My Miserable Romance
Sorry for spitting at the wall.
I'd been asleep for a couple of hours, but woke up as I felt someone next to me. I jolted up in a sitting position in my bed and tried to look at the person next to me through the thick darkness.
"Calm down, it's Mikey" the person next to me said.
"What are you doing in here? It's in the middle of the night"
"I couldnt sleep... And I just wanted you to know that Im sorry"
"Sorry for what?" I yawned. I wasnt gonna make this easy for him. If he really was sorry, then he would say it even though I was acting like a complete asshole about it.
"For making you think that I dont care about you or Frank"
Oh... So he's not gonna say that he's sorry for all the other, much worse, things that he'd done?!
That's just unbelievable, I thought, but noticed that he wasnt done.
"And Im sorry for making you two split up"
That's what I wanted to hear...
"Sorry for... Wait, I havent done anything wrong!" I said and hugged him.
"You can apoligize for spitting at the wall before" he said and giggled, probably relieved that I'd hugged him, which meant that I wasnt mad at him.
"Sorry for spitting at the wall"
"I forgive you, if you'll forgive me" he said and I knew that he was smiling even though I couldnt see him.
"Before we start to forgive each other, does this mean that me and Frank can be together?"
He didnt answer, which made me really confused. He just said that he was sorry, and still he didnt accept the fact that Frank and I wanted to be together.
"I dont know, Gee"
"What do you mean, you dont know?"
"Why did you have to do that?!" he asked with a loud voice, which echoed around in our silent apartment.
"Do what?"
"I came here to apologize and you just had to bring that shit up again, why do you always do that?"
"Cause I wanna be with him, Mikey"
"Why dont you wanna be with me?"
I gasped in shock as he said those last words.
"I dont mean like that, you dumbfuck..." he said quietly. "Im just scared that you'll leave me"
I sighed in relief that he wasnt meaning what I think he meant. I swear, my heart stopped beating for a second when I heard him say that. Me and Mikey, together... Just the thought of it made me sick. I love my brother, but not in a sick, incest loving way.
"Why would I leave you? Didnt you notice that I left Frank home alone when he had just passed out, just cause you didnt want me to be with him? And for all the times when I tried to make you talk to me, but you just kept ignoring me"
"What else could I do? If I'd tried to accept this whole thing, you wouldnt have payed me any attention what so ever"
"You could've just told me instead of acting-"
"Who said that I was acting? I just meant that I didnt try to accept it"
"Isnt that the same thing?"
"No, cause even if I tried, Im not sure I would be fine with all this"
"Why not?" I asked, hoping that he would give me an answer that explained this whole thing.
"I just told you! You'll destroy the band... And if you and Frank are together, you'll forget about me! I'll just be your brother, instead of being your best friend"
"What's that got to do with Frank? I've had both girl and boyfriends before, but you never complained"
"That's because Frank's my best friend too! If you'll be with him, not only will I be just your brother, but for him, I'll just be his boyfriends brother. God, it's hard to explain, Gerard... I wont be your best friend anymore"
"Of course you'll be! I'll be Frank's boyfriend, and you'll be his best friend, it's not that hard"
"It's not that simple either" he muttered. "You'll get married, get kids, sorry, adopt kids and I'll be left alone"
"You know what you need?"
"No?"
"A girlfriend" I said and laughed.
"You know when I laughed at your anger before in the living room?"
"Yeah?"
"You just did the same thing" he said and left my room.
I thought about running after him, but it was 3 am so I decided to take it in the morning. I wasnt sure I understood what he meant with not being my best friend. He'll always be my best friend! Frank will never take that away from him, and I know that Frank feels the same way. They've known each other longer, they know everything about each other. Of course that means a lot more than what Frank and I have... That sounded wrong. But it's true, right? Mikey would always be my best friend. And Frank would be, yeah what? Just my boyfriend? Isnt your boyfriend automaticly your best friend?
Okay, I start to get why Mikey's worried. I'd just been thinking about this for a few minutes, and I was ready to blow my brains out in confusion, and he'd probably been thinking non-stop about this ever since Frank and I got together...
