Tis the Season

It was far too cold to be outside for what she was going to do but Jamie forced herself to keep walking. Shoving her hands deep into the pockets of her jacket, she hunched her shoulders and tried to burrow herself a little deeper into her coat. Scanning the park, she stared at the gallery across the field for a moment, chuckling to herself as she watched a gaggle of school kids enter, undoubtedly ready to mess about. A soft sigh slipped past her lips as she shook her head and carried on, walking to the center of the park where a fountain was normally going during the warmer months.

Jamie found a bench nearby and curled her arms around herself as she sat down, desperately hoping this whole thing could just hurry up and be over with. It hadn’t taken her very long to figure out what to do after she got home from her disastrous date with Derek the other night but it had taken her a bit to work up the courage for it. She had been lying in bed, blinking back tears when it hit her: so what if Harry had hurt her before? He was here now and their feelings were still there. Didn’t they owe it to themselves to try again? How could she know he’d hurt her again if she didn’t even try? If she didn’t give him the chance?

After that everything was simple for Jamie. She just needed to break things off with Derek but that was the scary part. She agonized over whether or not he would make a scene, over whether or not he would try to talk her out of it or hurl more insults at her. That was the whole point of the public meeting, to keep her from having to deal with a huge fallout.

“Here to waste my time again?” Derek asked from somewhere behind Jamie. Jumping up, she spun around and rolled her eyes. Derek was sneering at her and for the first time since they got together it was like she was seeing him clearly for the first time. Sure, he was good looking but the aura around him just screamed douchebag.

“More like I just wanted to be clear,” the girl started, crossing her arms over her chest. “In case I wasn’t the other night, we’re done.”

Derek laughed. “Is that so?” He asked, stepping a little closer. Jamie took a step back and he laughed again. “Just don’t come crawling back to me in a few days when you realize you can’t live without me.”

Derek shook his head and let out another laugh as he walked towards Jamie. As he passed, he pressed his hand to her cheek and trailed it down her chin. “Can’t wait to see you come groveling back,” he said before disappearing.

As soon as he was gone Jamie let out a sigh of relief. Walking back the way she came, she couldn’t help but wonder if it was too late. She was worried she took too much time being blind to the way Derek truly was for fear of being hurt by Harry. But Harry wasn’t anything like Derek and she knew deep down that if he hurt her it would never be intentional. He wasn’t malicious. Derek obviously was.

Jamie shuddered as she exited the park and took a left. She didn’t even need to think about where to go or how to get there. If she was a GPS then Harry’s place was saved as one of the favorites. She found herself in front of his flat in no time. Staring up at the building, she bit her lip and worried over whether or not knocking on his door without calling or texting was a good idea.

Before she could talk herself out of it she walked up the few steps to the main door and walked in. As if she was on autopilot, she turned to the right and headed up the staircase for three flights until she reached his floor. She knocked on his door four times to no avail. Against her better judgment, Jamie reached up and grabbed the spare key off the top of the doorjamb and let herself in.

The place was exactly like she remembered it. It was as clean as a bachelor pad could be and smelt overwhelmingly of Harry – a mix of his cologne and peach soap. Jamie chuckled to herself as the memory of him telling her about how he used it solely because it made him feel cleaner, not because he liked the smell, rushed through her mind. She stared at the furniture, a beat up couch and a leather armchair, both of which she had fond memories of.

As she looked around and walked through the few rooms that made up his flat she realized there wasn’t anything inside that she didn’t have a positive memory of. There was the place where Harry first told her he loved her – the kitchen island – and the time they stayed up a full twenty-four hours, lounging on his couch as they did a marathon of Jamie’s favorite TV show. Tears prickled the corner of her eyes and she didn’t bother to stop them as she pushed open the door to his bedroom.

The sheets were a mess but only on one side – the left, a byproduct of Jamie only being able to sleep on the right side of the bed. On his dresser next to the tiny flat screen TV was a series of picture frames, just like when they’d been dating but the pictures were different now. Jamie was no longer in any of them. Instead they were all pictures of Anne and Gemma and even one of Harry and some of his friends.

Picking that one up, Jamie sighed and dropped down onto the edge of Harry’s bed. She couldn’t believe that things had gone so wrong for them. They had fallen so fast, maybe even too fast, but neither had cared. So what if they were kind of young? You can’t help what the heart wants is what Anne would always say. She was so supportive of their relationship, always treating Jamie like she was another daughter. But then Harry had to leave and she got scared and everything fell apart.

Reaching a hand into her jacket, Jamie pulled out her ring and sighed. She could still remember the day he gave it to her, telling her how he wanted forever with her. How she completed him and a bunch of other cheesy things that she would have scoffed at if they came from someone else. But because it was Harry saying them she melted on the spot.

Jamie stood up and put the picture frame where it belonged. She didn’t know where Harry was – work, maybe? But she couldn’t stand to just sit around in his flat any longer. They weren’t together anymore so for all she knew he’d be pissed off if he came home to find her sitting on his bed. And she couldn’t help but feel like this whole thing was a sign that they weren’t meant to be.

Grabbing a post-it from a table by the door where Harry put all his mail and took care of his bills Jamie scribbled a quick note. I’m sorry for everything. Love, J it read and she quickly pasted it to his door where he’d see it whenever he got home. With one final look inside of Harry’s flat, Jamie stepped out and pulled the door shut. After returning his key to where it belonged she turned and walked away despite every fiber of her being telling her not to.