My Miserable Romance

"Gerard please, just go out there and tell him to shut the fuck up!" Mikey cried with his hands over his ears.
"Don't be such a drama queen, Mikes. At least he's a lot more quieter than yesterday" I said and tried to smile at him, but only got an angry glare.
"Do you enjoy hearing him suffer?" Mikey asked, but stopped looking so angry when he saw my face. "Sorry, I just cant stand to hear his damn moaning and groaning anymore"
"Go out and talk to him then"
"I cant. Everytime he hears the door open, he thinks it's you and he gets all happy, and when he sees me... I dont like to make him disappointed"
"Yeah well, Im not going out there" I said, determined. Frank has been sitting outside our door for two days. At first he was screaming my name, then he said my name, mumbled my name and finally he didnt do more then whisper it, but it was still fucking annoying. Sometimes I could hear him bang something, probably his head, into the wall repeatedly and even though I was mad, I just wanted to go out there and wrap my arms around him to make him stop hurting himself. Maybe I was being to harsh? Most people cheat in their lifes... Maybe it's not a big deal.

"He hurt you, Gerard. Don't ever forget that he chose to kiss Lisa even though he knew what the consequences could be" Mikey said when I told him what was on my mind. "But it's up for you to decide how much of his shit you can put up with"
"Well, when you put it that way... You're right"
Mikey nodded but then stopped and threw his hands up to his ears. Frank had started to scream again, this time even louder than when he first arrived.
"GERARD!" he cried. Even though the door muffled quite a lot of the noice, I could still hear him clearly.
"Okay, I'll take back what I said, go out and make him shut up. I dont care what you do, kiss him, beat the shit out of him, but make it stop!" Mikey exclaimed and pleaded at me.
I sighed and walked into my bedroom. Great, now I dont have Mikeys support either.
"Fine!" Mikey yelled. "Then I'll go out and make him shut up"
"Thank you" I yelled back and heard the door close. The screaming stopped. Oh thank god...
I wonder what they're saying though... I looked around in my room but there was nothing I could do to keep my curiousity away. I sneaked over to the hall, put my ear against the wooden door and tried to hear what they were talking about.

"...So we would really appreciate if you'd shut up" I heard Mikey say in a kind voice. Just like him, he's always treating the bad guys with respect which they doesnt deserve.
"Sorry Mikey" Frank croaked and my heart skipped a beat when I heard his voice. Can you fall out of love? Stop loving someone?
It doesnt matter if you can, cause I havent. I know that I still love him somewhere inside of me, but the love has been temporary replaced by anger. What if I cant stop hate him for what he did?
"Will you be okay?" Mikey asked softly.
"Yeah... But can you try to get Gee out to talk to me?"
"I dont know Frank, he seems to be hiding a lot of anger. I dont think he's showing how hurt he really is, but I can tell that he's upset"
Upset. I'm more than upset. I had my heart ripped out for crying out loud!

"I really messed up, didnt I?"
Mikey didnt answer, so I guess he was just nodding. I heard footsteps right outside the door and before I could move away from the door, it opened. Shocked by the sudden lost of support from the door, I tripped, making me stumble out. I got my balance back, looked up and saw Frank standing right in front of me. I looked back in his eyes, completely loosing myself in them before I straightened myself up and looked away.

You're mad at him. He hurt you, don't let him to it again. He reached out to take my hand to make me stay, but I quickly jumped away, finally getting my brain back. I ran to my door just as Mikey closed it.
"Mikey, for fuck's sake!" I yelled and pounded at the door.
"I don't want to hear him howl, scream or groan for one more second, so tell him to shut up, cause he isnt listening to me!" he yelled from the other side of the door. I gave the door one last kick, knowing that Mikey wouldnt let me in. I was stuck in the corridor with Frank. Great.
"Gee-"
"Gerard. Soon Mr. Way" I said coldly and glared at him. He nodded and then continued.
"Will you let me explain?" he asked quietly.
"It's raining outside, I have no shoes or jacket and my brother, who's suppose to be my friend, locked me out... If you wanna explain, go on. I cant avoid it, but I cant promise that I'll listen"
I sat down on a stair-step while he was sitting down with his back leaning against the wall. He looked awful. His usually happy and shiny face was now some sort of grayish, white color. His hair was plastered to his face, probably from the rain outside and his eyes were tired, like he hadnt slept in years. I hope he didnt sleep out here for two nights...
"I know that you hate me, and you have every right to" he started and played with his fingers, not looking at me. "I'm sorry, I just-"
"I don't wanna hear that you're sorry Frank. I wanna hear why you did it, how you did it and most importantly, I want you to look at me while you're talking" I said, and I heard that my voice was a bit softer than before. Damn. Don't break down. He did a mistake, not you, you're not suppose to feel sorry for him!

