My Miserable Romance

~Back to Gerards POV~

"That's when I wrote this..." Frank said and handed me the paper again.
"But... Why did you lie to me?"
"Does it matter?"
"Yes, it does"
"I lied to you cause I didnt want you to think that I was with Lisa even if I had feelings for you"
"But you were?"
"I know and I'm a fucking terrible person for that" he muttered. "But I didnt know if what I felt for you was real and what Lisa and I had was great, but... Yeah well, that worked out anway. She dumped me and first I was sad but then I realized that it was for the best"
"Cause you realized that you'd used her?"
"Why are you defending her all of a sudden?"
"Cause you were with her even if you felt something for someone else!" I exclaimed and threw the paper back onto the shelf.
"But why does that matter? It's not like I cheated on her or anything"
"But it's wrong! Wrong to let her think that you loved her"
"I loved her, I just- FUCK!" he yelled as there was a hissing sound coming from the kitchen. It sounded like water hitting a hot surface.

He looked at me, then back to the kitchen, me, kitchen until I finally gave him a push to make him go. Our conversation could wait, but the kitchen would burn down. He threw himself out the bedroom door and I collapsed on his bed.

It was okay that he liked me back then. That's fine. And that he was with Lisa even if he felt something for me was fine too. I couldnt care less about her feelings... It was the thought of him doing the same to me that made me mad. He did it to Lisa, what makes this different? Sure, I'm not as bitchy as Lisa... I'm a lot nicer, kinder, funnier-
Let's not enumerate how much better I am, that'll take all night. But in the end, it wasnt that much of a difference. We both loved Frank... And we both thought that he loved us back.
Only us. I laid on the bed for ten minutes until I got a bit suspicious. All he had to do was to take the lid of whatever he had on the stove, which didnt take more than a few seconds.

I jumped out of his bed and walked out in the kitchen. He was sitting on a chair at the table and just staring out the window. He jolted up when he saw me.

"I had to clean up the mess" he explained. "Dinner's ready by the way"
I nodded and we took our plates and sat down in his living room on the couch. We ate in silence, cause no one wanted to be the first to get back into the conversation we had in his bedroom even though we both knew we had to, sooner or later.

"I know what you think of me" he suddenly said and I stopped eating. "But I was confused"
"That's not an excuse for what you did to her" I mumbled and played with my fork. He looked at the fork like hypnotized, then snapped out of it.
"I'm not trying to come up with an excusing, I'm trying to explain"
"Please do, I wont stop you. Go on, explain why you were with Lisa even though you had feelings for someone else" I said, irritated.
"Why do you always say `someone else´, like I didnt feel it for someone special. I felt something for you but I wasnt sure, okay? I mean, what if I was wrong? Then I would've blowed my biggest relationship ever"
"What a shame" I muttered and moved to the corner of the couch, resting on the back and arm support.
"I was scared. I'm not proud of what I did but when I asked Mikey, he thought that the best thing to do was to wait for something to happen" he said whilst staring down in the table.
"Mikey? Mikey knew that you had feelings for me?"
"Of course he did, he was my best friend"

What the fuck? If Mikey knew that Frank had feelings for me, why did he freak out when we got together?
... That's not the probem I have to deal with right now, though.

"But you said that you loved Lisa"
"I did!" he exclaimed. "That's what made me confused, baby-"
"Don't baby me right now, please... I'm really not in the mood of hearing you say that" I said harshly and his face started to show frustration and anger.
"What do you want me to say? That I'm sorry for being scared? I was on the verge of founding out that I was bisexual, I was confused! And you didnt make it easier for me when you walked around, giving me weird looks everytime I was with Mikey" he yelled.
"I didnt give you any weird looks, and if I did, it was cause I was drunk!"
"Another reason for me to be confused, I didnt know if you were drunk or not when you gave me those looks. Guess I know now"
"Don't fucking blame me for your confusion! I didnt even like you in that way, and I never showed any feelings to make you think that I did"
"You're twisting my words!" he yelled and jumped up from the couch.
"Of course I am, that's the only way to talk to you without loosing my mind"
"What's that suppose to mean?"
"Nothing" I muttered and looked away from him. He was silent for a second, then sighed and sat down on the floor next to where I sat on the couch.

"You dont care a shit about Lisa, so why are you so upset?" he asked softly and took my hand.
"Don't" I said and pulled away my hand. How does he manage to do that? He goes from sad, to angry and now to nice...
"Gerard, you're way too important for me to let something like this make us slip away from each other. Tell me what's bothering you and I'll try to fix it"
"You cant fix everything that's wrong, Frankie" I snarled.
"I said; I'll try to fix it" he said and took my hand again and this time I didnt take mine away.

"What makes our relationship different?" I asked and looked him straight in the eyes, ready to analyze every little word that was about to come out of his mouth.
"Nothing" he said after a few seconds of silence. I nodded and got up from the couch.
"Where are you going?"
"Unpack my things" I was just about to leave the room when he stopped me.
"No, please don't leave!"
"Fine" I said and turned around. I didnt wanna make the same mistake again - to leave him when he was asking me to stay.
"You're right, there is no difference between the relationships, but you was the one that I had feelings for so why are you mad?"
I sighed. Here we go again.
"How do I know that you wont to the same to me?"
"What?"
"Well, apparently you're able to be with someone that you love and still have feelings for someone else" I mumbled and felt a sting of vulnerable emotions. I'd told him my fear and now it was up to him what he'd do with it.
"You dont know and you never will" he said. "But I want you to trust me"
"How can I trust you when I know what you've done?"
"That's what trust is all about... I can promise you that I will never ever hurt you but if I do, I'll spend the rest of my life to make it up to you. I love you more than you'll ever know and I want you to trust me when I say that"
"I love you too, but you scare the shit out of me sometimes" I said and felt my anger drain off of me. "I trust you"
He smiled and then took a deep breath.
"You forgive me?"
"There's nothing to forgive. You did what you did and I will always have that in mind, but I'm not mad"
He nodded and sat down next to me on the couch.
"We fight a lot"
"And we always have" I said and laughed. "What's wrong with us?"
"I dont know... Well, as long as we're still together after every fight, I dont care"
"I'm sorry for yelling at you" I said and wrapped my arm around his waist. He put his head on my shoulder, like he always did and I knew that I had overreacted. He would never hurt me. At least not intend to hurt me.
"Sorry for lieing, yelling and hurting you" he said and hugged me closer.