A few minutes later, my mind was so overstrained that I fell asleep.
~The next morning~
"Gerard! Answer the phone, Im in the shower!" Mikey yelled from the bathroom. I rolled out of bed and it was pure luck that I didnt hit my head in the door as I stumbled out in the kitchen.
"Yeah?" I said in the phone, hoping that it just was Ray or Bob. I didnt want to talk to any of my relatives this early in the morning... They always wanna talk for hours, like I have nothing else to do. I dont, but Im sure I can find something more amusing than that.
"Mikey?" Frank asked and my I felt a warm, fuzzy feeling all over my body as I heard his voice.
"No, Gerard"
"Oh... Well, erh, I was just wondering where the band practise is tomorrow?"
"You're coming?" I asked confused. Mikey said that he wasnt gonna come.
"Yeah, why?"
"No, nothing.. Anyways, I think we'll just be hanging out in Ray's basement"
"O-okay" he said nervously. "Uh... How's things going with Mikey?"
"Terrible" I groaned and thought about our converstion last night.
"You know... I miss you"
I grabbed the phone tighter in my hand and smiled.
"I miss you too, Frankie"
"You have no idea how much it hurts, Gee-" he stopped talking and I waited for him to continue. "We shouldnt be talking like that"
"I know... We have to get use to just being friends again" I sighed into the phone. "Well, I have to go... Bye, Frank"
"See you tomorrow" he said before we hung up. Mikey walked into the kitchen a few seconds later with hair dripping water all over the floor.
"Who was it?" he asked.
"Frankie"
"What did he want?" I heard that he tried to sound as casual as possible, but I didnt know if he really wanted to scream or cry at the fact that I had talked to Frank.
"Asked about the band practise tomorrow..." I answered and looked at him. He avoid my gaze for a few seconds, then he turned to me.
"Fine, I lied to you. He's coming"
"Why did you say that he wasnt?"
"Cause I dont want you two to avoid each other"
"Mikey, for crying out loud... Are you trying to kill me?" I exlaimed and rubbed my temples with my thumbs. "Before I wasnt allowed to date him, and he left me, and now Im not allowed to avoid him. You cant have both!"
"I dont want both, I want you to be friends, not lovers, not enemies... Okay?"
"Nope. Not okay. Im the one who get's to choose here, not you"
"So you're gonna ignore my feelings about this?"
"Why shouldnt I? You're completely ignoring my feelings!" I yelled and tears began to prick my eyes.
"Are you crying?" he asked and looked at me with big eyes.
"Yeah, so what?" I snarled.
"Why are you crying?"
"Why do you care?"
"Not that shit again, Gerard. I care about you"
"Im crying cause Im frustraded. You're trying to control my life, and the worst part is that you actually succeeded! Why cant you just let me choose my own destiny instead of you playing the almighty Mikey?"
"The thing is that Frank chose to leave you" he said sarcasticly, but when he saw my sad face, he stopped. "Sorry, that was insensitive..."
"Do never forget that you made him-"
"I know, and Im sorry for that... I've been thinking about what you said"
"You have? What did I say that was worth thinking about?"
"Would I be your best friend even if you're with Frank?"
"Yes, if you stop acting like this" I said and pushed away the thoughts that said the opposite. Even if I was with Frank and even if Frank would be my best friend, that doesnt mean that I would cut Mikey out of my life. He will always be one of my best friends.
He sat down at the table and looked at me.
"Give me some time... Okay?" he asked.
"Sure" I said, not sure of what he meant but I could still give him some time, with whatever he needed time with.
I spent two hours locked up in my room, just trying to concentrate on wrighting down my feelings, but it didnt work. The words came out easily, but I couldnt form a proper sentence... Random words were on the paper in front of me, without making sense so I gave up and walked out in the living room and turned on the tv.
"Im going to Ray" Mikey yelled from the hallway.
"Okay"
"Dont to anything stupid"
Oh god, my little brother is telling me not to do anything stupid...
"Like what?" I yelled back.
If he'll say `burn down the house´, I'll kill him.
