My Miserable Romance

"I have to admit that they look pretty cute together"
"Pretty cute? They're adorable!"
"I've never seen Gee this happy before"
"Me neither... Frankie seems to have make him stop drinking"
"Not without threatening him to death, though"
"Don't be so harsh, I bet it's a hard mountain to climb"
"I guess. And Frankie's the only one who could actually make him do it, we all know that"
"Yeah, don't know why though. They werent that close before when they first met and look at them now."
"Gee wasnt close to anyone back then"
"Ah, true..."
It was definately Bob and Mikey talking about me and Frank, but I didnt care. It was kinda fun hearing them talk about us when they thought that we were asleep.

"How serious are they about this whole thing?"
"I dont know... Gee told me a few weeks ago that he actually loved Frankie, but I dont think he has the courage to tell him"

Ha. In your face, bro.

"Don't you worry about that, Mikey boy... You told me for him" I heard Franks voice say from somewhere close to my ear.

Mikey gasped in shock.
"Shit, shit, sorry! I didnt mean to... Oh fuck, Gerard will kill me! I didnt think you were awake!" he said quickly, probably forgetting that he already knew that he'd heard us say I love you to each other last night. Oh well, he and the rest of them was pretty drunk...
"If you two will leave us alone, I wont tell Gee" Frank said and I felt his fingers playing with my hair.
"Tell me what?" I asked, trying to act like I'd just woken up.
"Mikey said that you loved me" Frank said and looked at Mikey, teasingly.
"Too bad for Mikey.. I'll kill him later" I said, trying to surpress my laughter.
"Gee, I'm really sor-" Mikey started.
"You're unbelievable, Mikes. He already knows it" I said and laughed.
"He does?"
"Yes, but if you would've said that without him knowing it, I dont know what I'd do.. Now, go and get us some breakfast!" I demanded and he obeyed, probably feeling guilty for telling Frank my secret, even though it wasnt a secret anymore. I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep once again.

"Wake up, baby" someone whispered in my ear. I smiled and turned to kiss the person, Frank, on the mouth but let out a scream when I saw that it was Mikey. He laughed and gave me a pat on the head.
"That's what you get for letting me feel guilty"
"Fuck you.. Where's Frankie?" I asked sleepily.
"Here!" someone yelled and something landed landed on top of me.
"Frankie, you're suffocating him" Mikey laughed.
"No, I'm not" the person on top of me exclaimed. "Am I?"
"Yes" I managed to say, my ribs feeling like they were gonna collapse and puncture my lungs any second. I was tired and confused and I really didnt wanna be in their stupid games right now. Frank moved away from my chest and instead sat down on my waist.
"Much better..." I mumbled and tried to go back to sleep but this time, they wouldnt let me.
"Wake up, motherfucker! Or I'll have to do some naughty stuff with you to get you to wake up" Frank said, not really convincing me that it was a punishment.
"I dont mind... Please go on" I said whilst closing my eyes to make him understand that I wouldnt get up on my own.
"My ass you're gonna fuck around on that couch!" Mikey exclaimed.
"Who's gonna fuck around where?" Bob asked as he got out from the bathroom. He looked at me and Frank, and I realized that it looked kinda suspicious that Frank was straddling me.
"Ew, guys" he laughed. Ray came out from the kitchen, giving us the same look as Bob did before laughing too.
"Mikey, leave the lovebirds alone" Ray said with a smile.
"I hope all of your brothers turn gay and you'll see how fun it is..." Mikey muttered but I could see that he was struggling to keep a straight face. "Anyways, get up... It's almost 3pm and we're having a show in three hours"
"Oh right, we're on tour..." I mumbled, not really paying any attention to their conversation. "And Mikey, what happend to my breakfast?"
"It's in the kitchen. If you want it, go and get it"
"Pfh... I'm not hungry anyway"

I pulled the blanket over my head and enjoyed the darkness. I was so tired, all I wanted to do was to sleep but no... The bored retards wouldnt let me do that. Frank quickly ripped the blanket away from my face but I pulled it up again. This repeated itself until we both started laughing.

"Do you wanna sleep?" he asked, looking me in the eyes like he wanted a serious answer.
"Yes" I said with my eyes looking back in his.
"Okidok" he said and jumped off of me.
"Frankie, what the hell? You almost had him!" Mikey whined.
"I know, but he's tired" he said matter of factly, like it actually mattered what I wanted at the moment. I knew that I should go up, but I was tired...

"Hey Gee, how are you gonna play tonight? Sober or drunk?"