We sat like that in silence for half an hour, just enjoying being close to each other. His head was still on my shoulder and his hair was tickling me in the face.
"Are you asleep, sexy?"
"Nope" he said and laughed slightly. "And I'm glad, otherwise I would've missed when you called me sexy"
"Like you didnt know it" I said and digged my face into his hair. "I have a question for you"
"Okay?"
"But before I ask I want you to know that Im not mad, upset, sad or anything negative, I just wanna know"

He pulled away from me and gave me a worried look but I just shook my head and placed him back where he'd been lying for the past half an hour.
"Okay, what was your question?"
"Why did you write my name on a paper?"
"Cause I was gonna burn it... Oh!"
"What?" I asked, confused.
"That's why it didnt work, I didnt burn the damn paper!"
"Right... I'm gonna ask you again; what?"
"I made up a stupid ritual so that I would stop thinking about you. I was gonna write your name on a paper until there was no room on it anymore, put the days date on it and burn it. That way, I would forget about you" he explained, sounding like it was something everyone did. "But I forgot to burn it"
"You're so..." I said and was about to say weird when I changed my mind. "Cute"
"You should thank me for not burning the paper, cause if I'd done that, I would've been engaged to Lisa"
"Sure you would, honey..." I said and rolled my eyes, which he couldnt see. It's better to let him think that he's right. "You wanna go to bed?"
"If you are" he said and yawned. "Oh, I forgot... You've spent the day carrying five boxes, you must be exhausted"
"I dont need your sarcasm right now and for your information, it was three boxes" I said and stuck out my tongue and he, as always, did the same, making them meet.
"Why do we do that?"
"I dont know, but I like it" he said and giggled. "Let's get you in bed..."
"That was a typical perv-comment"
"But I meant it in the most loving way as possible" he said and wiggled his eyebrows. "And plus, I didnt mean it to sound like that, which makes you a perv for thinking it"
"Whatever you say" I said, too tired to understand what he was arguing about. "Isnt it weird that this is the first time I'm gonna sleep here?"
"A little, yes... But at least it's not the first time we share bed so I dont think it'll be a problem I mean, If we could sleep in a car we should be able to do this"

Ten minutes later we were both ready for bed and we walked into his bedroom. I looked at the open closet and Frank smiled at me.
"I'm gonna get that paper framed, just so you know it"
I laughed and pushed him down on the bed. His bed was a lot smaller than mine but I dont think that will be a problem.
"If you so much think about stealing the covers, I'll bite you" he said as I laid down next to him.
"Don't worry, I dont sleep with a cover anyway, so you can have it" I said and grinned at his surprised face. "Im a cold-blooded person, that's all"
"You mean warm-blooded?"
"No... Cause If I was warm-blooded the cold would made me freeze. I'm cold-blooded, so the cold can't make me cold, get it?" I said very matter of factly.
"No, I dont think so"
"I dont need a cover, okay?"
"Got it" he said and pressed his lips against mine, which made me realize how much I miss him when we fight, even though he's there. It's like an angry shell of him is there, but his soul is somewhere else.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked.
"About how happy I am to be with you" I said and stroke away his hair from his face. He closed his eyes and smiled as I did so, which made me fall in love all over again. The moonlight coming from the window was shining in his face and when he opened his eyes, the light made them sparkle. "Do you know how beautiful you look like know?"
"I guess I have the moonlight in my face..."
"How did you know?"
"Cause you have it behind you, which makes you look like a angel" he said and laughed but then got serious. "I dont wanna lose you, Gee"
"What makes you think that you will?"
"If you dont trust me, then that's what's gonna happen" he said and ran his finger across my bare chest.
"Well, you havent exactly been a person that I would normally forgive and trust, but there's something about you that makes me do that"
"Tell me, what is it about me? What made you talk and listen to me when you were depressed?" he asked and took away his finger. I took it to my mouth and kissed it.
"I dont know Frankie. You just had something. I dont know what, but it made me believe you"
He didnt say anything, he just stared at my mouth. I smiled and blew some air in his face and he looked at me.
"You've got a scar under your lip"
"Duh..."
"Sorry, I just never noticed it before. Why's you face full of scars?"
"It's not full of it" I said and laughed. "I got three"
"Three? I've only found two!"
"The last one is-"
"No!" he interrupted me. "I'll find it... Some day"
"I doubt you will, but okay"
He studied my face for several seconds until I turned around in the bed. He giggled and brushed his lips over my shoulder.
"Turn around... I wont look for scars, I promise"
"No..." I whispered, enjoying the tickling feeling of his lips on my shoulder. "I like this"
"Please?"
I turned aroun to look at him.
"Happy?"
He nodded and gave me one last kiss.
"Good night, Gee"
"Night, Frankie. I love you"
"I love you too... Let's never fight again, kay?" he asked and moved closer to me.
"Never"