Where Did I Go Wrong?

Recovery. It feels like just a word now, not an action. I've tried to recover, maybe not hard or long enough, but I've tried. Maybe I'm doing something wrong. Maybe it's just me. I hear about all of these people share their stories of how they were "in the dark" and "god saved me" shit. Are they honestly happy? No, better question. Can you become happy again when you don't know what it feels like anymore? Can you "recover" from something you've dealt with your whole life? I just want to know what being "recovered" feels like. But I don't have the motivation, because I don't know what I'm going to get out of it. Does that make sense? It's like taking a shot into the dark, and well, I'm afraid of the dark.