Tis the Season

He stood at the end of the aisle, hands fidgeting and eyes tracing the arch of beautiful flowers over and over again as he waited. He knew he was being impatient, knew he was worrying for nothing but Harry couldn’t help but worry that she was going to stand him up. The music started, the well-known bridal march filled the field and Harry’s head snapped up.

There she was, a blonde beauty swaddled in white lace and taffeta. A scream rang out from the audience. Everything stopped. Harry and his bride-to-be turned to the source of the noise. Jamie was pushing her way through the rows, desperately trying to find her way to the end but it seemed to be never-ending. Just when she thought she was about to reach the aisle more chairs sprung up. Stumbling into the aisle, she panted softly and rested her hands on her knees for a moment.

“Ja-“

Jamie cut off Harry with her hand as she stood up and straightened out. “You can’t marry her, Harry,” she said softly.

“Why not?” The bride-to-be snapped at the same time Harry said, “no? Why?”

The brunette girl closed her eyes for a moment. When she opened them again they were brimming with tears.

“Because I’m still in love with you. This should be us.”

Jamie’s eyes popped open and she shot up into a sitting position. Scooting back against her pillows, she closed her eyes and rubbed at her numb shoulder, desperately trying to focus on something other than the dream she just had. Her heart was racing, stomach twisted in knots and her mind couldn’t stop replaying it over and over.

Shaking her arm out, Jamie sighed and turned to the clock on her bedside table. It was just past nine am and she had the day off. She needed to end this. She couldn’t keep dreaming about Harry, she couldn’t keep thinking about him and she certainly couldn’t keep answering the texts he sent her. She had Derek. She didn’t need Harry.

Grabbing her phone, she quickly unlocked it and punched in the number she still knew like the back of her hand. As it rang her stomach dropped and she worried that this wasn’t the right thing, that maybe they could be friends and the dreams would eventually stop.

“Hello?” Harry answered before Jamie could change her decision and hang up. “Jamie?”

He sounded like he just woke up. His voice was low, raspy and full of sleep. That was Jamie’s favorite voice of his. “Yeah,” she answered as a shiver ran down her spine. Against her better judgment she slid down under her covers and pulled up the blankets. It felt intimate somehow, lying in bed with Harry on the other line. “Did I wake you?” Jamie asked as she pushed that thought out of her head.

“Yeah,” Harry chuckled softly. She could almost see him, his eyes closed as he lay curled up on his side with his phone between his head and his pillow. “But it’s alright.”

Jamie could hear the smile in his voice and her resolve slowly crumbled. She knew deep down that she didn’t want to do it; she didn’t want to cut him out of her life. It was selfish and stupid because she got him back by accident and she had a boyfriend but she never could be a saint where Harry was concerned.

“Are you okay Jam?” Harry’s voice sliced through their silence and Jamie bit her lip.

She opened her mouth to tell him no, that she just had an urge to talk to him, that she wanted to hear his voice. All the things that were completely true but probably shouldn’t have been said; all the things that were inappropriate, that were too close to couple-y things when she had a boyfriend.

As if he knew she was thinking about someone else, talking to someone else, Jamie’s door opened and Derek strolled in. The world crashed down around her and she cursed herself for being so stupid.

“Hey babe,” Derek greeted, kneeling onto her bed and crawling over to her. “Who are you on the phone with? Tell them you got to go.”

Jamie could hear Harry saying her name, she could hear him asking what was going on and her heart was telling her not to but her mind won out under Derek’s stare. “One sec babe,” she told her boyfriend before rolling onto her side and turning her attention back to the phone call.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you,” she said, “I shouldn’t have called but meet me for coffee later. Say 11ish? At The Custom Cup.”

The brunette hung up before she could change her mind. Depositing her phone onto her bedside table, she turned back to her boyfriend and smiled. It was pained and in the back of her mind there was something niggling at her, slowing hacking away at the already thin wall she built around Harry. But she was torn between doing the right thing and doing what felt right and doing the right thing won.

As Derek closed the distance between them and rolled them over so Jamie was on top she could feel her boyfriend close his hand around her necklace. The girl froze and pulled back. She stared down at his hand, fury bubbling inside of her. It was stupid and she knew it; it was just a necklace, one that contained a ring that used to symbolize her life. But she didn’t let anyone touch it and this was the first time that Derek had.

“What are you doing?” She asked, her voice dripping with more venom than she intended.

Her boyfriend smirked and tightened his grip, tugging her forward so he could press their lips together. Jamie felt dirty; her boyfriend was using the ring her ex-boyfriend gave her to pull her close. The ring that, if she was honest, still held a lot of feelings for her. A lot of positive, happy feelings - it was the reason she still wore it, wasn’t it?

“Wait,” Jamie mumbled against his lips. She suddenly couldn’t handle this; she couldn’t be with Derek, not right now. “I have to go to work. Short shift, Katie called out sick.” It was a lie if she’d ever told one – she didn’t work with a Katie and this was her rare day off. But she needed to go, she needed to get things sorted out with Harry and she needed to think.

Derek frowned but he dropped the necklace and rolled out from under her. Jamie hit the bed with a tiny ‘oomph’. “You could have told me before I wasted time coming over here,” her boyfriend snapped as he stood up and brushed off his jeans. “Call me when you’re not going to be wasting my time.”