"Like using the oven" he said and laughed. I was just about to attack him when I heard the door close. I sighed and decided to spend the rest of the day in front of the tv, just letting my mind get brainwashed by easy jokes and bad actors in the ordinary comedies.
"Calm down, it's Mikey" the person next to me said.
"What are you doing in here? It's in the middle of the night"
"I couldnt sleep... And I just wanted you to know that Im sorry"
"Sorry for what?" I yawned. I wasnt gonna make this easy for him. If he really was sorry, then he would say it even though I was acting like a complete asshole about it.
"For making you think that I dont care about you or Frank"
Oh... So he's not gonna say that he's sorry for all the other, much worse, things that he'd done?!
That's just unbelievable, I thought, but noticed that he wasnt done.
"And Im sorry for making you two split up"
That's what I wanted to hear...
"Sorry for... Wait, I havent done anything wrong!" I said and hugged him.
"You can apoligize for spitting at the wall before" he said and giggled, probably relieved that I'd hugged him, which meant that I wasnt mad at him.
"Sorry for spitting at the wall"
"I forgive you, if you'll forgive me" he said and I knew that he was smiling even though I couldnt see him.
"Before we start to forgive each other, does this mean that me and Frank can be together?"
He didnt answer, which made me really confused. He just said that he was sorry, and still he didnt accept the fact that Frank and I wanted to be together.
"I dont know, Gee"
"What do you mean, you dont know?"
"Why did you have to do that?!" he asked with a loud voice, which echoed around in our silent apartment.
"Do what?"
"I came here to apologize and you just had to bring that shit up again, why do you always do that?"
"Cause I wanna be with him, Mikey"
"Why dont you wanna be with me?"
I gasped in shock as he said those last words.
"I dont mean like that, you dumbfuck..." he said quietly. "Im just scared that you'll leave me"
I sighed in relief that he wasnt meaning what I think he meant. I swear, my heart stopped beating for a second when I heard him say that. Me and Mikey, together... Just the thought of it made me sick. I love my brother, but not in a sick, incest loving way.
"Why would I leave you? Didnt you notice that I left Frank home alone when he had just passed out, just cause you didnt want me to be with him? And for all the times when I tried to make you talk to me, but you just kept ignoring me"
"What else could I do? If I'd tried to accept this whole thing, you wouldnt have payed me any attention what so ever"
"You could've just told me instead of acting-"
"Who said that I was acting? I just meant that I didnt try to accept it"
"Isnt that the same thing?"
"No, cause even if I tried, Im not sure I would be fine with all this"
"Why not?" I asked, hoping that he would give me an answer that explained this whole thing.
"I just told you! You'll destroy the band... And if you and Frank are together, you'll forget about me! I'll just be your brother, instead of being your best friend"
"What's that got to do with Frank? I've had both girl and boyfriends before, but you never complained"
"That's because Frank's my best friend too! If you'll be with him, not only will I be just your brother, but for him, I'll just be his boyfriends brother. God, it's hard to explain, Gerard... I wont be your best friend anymore"
"Of course you'll be! I'll be Frank's boyfriend, and you'll be his best friend, it's not that hard"
"It's not that simple either" he muttered. "You'll get married, get kids, sorry, adopt kids and I'll be left alone"
"You know what you need?"
"No?"
"A girlfriend" I said and laughed.
"You know when I laughed at your anger before in the living room?"
"Yeah?"
"You just did the same thing" he said and left my room.
I thought about running after him, but it was 3 am so I decided to take it in the morning. I wasnt sure I understood what he meant with not being my best friend. He'll always be my best friend! Frank will never take that away from him, and I know that Frank feels the same way. They've known each other longer, they know everything about each other. Of course that means a lot more than what Frank and I have... That sounded wrong. But it's true, right? Mikey would always be my best friend. And Frank would be, yeah what? Just my boyfriend? Isnt your boyfriend automaticly your best friend?
Okay, I start to get why Mikey's worried. I'd just been thinking about this for a few minutes, and I was ready to blow my brains out in confusion, and he'd probably been thinking non-stop about this ever since Frank and I got together...
A few minutes later, my mind was so overstrained that I fell asleep.
