What's the Point of Being in Love?

A week later, I sat in the bus in Camden, New Jersey.

Alex sat across from me, arms crossed, staring me down.

My throat felt dry. I had the tears forming behind my eyes threatening to fall from my eyes.

Alex huffed and turned his head. I knew he was about to cry and just didn’t want me to see.

“Alex?” I said quietly, when I heard him whimper.

“Don’t fucking speak, Cayne.”

That Morning

“Hey, Cayne!”

I turned around and faced Kellin, a smile etching onto my features. “Hey, Kellin!” I slid my glasses up on my head where they settled.

“So, there’s this party on my bus tonight and I was wondering if you’d like to go with me,” he shot me a hopeful look.

I grinned, “I’d love to go with you Kellin!”

Kellin beamed, “Great! I’ll find you right before.”

“Okay,” I smiled at him.

*

“Do I look okay?”

I turned around to face Emmie, flattening my dress over my legs.

Emmie chuckled, “You look fine.”

I smiled and followed her into the back room, plopping down on the couch in there.

“So, is this a date?” she asked me.

I felt the rest of the bands eyes flit towards me. I blushed.

“I don’t know,” I told her.

Emmie grinned, “Will you start dating afterwards?”

I pressed my lips together. “You know how I feel about relationships, Emmie.”

Emmie groaned. “Fuck Peyton!”

I sighed just as a knock sounded. I got up and went to the door and opened it.

To see Alex.

I peaked over his head before my eyes finally met him. “Hey.”

“You look dressed up,” he observed.

I beamed.

Alex then climbed onto the bus. “Everybody already leave?”

“There in the back. They don’t want to leave ‘till I do for some odd reason,” I told him, shutting the door.

“Oh.” He plopped onto the couch.

“It’s just Alex!” I heard Abner announce to everyone.

I sat next to Alex. “Just Alex?” he asked, shooting me a look.

“Kellin’s taking me to the party,” I told him.

An unreadable look flashed past his face, “Oh.”

I rested my head on his shoulder.

After a few moments of silence, another knock resonated on the door. I hopped up and looked at Alex, brushing my hair – which I’d left natural – from my face. “Do I look okay?”

Alex’s eyes never left my face when he smiled and answered, “You look beautiful.”

I blushed, “Thank you,” and went to answer.

Kellin stood there with his hands in his pockets. He smiled when he saw me.

“Hey, ready?” he asked. I nodded. “Great, c’mon.”

“Guys, I’m leaving!” I yelled. “Bye Alex.”

Alex didn’t reply when I grabbed Kellin’s hand and shut the door behind me.

“You look nice,” he told me.

I smiled, “You too.”

Together we walked to his bus. I could hear the music from here.

“So, how’re you feeling tonight?” Kellin asked.

“I’m feeling good,” I answered.

Kellin smiled and wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me lightly into his body, “Good.”

We arrived at his bus and wove through the bodies that littered the outside to climb on.

“Want something to drink?” Kellin asked.

“Uh, yeah, sure,” I said. He took my hand and led me to the small counter. He quickly made something them handed it to me, before making his own drink.

“Let’s go outside,” he instructed.

I nodded and followed him outside into the throng of bodies that made itself the dance floor. Together we sipped on our drinks and danced.

Finally, though, once we’ve both had plenty of alcohol in our systems, we ventured away from the bus.

We were in between Mayday Parade and iwrestledabearonce’s busses when he leaned down and pressed his lips to mine.

The kiss was heated. Instantly his tongue was massaging mine and my arms were around his neck.

Then we were separated.

Breathing heavily, I leaned against Mayday’s bus and stared at Kellin, who was grinning like a little kid on Christmas.

“Wow,” he said.

“Wow indeed,” I agreed.

Kellin leaned down and placed a shorter, much sweeter kiss on my lips before pulling away.

“I really like you, Cayne,” he whispered.

“What are you saying?” I asked.

Kellin’s eyes met mine, “I’m asking you to be my girlfriend.”

I gulped, looking away. My cheeks flushed.

“Cayne?”

“I don’t really want to date, Kellin,” I told him, turning back around. “That’s why Cameron and I were in an open relationship. I dated this one guy and it turned out bad and so I’ve been taking a break from dating.”

Kellin furrowed his brows, “You think that our relationship would turn out like that?”

“I’m saying that I’m 23 and I’m not looking for anything serious,” I replied. “I don’t want to be tied down like I was just yet. Not to one person.”

Kellin leaned on the bus too, “I understand.”

“But we could – “

“No, Cayne,” Kellin sighed. I bit my lip. “I really like you. And though Cameron might’ve been able to do it for who knows how long, but I don’t want to have you then know you’re free to go kiss some random guy.”

I nodded, “Yeah, I get it. I’m sorry.”

Kellin offered me a smile, “Maybe sometime in the future, when you’re ready.”

“I’ll hit you up,” I chuckled.

“Can I get one last kiss, though?” he asked. I got on my toes and pressed my lips to his.

“I’m going to go now,” I said when I pulled away. “I’ll see you around.”

I turned around and made my way back to the bus. I really wasn’t in the mood to go back to the party.

When I entered I was surprised to see that Alex was still sitting there. His head has lulled back and he was sleeping on the couch.

I walked over, pushing his shoulder. He shook awake.

“Alex, what are you still doing here?” I asked.

“I fell asleep,” he mumbled, checking the watch on his wrist. “What are you doing back so early?”

“I told Kellin that I don’t want to date him,” I shrugged, plopping down on the couch across from him.

“I’m tired,” I said after a few moments silence.

“Go to sleep,” Alex said.

I nodded, moving to get up, “Good night.”

“Night, I love you.”

I stopped my movements and stared at Alex with my jaw on the floor. He seemed to realize what he said because his eyes widened.

“I mean – “

“Alex, I heard you,” I said.

Alex shut his mouth. I saw his adam apple move as he gulped.

“What’s the point of being in love?” I said, standing up. “There’s no reason to fall in love. No reason at all. All you do is stay the night at each other’s houses every weekend, get bored of each other as one plays video games and the other reads a book. There’s no kissing in the rain, like in the movies. Basically, all you do is fuck each other over.”

My eyes met Alex’s, which were filled with tears.

“I didn’t mean – “

“You meant it, Cayne,” Alex said, standing up. He glared at me.

“Alex – “

“Not every relationship is going to turn out like you and Peyton, Cayne!” he yelled. I was so surprised I saw back down. “You need to stop being such a fucking wuss. Do you think that if we broke up, I’d call you a sadistic cold bitch? Do you think I’m gong to text you telling you I just made out with a slut? Do you really think I’m like that?”

I looked down at my hands.

“I love the way you smile, Cayne. I love the way you look so passionate when you sing. I love how when you have a cup of that Brisk iced tea and lemonade shit and you take a sip how you say it looks so pretty like that. I love how you stare at the sun no matter how many people warn you because it’s pretty. I love how you don’t believe in science and would rather live in the unknown. I love how you’ll only have gas station coffee.”

“Alex – “

Alex sat across from me, arms crossed, staring me down.

My throat felt dry. I had the tears forming behind my eyes threatening to fall from my eyes.

Alex huffed and turned his head. I knew he was about to cry and just didn’t want me to see.

“Alex?” I said quietly, when I heard him whimper.

“Don’t fucking speak, Cayne.”

I pressed my lips together and stood up, walking towards the bunks.

“Fine. Goodnight Alex.”