Here With Me

After a short wait, Dr. Wagner came swiftly into his office and sat at his desk across from Hudson and I. After greeting us with a quick and gruff 'good afternoon', he began looking through my file. Not taking his eyes off the newly added papers, he began.

"My nurse did the usual checkup?"

"Yes she did." I replied.

He lifted his head and looked at Hudson. "And you're the husband I take it."

Hudson nodded, "I am."

"Well it's a pleasure to meet you. I've known Miss...Hudson here for quite some time. I was surprised to hear that she had been married not too long ago." He gave a small smile and continued looking over the notes his nurse had written down. I just smiled, Dr. Wagner has always been a taciturn kind of man. He must be nearly fifty by now, his hair starting to grey at the temples and the deep lines in his forehead were more defined.

He took his glasses off and folded the arms in with one hand, tucking them into his coat pocket. "Avery, Avery, Avery. What are we going to do with you?" He stared at me from across the desk.

I sighed, trying not to roll my eyes. "Continue."

"Well for starters I see you've lost weight."

"I've noticed." Hudson murmured, rolling his eyes. I elbowed him. "Yes, I have."

"You were at a healthy weight Avery, 120. You've lost six pounds when you didn't need to. I'm assuming you've been skipping meals again, and you've probably been struggling to find a balance with your glucose levels."

"I didn't lose weight on purpose." I protested.

"Well since I assume you already know what I'm going to say, I hope this time you'll actually listen to me. How's your stress levels?" He asked.

I knotted my fingers, "Uh, they've been...high. I mean, not now. As of yesterday they went down significantly and I see life as a beautiful thing now." I tried to be funny, but felt like I was in trouble not only by my doctor but by my husband too.

He began scrawling something down in his notebook that only doctor's would be able to read. "Avery, I'm giving you a month. When you come back to see me I expect to see you healthier than you are now. That means stress levels to a minimum, glucose levels balanced, your weight back to where it was originally. Now I know it's March and it's still pretty slushy and wet out there, but have you been able to stay active? Like, exercising?"

I quickly blushed, thinking about how...active I've been. Swallowing hard I nodded, "Uh, yeah, often." Hudson coughed and smiled at me.

Wagner squinted his eyes at me and shook his head, giving a laugh. "I'll pretend I didn't see that exchanged glance you two shared. But other than what I've told you, do you have any questions before I kick you out of my office?"

I looked at Hudson and gave him that 'go ahead' look. Hudson turned to Wagner and cleared his throat. "I do, actually."

"Yes."

"Um...this morning Avery and I were discussing our future, like, starting a family. Now, from what she and her parents have told me, her becoming pregnant would be...well, not good for her health. And I would prefer adopting-"

"Mr. Hudson, I'm not a marriage counsellor."

"I know. I'm just want a better explanation of the risks involved.

He paused and sighed. "Well, there's a number of risks, but only a few that differ from any other pregnancy. To name a few, when a woman with diabetes or develops gestational diabetes, she has to keep extra monitoring on her blood sugar levels. Because now she has to care for both her and the growing baby. Her levels can easily go up, it's just harder to balance. The woman's pregnancy could also end up being high-risk, with miscarriage or the baby growing too big as a result of too much sugar. The woman would have to change her lifestyle, making it a lot more healthier and having a more strict diet. As a woman with diabetes already knows, she can't eat just anything, and being pregnant is no excuse to start an unhealthy diet...that's just a few, but does that answer your question?"

"Yeah I guess...but..." Hudson cleared his throat, looking uncomfortable. "Is death a risk?"

I quickly looked at him and finally understood why he was so opposed to a potential pregnancy; he was scared of losing me.