~The next morning~
"Gerard! Answer the phone, Im in the shower!" Mikey yelled from the bathroom. I rolled out of bed and it was pure luck that I didnt hit my head in the door as I stumbled out in the kitchen.
"Yeah?" I said in the phone, hoping that it just was Ray or Bob. I didnt want to talk to any of my relatives this early in the morning... They always wanna talk for hours, like I have nothing else to do. I dont, but Im sure I can find something more amusing than that.
"Mikey?" Frank asked and my I felt a warm, fuzzy feeling all over my body as I heard his voice.
"No, Gerard"
"Oh... Well, erh, I was just wondering where the band practise is tomorrow?"
"You're coming?" I asked confused. Mikey said that he wasnt gonna come.
"Yeah, why?"
"No, nothing.. Anyways, I think we'll just be hanging out in Ray's basement"
"O-okay" he said nervously. "Uh... How's things going with Mikey?"
"Terrible" I groaned and thought about our converstion last night.
"You know... I miss you"
I grabbed the phone tighter in my hand and smiled.
"I miss you too, Frankie"
"You have no idea how much it hurts, Gee-" he stopped talking and I waited for him to continue. "We shouldnt be talking like that"
"I know... We have to get use to just being friends again" I sighed into the phone. "Well, I have to go... Bye, Frank"
"See you tomorrow" he said before we hung up. Mikey walked into the kitchen a few seconds later with hair dripping water all over the floor.
"Who was it?" he asked.
"Frankie"
"What did he want?" I heard that he tried to sound as casual as possible, but I didnt know if he really wanted to scream or cry at the fact that I had talked to Frank.
"Asked about the band practise tomorrow..." I answered and looked at him. He avoid my gaze for a few seconds, then he turned to me.
"Fine, I lied to you. He's coming"
"Why did you say that he wasnt?"
"Cause I dont want you two to avoid each other"
"Mikey, for crying out loud... Are you trying to kill me?" I exlaimed and rubbed my temples with my thumbs. "Before I wasnt allowed to date him, and he left me, and now Im not allowed to avoid him. You cant have both!"
"I dont want both, I want you to be friends, not lovers, not enemies... Okay?"
"Nope. Not okay. Im the one who get's to choose here, not you"
"So you're gonna ignore my feelings about this?"
"Why shouldnt I? You're completely ignoring my feelings!" I yelled and tears began to prick my eyes.
"Are you crying?" he asked and looked at me with big eyes.
"Yeah, so what?" I snarled.
"Why are you crying?"
"Why do you care?"
"Not that shit again, Gerard. I care about you"
"Im crying cause Im frustraded. You're trying to control my life, and the worst part is that you actually succeeded! Why cant you just let me choose my own destiny instead of you playing the almighty Mikey?"
"The thing is that Frank chose to leave you" he said sarcasticly, but when he saw my sad face, he stopped. "Sorry, that was insensitive..."
"Do never forget that you made him-"
"I know, and Im sorry for that... I've been thinking about what you said"
"You have? What did I say that was worth thinking about?"
"Would I be your best friend even if you're with Frank?"
"Yes, if you stop acting like this" I said and pushed away the thoughts that said the opposite. Even if I was with Frank and even if Frank would be my best friend, that doesnt mean that I would cut Mikey out of my life. He will always be one of my best friends.
He sat down at the table and looked at me.
"Give me some time... Okay?" he asked.
"Sure" I said, not sure of what he meant but I could still give him some time, with whatever he needed time with.
I spent two hours locked up in my room, just trying to concentrate on wrighting down my feelings, but it didnt work. The words came out easily, but I couldnt form a proper sentence... Random words were on the paper in front of me, without making sense so I gave up and walked out in the living room and turned on the tv.
"Im going to Ray" Mikey yelled from the hallway.
"Okay"
"Dont to anything stupid"
Oh god, my little brother is telling me not to do anything stupid...
"Like what?" I yelled back.
If he'll say `burn down the house´, I'll kill him.
"Like using the oven" he said and laughed. I was just about to attack him when I heard the door close. I sighed and decided to spend the rest of the day in front of the tv, just letting my mind get brainwashed by easy jokes and bad actors in the ordinary comedies.