But everyone makes mistakes... No, remember what Mikey told you, you dumb fuck. It's up for me to decide how much shit I can take, and he did know the consequences... Okay, the pity is gone.

"I went home from spending the day with you guys" Frank said, took a deep breath and then continued. "When I got home, someone was in my kitchen and I freaked out. It appeared to be Lisa, who'd just broke up with her boyfriend and all of her friend were out of town so she needed someone to talk to"
I rolled my eyes and Frank smiled weakly.
"I know, I didnt believe her either, but I couldnt say that so I just figured that if I'll talk to her for a few minutes, she'll leave me alone. So we sat down and talked in my couch and all of a sudden she kissed me" he stopped to see what my reaction would be, but I just kept a straight face. He looked up in the ceiling, as if to blink away his tears.

"...And I didnt push her away. I was such an idiot, I know, but it wasnt really a kiss, our lips just touched-"
"No fucking details" I snarled.
"But I want you to understand-"
"Understand that you cheated on me with your ex girlfriend, and now you're trying to excuse yourself out of it?"
His eyes filled with tears again and I felt the sympathy in me rise, but I ignored it.
"I know what you think of me, but I dont like Lisa. I did, but my feelings for her are long gone, Gee. Gerard"
"That makes it all even worse. You challenged what we have for a simple kiss with a girl you dont even like?"
"I want to blame it on the fever that I had, but I dont think it's that easy... I can't explain why I didnt push her away. I wish I had but now I can only hope for you to forgive me"
I looked down at my hands and I sighed. Why am I always the victim?
"How long did you kiss?" I asked, suddenly felt an urge to know.
"I told you, it wasnt even a kiss. Our lips just touched then you came over-"
"So I was the one who ended the kiss?"
"Yeah, I guess"
"So if I hadnt showed up, you would've continued?!" I yelled, making him jump in surprise.
"No, no, no, I would've pushed her right off, Gerard! It was just a matter of seconds, and you have to understand that I didnt want it to happen!" he sobbed and sounded so desperate that I just had to believe him.
"That doesnt change anything though" I said and got up from the step.
"Where are you going?" he asked worridly, like I was gonna kill him any second.
"I'm gonna go back into my apartment, cause I dont think you're gonna scream anything more, right?"
"But Gerard-" he said and jumped up from the floor. The lack of sleep made him fall over and I was just about to catch him when he regained posture. He looked at me with huge eyes, like I'd just saved his life. "You do care"
"Just cause I dont want you to hit the floor doesnt mean that I forgive you" I said and glared at him before I walked over to my door and banged my first into it.
"Mikey, let me in!" I yelled.
"Are you guys okay again?"
I looked at Frank.
"No"
"But is he gonna scream?"
"No-"
"Yes I will. I will scream at the top of my lungs if you leave me, and I mean that" he croaked and I turned around.
"It's not up for you to decide whether I shall leave you or not. And I can promise you, if you'll ever scream my name, I'll never talk to you again" I hissed and got back to the door. "Mikey!"
"You two are not done yet" he said simply and I heard that he was walked away from the door. I gritted my teeth in frustration and sat down on the stairs again.
"Gerard?" Frank asked carefully.
"Yes?" I responded, trying to sound angry, but all I wanted to do was to cry. I wanna forgive him so badly, and still I dont want to show him that. I want him to know that he cant fuck with me, cant break me, but he can.
"Would you be really mad if I asked you a question?"
"That depends"
"Have you ever been in love? You know, really loved someone?" he asked with the cutest face. He looked so sad, but still it looked like he was thinking about something wonderful that made his tired eyes sparkle.
"Yeah" I muttered, thinking about how I felt for Frank just a few days ago, before this whole shit came up.
"Do you remember that feeling that just makes you wanna scream in joy and happiness?" he asked carefully, knowing that I could snap any second.
"Yes" I sniffled and put my head in my hands. "What's your point?"
"I never felt like that for Lisa"
"Nice to know" I muttered and shivered, realizing how cold it is out here. Frank must be freezing to death, I mean he's soaking wet...
"Mikey!" I yelled once again and kicked at the door. Frank looked at me with sad eyes, thinking that I was gonna leave him, but I know Mikey wont allow that. He's such a optimist, I bet he's expecting me and Frank to be back together before the night comes, and I know he wont let me in until that happens. I just have to wait for Frank to go home so Mikey can understand that it's not gonna happen.
"Yeah?" he yelled after a few seconds of silence.
"I need a shirt!"
He disappeared, then came back, quickly opened the door and threw out a black hoodie. As fast as he could, he closed the door so that I wouldn't be able to get my foot in between the door.
I sat back down, looked at the sweater and then threw it at Frank. He flinched, avoiding to get the sweater to hit him.
I gave him a weird look, but he just smiled nervously.
"Sorry, I thought it was something... you know, heavier that you intented to hurt me with"
"Just put it on" I said, shocked that he thought that I would actually be able to hurt him physicaly like that. "You look like an icecube"
"Don't you want it yourself?"
"Stop being so fucking polite and just put it on" I snapped and he nodded while carefully putting on the sweater.
"Thank you"
"When are you gonna leave?" I asked and stared at him. He looked so small in my big sweater, that even was too big for me.
"If you want me to leave, just say it"
"I want you to... You know what?! I dont have to ask you to leave, I'm not even gonna talk to you!" I yelled and crossed my arms over my chest. We both sat in silence, me with my head in my arms just trying to ignore the fact that I was stuck in a corridor with the man I both hate and love. He was making some strange, snuffling noises, so I looked up and noticed that he had the neck of my sweater covering his mouth while he was smelling it.
"What the hell are you doing?" I asked and raised my eyebrow.
"It smells like you, and if this is the closest I'll ever come to you again, then I have to settle for this"
I couldnt help but to smile a little, he looked so cute, sitting there on the floor with my oversized sweater in his face, explaining with a serious face that he was smelling it.
"And that's all I wanted" he said and got up from the floor.
"What?" I asked confused.
"To see you smile. I still think it's the cutest thing about you"
"And I have to say that you look even shorter in that sweater than what you usually do" I said and ran a hand threw my hair and a thought crossed my mind.