The brunette stared after her boyfriend, watching dumbfounded as he stormed out of her room and then out of her apartment. After a long moment of staring at the empty doorway, she sighed and fell back against her mattress, completely at a loss for what to do. She closed her eyes and her mind automatically went back to the dream she had, the dream in which Harry was marrying someone else. For a dream it sure felt real, shocking her to the core and making her feel terrified that he was truly going to marry someone else.

Fiddling with her ring, Jamie sighed. Was that the moment Kendall had been talking about? The realization moment? She didn’t feel any different, not really. She still knew that she was still crazy for Harry even if she would never be able to admit that out loud. But she still had Derek, a guy that she also knew wasn’t right for her, a guy she knew wasn’t even a good boyfriend or ready for any kind of commitment. But she was so scared to admit that she wanted Harry, to really admit that she never stopped wanting Harry that she really couldn’t openly acknowledge Derek’s faults.

A soft sigh escaped Jamie’s lips as she rolled onto her stomach. She stared at the digital alarm clock on her bedside table for a long while, silently wondering what she should do before rolling off her bed and heading for the shower. She still needed to go to coffee with Harry. She could decide on the way there.

The walk to the coffee shop wasn’t a long one. It was just two blocks from the brunette’s flat and it was her regular place for tea, coffee and hot chocolate. As she reached the door she stopped for a moment and went over the plan in her head. It wasn’t exactly what she wanted and it was going to hurt like hell but it needed to be done. They had their shot. Their time was over.

“Jam!” Harry called as the girl entered the coffee shop. The girl closed her eyes for a moment and absorbed the smell of fresh brewed coffee. She willed herself to be ready for this but it was hard. Jamie thought he was never coming back and now that he was she didn’t really want to let him go.

But you have to, she reminded herself as she opened her eyes and found where Harry was sitting. He was in one of the two front tables, off to the corner where they could get some privacy. She was thankful for that as she made her way to him and took the seat opposite his. This would make it easier; they could leave here without making too big of a scene.

“Harry,” she greeted softly, nodding to him.

The curly haired boy smiled in return sending a flurry of butterflies through Jamie’s stomach. She cursed the affect he still had on her and she cursed the fact that she gave him her number when he helped her with her car. That was what got her into this mess, she could have ignored it, could have avoided him but with him texting her and showing her concern that wasn’t going to work. How could it? He was sweet and perfect Harry.

“Can I get you something to drink?” He asked softly and Jamie shook her head.

“No, you go ahead though,” she shook her head, “I’m not thirsty.”

Jamie watched as Harry slipped out of his seat and headed towards the counter. She took the time he was gone to calm down, to focus on her breathing and to take her necklace off. She slipped it over her head and unclasped it to slide the beautiful ring off the chain. Once it was free she slipped the silver chain back into her pocket and tried to ignore the very thing that had once meant everything to her.

It was beautiful, a white-gold band and a tiny infinity symbol tied like a knot. The symbol was encrusted with small amethyst and sapphire stones, Harry and Jamie’s birthstones respectively. Jamie knew all the trouble he went through to get it made, working with several of her co-workers behind her back to get it done and after he gave it to her she never took it off. Until they broke up. Then she threw it in a nearby creek and got lucky when it only traveled a few feet down the stream before getting stuck on a rock.

Harry returned a few moments later and frowned as he set his drink down.

“What’s this?” He asked, motioning to the ring she had set out.

“You should take it back,” she said quietly, her fingers threading together nervously under the table. “It doesn’t belong with me anymore, we haven’t been together for a long time now.”

Harry shook his head and slid the ring back towards her. “I had that specially made for you,” he told her, his voice calm and steady but Jamie knew he was anything but. “It could never be anyone else’s.”

Jamie sighed and shook her head. “We’re not together anymore though.”

“So?” Harry took a sip of his tea and shook his head. “That doesn’t mean it isn’t yours.”

Looking at him, being with him face-to-face and hearing what he had to say Jamie knew this wasn’t going to be easy. She knew it was going to be near impossible. But she couldn’t keep doing this, she couldn’t keep thinking about him more and more like she had been over the last few days. It wasn’t fair to Derek.

“We can’t do this,” she whispered softly. “We can’t be in each other’s lives. We had our shot and we need to stop talking now. It needs to go back to the way it was before I saw you at the restaurant. We broke up and you left. That doesn’t change just because we saw each other again.”

Harry sighed and rubbed at his face. “You didn’t want me to go,” he replied, his voice much louder than Jamie’s had been. “But you wouldn’t wait. You said you wouldn’t be here when I got back.”

Jamie recoiled at that. She knew it was true. She didn’t want to lose him; she didn’t want to end up breaking up because he found someone else while he was gone. So she was stubborn and pushed him away. But he ended things. It was his fault. Wasn’t it?

“But you ended things!” Jamie shot back.

“You said ‘fine, let’s just end things here’! You ended it!” Harry retorted but Jamie knew he didn’t believe that.

“You didn’t fight for me,” she whispered, “you didn’t fight for us.”

“But I will now,” Harry replied. “I love you, Jamie. I’ve always been in love with you.”

Jamie shook her head. “No. I have a boyfriend.”

“I know,” Harry nodded. “But he’s not me. And you two aren’t us. And you know that we’re meant to be.”

The brunette stared at her ex, shocked and awed. She wanted so badly to reach over and kiss him, to grab him and never let him go but she couldn’t. This still couldn’t happen. It couldn’t. So she did the only thing she could think of; she grabbed her ring, stood up and walked out.

Because she couldn’t face the fact that Harry was completely right.