The Time We Had

There are still times when I let the what ifs and the could haves cloud my thoughts. Days when I think about all of the possibilities and ways that things could have went down a different road, moments that I wish that things did turn out differently. But some things in life don’t come easy, I guess.

I slowly walked up the stone pathway and pulled my suitcase behind me. I knew this path all too well; I can recall countless memories of walking up these steps doing God knows what. The brown oak door stared at me as I stood there unsure of what to do. I hesitated as I knocked on the door, coming back home wasn’t exactly a joyride.

“Oh, honey, it’s so nice that you could come home for the holidays,” my mother greeted me at the door, “Come here so I can get a good look at you.”

She then proceeded to smother me with hugs and force cupcakes into my mouth. I couldn’t blame her though, I was rarely home and when I was I usually stayed there for short periods of time. It’s not like I didn’t like being with my family, it had something to do with being at home.

“I have missed you so much, darling,” she said excitedly, “You should come home more often you know. This place is much more exciting with you here.”

“I know mom. I’ve missed you too, but I can’t exactly drop work just like that,” I told her and hugged her back.

“Oh, hush, they can survive without you,” she took my bags from me and put them down in the living room.

“I’m sure they will,” I chuckled and followed her into the kitchen, “and besides they can’t really do anything about it I’m here now.”

Braintree used to be my safe haven. It was a place I could call home. It was where I was surrounded with people who mattered to me. But I can’t call Braintree my home anymore. My home is long gone. It was taken from me in the cruelest way possible, slow and subtle, piece by piece unraveling, then all at once.

“How have you been? It’s been a long time since you were here,” she said as I pulled out random things from the refrigerator.

“You know, same as always, busy with work and stuff,” I shrugged and pushed away from the refrigerator.

“They’ve missed you. He’s missed you, Katherine.”

“And I’ve missed them too,” I said as a small smile played on my lips.

“Kath, you can go unpack after you finish your food. You still know where your room is right?” she said as she moved around the kitchen fixing dinner, “Oh and by the way the bonfire is tomorrow night, the one you kids hold every year. I’m sure they’re going to be excited to see you, this is your first autumn bonfire since a long time ago.”

I gave her a smile before I left the room to retrieve my luggage. The living room looked the same as it was when I left. The couch was still littered with blankets, the mantle still had the same photographs and trophies, the leg of the coffee table that I slightly broke still wasn’t fixed, and the memories it held were still the same. It still held the memories that kept me up at night, no they had not changed one bit. They hadn’t and it somehow comforted me, at least I still had them, at least they stayed, at least they didn’t leave me. God knows that I needed that kind of comfort.

Somehow I managed to get my 2 suitcases and backpack up the stairs in one trip, given that I was about to collapse out of exhaustion when I got to the hallway on the second floor. Well, maybe I’m exaggerating a little but it sure felt that way. I finally got to my room and plopped onto the bed, I didn’t have the energy to unpack. The tiredness was finally sinking into my bones and I decided to just laze around until my energy came back.

I woke up to the loud ringing of my cell phone. I groaned and blindly searched for it.

“Hello,” I answered, not bothering to look at who it was calling.

Silence. All that was on the other line was silence. I could hear the subtle sound of someone breathing from the speaker but other than that there wasn’t anything. This wasn’t the first time that this has happened, this “mystery caller” had been bothering me for years. He would call me and say nothing and hang up. And I was furious; in addition to that I just woke up. With all this going on inside me I couldn’t help but react with hostility.

“Listen, whoever you are you better stop this shit. You’ve been calling me for the past three years and it’s getting real irritating. Not to mention it’s creepy so stop,” I snapped and hung up.

I rolled over and stretched before looking at the time on my phone. I let out a sigh it was already 3 in the afternoon; I had slept from night time through morning and noon. I buried my face into the pillow not wanting to get up yet.

“Katherine, get up! It’s already 3 in the afternoon, I’ve been trying to wake you up since breakfast,” my mom yelled as she banged on my bedroom door.

“I’m up,” my words were muffled into my pillow.

My unpacked suitcases were waiting for me on the bedroom floor as I pulled myself out of bed. I started looking for clothes to wear not caring where the other contents of my suitcases went. When I was finally content with what I had I made my way to the bathroom. My shower was short and uneventful; it mostly consisted of me shaking the sleep from my bones by accidentally hitting myself on various objects in the shower area.

Going back to lying down on my bed felt nice, I hadn’t had this much rest time in a long time. Mom was telling the truth when she said that I worked too much, but what else did I have to busy myself with? Slowly, I rolled myself onto my stomach and I was met with the view of an Aspen tree and a boy with brown hair smiling and awkwardly waving at me from across the lawn between our two houses.

I couldn’t help but wave back and send him a small smile.

As much as I didn’t want to look away, the contents of my luggage that were sprawled across my bedroom floor were bothering me. I couldn’t resist the urge to pick them up and fix them into organized rows in my closet. And just like that I found something to do while waiting for the bonfire to start.