Dr. Wagner stared at him and his expression softened. He sat back in his chair and shook his head, "Death can happen to mother or child just like it can happen to someone crossing the street and getting hit by a car. It can happen to anyone. But in this day and age we're able to monitor pregnancies to prevent that. In most cases, death is only a risk to the fetus and it's a risk with any pregnancy, with or without diabetes. The only serious thing that I as Avery's doctor would be deeply concerned about is afterwards. Her health isn't the greatest and it's always been like that, some kids are just always sick and she was one of them. Her immune system isn't that great, but I digress. What I'm getting at is that the pregnancy may cause significant stress to her heart, kidneys, or nerves. With diabetes, and I'm talking collectively, anyone can develop heart, kidney, nerve, or eye disease. That would be my only concern."

"I understand." Hudson nodded, seemingly bothered by what he just learned where as I have heard this before and I'm able to just deal with it. I placed my hand on his arm.

"But if you do decide that you want to become pregnant, come and see me and we can discuss things before you start trying. Just so you can have a plan for the next nine months." Wagner replied.

"For sure. Thank you." I politely smiled, standing up and waiting for Hudson to rise.

"No problem. If either of you have anymore questions, don't hesitate to call." Wagner stood up and walked us to the door. Taking Hudson's hand, hoping that it'd offer comfort to him, we left the office and went home.

While he was preparing dinner, I came into the kitchen and sat at the island. "Need any help chef?" I smiled.

He smiled back, "Sure, you wanna chop up the vegetables for the stir-fry?"

"Aye aye, captain." I chuckled, getting up and walking to the other side of the counter and taking the peppers and broccoli, rinsing them off at the sink before placing them back on the cutting board. I took a chef's knife from the knife block and began cutting through the peppers.

Hudson had the radio on and I was singing along to a song by New Order, goofing off as I usually did, and while we were laughing and fooling around, I guess I wasn't paying attention and I winced in pain.

"Ah." I hissed, holding my bleeding thumb. He quickly stopped what he was doing and rushed to my side, holding my hand and examining it. "Are you alright?"

I gave a laugh, "Yeah I'm fine, just nicked my thumb."

"Okay, that's it, no more. Let's get you cleaned up and you can just go sit on the couch and watch some t.v or something." He gently pushed me around the counter, ushering me to the bathroom. "What? C'mon, it's just a cut, once I have a bandaid on I can keep helping you."

"No, please, I'd prefer that you just, go sit down or something." He shook his head and turned the faucet on, running the cool water over my thumb. Afterwards he sat me down and quickly bandaged my finger, again telling me to go sit on the couch.

I sighed and shook my head. "Hudson, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, I just don't want you to hurt yourself again." He muttered, standing up from his crouched position and beginning to walk out of the bathroom. I stood up and followed him out, "Is this because of what Dr. Wagner said?"

He shrugged his shoulders and began separating the clean vegetables and the tainted ones, tossing them away and putting the cutting board in the sink. I stood across the counter from him and watched him until he finally realized it and looked up at me. "What?"

"What's wrong?" I asked more sternly, tired of his roller-coaster of moods today. He turned off the water and sighed inwardly, hesitating for a moment.

"I'm just...I'm just afraid to lose you."

I closed my eyes for a moment, but soon opened them and gave him a gentle look as I began walking around to his side till I stood in front of him. I placed my hands on his arms and stroked them gently. "Hudson, I can't control nature. If I die, I die. And if I live..."

He looked away but I continued. "This is all a part of nature, Hudson, we don't get to choose when and how we die. I mean, if I do, it might not even be from sickness. Things happen all the time to anyone, regardless of their health, race, age, or gender. I appreciate that you are trying to protect me but you're going overboard. I know you want to take care of me but please, don't coddle me and stop treating me like I only have six months to live. I'm fine. Please, just treat me as you normally would, before you came with me to see Wagner." I placed my hand on the side of his face and made him look at me. "Do you think you can do that for me?"

He placed his hand over mine and softly smiled, "Yeah...I can. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. Just keep the over-protectiveness to a minimum. Please." I hugged him, wrapping my arms around his waist.

He kissed my hair, "I will."

I softly smiled and closed my eyes. "I can tell you'll be a great father."

He gave a short laugh. "Not until your health is 100 times better can you start saying that."

"I know, I know. C'mon, let's finish cooking, I'm starved." I released him and we both went back to listening to music and cooking.