Shit. My hair. When I came home from Frank's place, my hair was clean. He washed me... Might even had raped me, even though I seriously doubt it.

He was smiling like a maniac, knowing that I was about to at least stop hating him, but when he saw my angry face, his smile was replaced with a worried look.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that about your smile, please dont even more mad, Gerard" he pleaded.
"Did you rape me?" I asked quietly, ignoring his last comment.
"Rape you? What makes you think that I raped you?!"
"When I was unconcious and you carried me home from that bench... When I woke up, I was clean, like someone had showered me."
"I washed you, yes, but I didnt fucking rape you!" he cried and looked horrified.
"You used me. You took advantage on me while I was unconcious. You knew that I was mad at you, so what made you think that you had any right to undress and wash me?!" I screamed and shot up from the stair. "First you cheated on me, then you undressed and washed me and even though I told you to stay away, you sit outside my door for two days, begging me to let you explain!"
I walked up to him, got down on my knees and looked him straight in the eyes.
"You're unbelievable and I want you to leave" I hissed, feeling his hot breath in my face.
"But Gerard-" he started, staring like hypnotized on my lips.
"Don't even think about kissing me"
"I'm not"
"Then what the hell are you still sitting here for?!"
He pushed me away from him.
"You were freaking out. Shaking, crying, screaming. You were cold, and I dont mean normally cold, I mean deadly cold and I didnt know what to do. I knew that you were mad at me, yes, but I didnt want you to wake up with a pneumonia, so I decided that the only think I could do was to keep you warm. I undressed you cause your clothes were wet and cold, and when that didnt help, I just had to shower you. And if you for one second think that I enjoyed seeing you like that, you're not the man I thought you were" he said severely, but still with a soft and sad voice.
"I'm not the man you thought I was? Like it's me who did the wrong thing!" I yelled and stormed off. He got a hold of my arm and fiercefully pulled me back.
"I didnt mean it like that, I know that Im the one to blame for all of this, but I didnt rape you"
"Let go of me" I hissed and glared at his hand, which was holding on tightly in my arm.
"Say that you believe me" he pleaded.

I pushed him away with my free hand, making him letting go of me and I ran down the stairs. I stopped at the end of the stairs, trying to catch up with my breathing. I didnt think that Frank was following me, but all of a sudden I was lying on the floor with him on top of me.
"Get off of me!" I yelled, trying wildly to push him away.
"I have something to tell you" he said calmly, as the situation we were in didnt excist.
"I dont wanna hear you telling me all of your fucking excuses, Frank, so get off-"
"I love you"
I stopped fighting and looked at him.

Those words were three days late.
"Well, you should've thought about that before you kissed your ex girlfriend"
He started crying, and I shoved him off of me and ran out in the rain. He loved me, and I loved him... But I still hated him. I heard that he was behind me, so I ran faster and was just about to run across the street when he stopped me. Damn him for being faster then me.
"What do you want?!" I screamed and looked at him, trying to make him let go of me. "You have explained everything for me already!"
He looked at me one last time then he let go of my arm. I was just about to run across the street when I heard Frank yelling something. I ignored it, then suddenly saw a huge, black truck driving towards me in high speed. I gasped and tried to make my legs run, but I couldnt move. I saw Frank running to push me away, but it was too late. The truck drove too fast for him to make it, and the last thing I felt was the truck breaking all of my bones.