If You Gave Me The Chance
~Two~
That night I just could not sleep. My eyes felt heavy and my body was tried but my mind was rebeling against my body. My head was cluttered with questions that kept me from sleep. The questions kept building up but I mainly wanted to know why I couldn't stop thinking about that boy, Jack.
Why did he have to look at me? Why did I react to him just simply looking at me? Why did he have to show up and complicate my life?
As if my life wasn't complicated enough but now I have to deal with this Jack situation. I was only fourteen and had enough going on in my life that I honestly, couldn't handle anymore stress. Yet, the pile just kept increasing adding this Jack situation on top.
What even was this Jack situation? Why should I even care? He is just like anyone else who comes into this place. There is nothing special about him. Nothing different than anyone else.
I knew I was lying. There was something about him, yet I hadn't figured it out. Maybe it was because he was just like me. I wondered if he was thinking about me as much as I've been thinking about him. Which, I knew, he wasn't.
The questions kept flowing through my head with no solutions coming to mind. I should just forget about this whole thing but my mind refused to let this go. I needed a solution fast.
I pulled the stark white covers off of my body and swung my legs over the side of the bed. My bare feet hit the cold ground and I stood trying to gain balance. Doing what I had the night before by slipping out of my room into the hall and once again the nurse wasn't on duty. I wondered if the hospital knew the nurse had been skipping shift. The thoughts quickly disappered as I started down the hall toward his room. What was I going to do when I got there?
I didn't know exactly the answer to that question but all of my recent questions have gone unanswered. In this moment I just wanted to check on him. I'd feel better and then maybe I'd be able to shut my mind up enough to sleep, at least for a little.
My feet stopped outside of his door. I turned my body to face the small window and when my eyes found him there my heart began to pump a bit faster. Like the night before Jack was awake but this time he was just watching TV. I just looked at him, taking in his features. Jet black hair that swept across his forehead just above his eyes, long nose, dark brown eyes and big bushy eyebrows. Then he turned to find me.
Our eyes met and once again my heart could not handle this and my breath got caught in my throat. I looked down to my feet as the color rised in my cheeks. Then I brought my head back up to see Jack getting out of his bed and making his way across the room to the door I stood behind. My heart and my head began to panic. What was he going to say? What did he want from me? I was locked place, no matter how much I wish I could run, my body was not budging. It felt as though I was glued to the floor. He was staring at his feet while he walked until he got to the door as he looked up I saw his face up close for the first time. My heart was pumping way too fast, flutting in my stomache, and my breathing was irregular. I watched as his hand reached for the handle of the door. Awaiting what was to come my mind actually stopped questioning only to let this happen. The other boy opened the door fully just standing there. Not offering an entry but he did look up at me.
"You." he said. His voice flowing in the air between us causing my smile only to enlarge. "You saw me yesterday." I nodded my head even if it wasn't a question and my smile started to fall remembering what I had saw.
"Yeah, sorry, I came to check on you." I admitted. Looking up to see the emotionless face.
"I don't need someone else to 'check on me' I get that enough here. So leave me alone." The harsh words came out of the other boys mouth and it stung. I was only checking on him to help him but he didn't see it that way. With that Jack just reclosed his door and went back to bed leaving me just standing there. My eyes began to stung and I blinked a few times before I began back to my room in thought of why that hurt me so much.
I laid down to finally sleep with these thoughts swirling in my mind. I began to cry, over everything. This is why I am here, I just can't handle the reality of things.
Why did he have to look at me? Why did I react to him just simply looking at me? Why did he have to show up and complicate my life?
As if my life wasn't complicated enough but now I have to deal with this Jack situation. I was only fourteen and had enough going on in my life that I honestly, couldn't handle anymore stress. Yet, the pile just kept increasing adding this Jack situation on top.
What even was this Jack situation? Why should I even care? He is just like anyone else who comes into this place. There is nothing special about him. Nothing different than anyone else.
I knew I was lying. There was something about him, yet I hadn't figured it out. Maybe it was because he was just like me. I wondered if he was thinking about me as much as I've been thinking about him. Which, I knew, he wasn't.
The questions kept flowing through my head with no solutions coming to mind. I should just forget about this whole thing but my mind refused to let this go. I needed a solution fast.
I pulled the stark white covers off of my body and swung my legs over the side of the bed. My bare feet hit the cold ground and I stood trying to gain balance. Doing what I had the night before by slipping out of my room into the hall and once again the nurse wasn't on duty. I wondered if the hospital knew the nurse had been skipping shift. The thoughts quickly disappered as I started down the hall toward his room. What was I going to do when I got there?
I didn't know exactly the answer to that question but all of my recent questions have gone unanswered. In this moment I just wanted to check on him. I'd feel better and then maybe I'd be able to shut my mind up enough to sleep, at least for a little.
My feet stopped outside of his door. I turned my body to face the small window and when my eyes found him there my heart began to pump a bit faster. Like the night before Jack was awake but this time he was just watching TV. I just looked at him, taking in his features. Jet black hair that swept across his forehead just above his eyes, long nose, dark brown eyes and big bushy eyebrows. Then he turned to find me.
Our eyes met and once again my heart could not handle this and my breath got caught in my throat. I looked down to my feet as the color rised in my cheeks. Then I brought my head back up to see Jack getting out of his bed and making his way across the room to the door I stood behind. My heart and my head began to panic. What was he going to say? What did he want from me? I was locked place, no matter how much I wish I could run, my body was not budging. It felt as though I was glued to the floor. He was staring at his feet while he walked until he got to the door as he looked up I saw his face up close for the first time. My heart was pumping way too fast, flutting in my stomache, and my breathing was irregular. I watched as his hand reached for the handle of the door. Awaiting what was to come my mind actually stopped questioning only to let this happen. The other boy opened the door fully just standing there. Not offering an entry but he did look up at me.
"You." he said. His voice flowing in the air between us causing my smile only to enlarge. "You saw me yesterday." I nodded my head even if it wasn't a question and my smile started to fall remembering what I had saw.
"Yeah, sorry, I came to check on you." I admitted. Looking up to see the emotionless face.
"I don't need someone else to 'check on me' I get that enough here. So leave me alone." The harsh words came out of the other boys mouth and it stung. I was only checking on him to help him but he didn't see it that way. With that Jack just reclosed his door and went back to bed leaving me just standing there. My eyes began to stung and I blinked a few times before I began back to my room in thought of why that hurt me so much.
I laid down to finally sleep with these thoughts swirling in my mind. I began to cry, over everything. This is why I am here, I just can't handle the reality of things.