"Katherine Fleur Anderson, where the hell have you been?”

And there she was, Adelaide Heathcote, my annoying, loud, yet lovely best friend; or my hot ass lady friend as she likes to call herself. Now, she was charging towards me while yelling incoherent phrases together with a string of profanities.

“Katherine, what took you so fucking long to be home for the holidays?” her face twisted into a scowl.

“Please don’t kill me,” I said raising my hands up to defend myself.

“You are so damned lucky I love you,” Adelaide conceded not without slapping me on the arm.

“Hey, no hitting.”

“God I have missed you,” she sighed pulling me into a tight hug, “You have been way too busy these past 4 years; I bet you can count all the times you’ve been home with your fingers.”

“You’re exaggerating,” I tried to defend myself until I realized she was telling the truth.

“See! I’m right,” she grinned in triumph.

“Whatever”

“Oh by the way he’s outside,” Adelaide said wryly.

“Ladies, and—“ we were interrupted by none other than Andrew Cook, he had slung his arms over our shoulders and when he saw my face my name left his mouth together with a gasp. “Katherine Fleur Anderson, why did you only decide show up now?” he said, hitting my arm with every syllable.

“Sure, hitting me will make me visit more often,” I said with an unpleasant look on my face.

“Hey, in my defense I had to hit you so that you’d pay attention,” he shrugged, “You looked preoccupied and I had to get your attention somehow. And for the record you are here like once a year I need some Kath time, and just because you stay in contact with one person from Braintree it doesn’t mean you can ignore everyone else.”

“The others are already outside, we should head out too,” Adelaide said.

“Oh yeah they’ve brought out the guitars and shit 30 minutes ago,” he explained.

“First I miss the bonfire and now the musical instruments?” she exclaimed, “I am so gonna kick their asses.”

“Yeah, I better go,” Andrew laughed, took his arms off our shoulders, and ran towards the backyard.

“I am not gonna miss anything anymore, wait for me,” Adelaide ran after him leaving me alone.

“I guess, I’ll just be… here,” I called after them.

I let out a sigh, they go on and on about how I should visit more often and now that I’m finally here they leave me alone, what lovely friends. I took slow steps towards the glass doors leading to the backyard. Taking my time to prepare myself for what was about to happen.

Then I slid the door open.

Soon enough I was engulfed with hugs and questions about “where the hell I had been.” I tried to absorb everything that was going on, I hadn’t seen these faces in a long time and I had to admit that I had missed them. Somehow, it felt good that they took me in so warmly. I had this feeling swimming in my gut that this was going to turn out badly but it didn’t and I was relieved.

I ended up between Eric Halvorsen and Adelaide, and by the time I had settled myself in the fire was already blazing and the music was already being played.

“Just a disclaimer, this isn’t a Rocket song guys,” Nick’s voice rang through the backyard.

“Only because it’s way too bad to hold Rocket’s name,” Eric quipped.

“Yeah, yeah whatever, Halvo,” he ignored him and started strumming the chords.

“Oh Miss Virginia, I need you here
Cause I'm alone now and the coast ain't clear
And I spent my last few dimes on a call I never made
Oh Miss Virginia, can you help me run away”

I felt the knots in my stomach start tightening.

“Oh Carolina, I hear your voice
Through the mountains the softest noise
And I smell your sweet perfume through the wind and through the trees
Oh Carolina, can you help me find peace”

His eyes met mine. His voice rang through my ears like a toll bell. I could feel his words cutting deep into me.

“Oh when I finally know what it is I'm looking for
And the sand runs out and I'm alone
I hope you find your way through the fire and through the rain
I'll be waiting for you there every day until the storm clouds disappear and show your face”

I could tell by the look in his eyes that he knew exactly what he was doing. He knew that soon enough I would find it hard to breathe. And with the wry smile he had, he knew that the knotting in my stomach wouldn’t stop soon.

“Oh Massachusetts, you got so cold
Help me forget the lies I've told
And I finally found the one who I'll cherish everyday
Oh Massachusetts, can you help me feel okay”

After that I didn’t hear what else he sang. My hands were starting to shake as I sat there frozen in my seat and my eyes locked with his. With a million knots in my stomach that could make enough sweaters to keep an entire village warm.

“But when I finally know what it is I'm looking for
And the sand runs out and I'm alone
I hope you find your way through the fire and through the rain
I'll be waiting for you there every day until the storm clouds disappear and show your face

Oh Miss Virginia, well how you been
I'm not alone now, oh far from it
and I spent my last few dimes on a big old diamond ring
Oh Miss Virginia, I can finally love again

But when I finally know what it is I'm looking for
And the sand runs out and I'm alone
I hope you find your way through the fire and through the rain
I'll be waiting for you there every day until the storm clouds disappear and show your face”