how does that sound?" I bit my lip, wringing my hands underneath the counter from nervousness. He then smiled, looking more relaxed. "Yes, that's perfect. 3 to 5 years, that's enough time."

I gave a silent sigh of relief and smiled, "Perfect."

He stopped again and gave another serious look, "We're talking about adoption, right?"

I froze and turned my eyes up to his, "Are we?" He gave a sigh as if he was exasperated, "Avery, you being pregnant would be beautiful, but you know better than anyone else that it'd be dangerous. I thought we agreed to adoption."

"I don't remember agreeing to that. But I just thought it'd be nice to maybe have our first child...well, naturally. You know, from my own uterus." I shrugged my shoulders.

He sighed loudly and gave me that same scowl my parents would give me, "Avery-"

"Okay, stop. Please, I've received this lecture from my parents before. I don't need it from you. I have an appointment today, at two, with Dr. Wagner. Would you like to join me? Maybe get a few burning questions of yours answered?"

After taking a deep breath, I could see him visibly relaxing, but knew that he was still irritated by my challenging personality. I couldn't help but grin at him, I stood up and walked around the counter, wrapping my arms around his shoulders and sitting on his lap.

"You're cute when you pout." I smirked. "Regardless of your bruised and beaten face." I could tell he was trying to remain serious, but he slowly smiled.

Sighing, I kissed his cheek. "Can't we just argue about this in 3 to 5 years? I just got you back yesterday, I don't want to us to waste our time arguing when we could be doing things that are more...productive."

He smirked at me, "Productive. Like?"

"Well let's see, my appointment is at two, it's quarter after eleven now. So I think we have about two and a half hours to spare. Why don't you let me show you a few of the things we can do?" I stood up and took his hand, pulling him up from the stool.

"Lead the way." He grinned.