Mikey... You god damn son of a fucking bitch... Like that's what I wanna think about right now. His question was ringing in my ear like someone just yelled a few inches from it. Frank was looking up in the ceiling, not wanting to look at me and the whole room fell into a uneasy silence. Sober on stage... Just the thought of it made my brain turn into a foggy mass of fear, anxiety but also excitement. This was my chance to show Frank how much he meant to me... And I hadn't had a single drop in months, so it wont be so hard, right? ... Who am I kidding? Me, the depressed alcoholic - sober?
That's ridiculous. Or is it? Frank would be thrilled, I know that. Or maybe he wont even care? He knows that I'm always drunk on stage, so if I say 'drunk' he will only get a hurt face for a few seconds, then shrug it off and everything will return to normal, without the awkward silence that was hanging in the room.

"Dru-" I started but stopped when I saw Franks face, flushed with anger. Shit... I made the wrong decision. His hands were clinging on to the table in pure anger, his fingers getting whiter and whiter by the force he was using. "Damn..."
He was mad. He was really mad. I could tell by the look of his face.
"Damn what?" Mikey asked confused.
"Sober" I stated, which just made Mikey even more confused.
"Huh?"
"I'm gonna play sober"

I looked at Frank, carefully watching his body language to see what he was about to do. Well, at least he doesnt look mad anymore... But he doesnt look happy either. And he's not looking at me. Fuck, what did I do wrong?!

`You were about to say drunk, you fucktard´ a voice inside my head said. `And he thinks that you're only changing your decision because of him´.
But I am, he's the only reason!

Why the hell am I arguing with myself? That's a clear sign that you're mentally unstable, you know.
"You're gonna be sober?" Ray asked his voice filled with shock. I nodded, not taking my eyes off Frank who finally looked at me with a smile.
"Good for you" he said before sitting down next to me.
"Good for me? Is that all I get?" I asked jokingly.
"No disrespect, but I find it hard to believe you"
"But I'm serious!"
"You are now, but later on, when the show's about to start you'll freak out and run back to the booze... We all know it" he said and put a hand on my shoulder. "You dont need to prove anything to me, I love you no matter what"
"But Frankie, I'm-"
"Gee, it's okay, I'm not mad. If you wanna drink that's fucking fine" he said, irritated that I was trying to convince him something that he obviously thought was impossible. I sighed, not wanting him to be mad.
"Okay okay, I get it. Don't believe me" I said but deep inside I'd made my decision. I was gonna play this show sober. I think it was his words `we all know it´ that made me realize what they all thought about me. That I was truly addicted to the booze... Which I am. No, was... I have Frank, he's my new addiction. But apparently I wont have his support right now cause he doesnt even believe me so I have to go though this on my own. Like a test - Do I love him more than the alcohol? I think so... No, I know I love him more!

*

"Ten minutes!"
I groaned in nervousness, feeling like shit. Frank and Ray was in a different room, going through their guitar stuff. This tour was a lot bigger than our last one, which meant that our show had to be a lot better than what we played before.
Last time we just joked around on stage and it didnt really matter if anyone played or sang wrongly, we were just having a good time. Of course we still had a good time, but now we had to have a good time and preform our best, seeing that our fan base had grown a lot since last time. I threw the paper of our setlist list on the floor and started jumping around to get away the tension that was pressing inside my head. I hadnt even seen Frank for the last two hours, so he didnt even know that I was sober. It was kinda fun cause I really wanted to see his face when he noticed it but still, it wasnt fun at all. I had never been this nervous in my whole life. I mean, I was about to face thousands of screaming people, wanting me to sing my heart out to them and the worst part is that those moments, that scares the shit outta me, is the moments that I live for.

"Five minutes!"

Shit, I hate that dude... I didnt even know who it was that counted down, but I still hated him.
"Hi Gee! Shit, are you okay?" Mikey asked, first happy; then when he saw my face his voice changed to concern as he entered the room. I'd been alone before, my bandmates had spred out across the building to practise, leaving me alone to do my voice exercisements.
I shook my head, not able to speak. I could hear the crowd going crazy outside as the guys who was getting stage ready started finishing up. I glanced at the door that separated us to the stage, bend over and threw up.
Mikey quickly ran over and put a hand on my back, stroking it to make me feel better. I coughed and spat out the remainings of the acid-tasting vomit in my mouth and wiped it away with the back of my hand. It wasnt much, but it was enough to make the janitor sigh in annoyance as he saw the small pool of puke on the floor. I gave him an apologizingly smile, feeling a lot better than before, like some of my nervousness had disappeared with the vomit.
"Are you sure you can play?" Mikey asked worridly.
It was really tempting just to shook my head but that would've been too easy. I can't hide forever... And I was so close now to finally make it, finally make Frank proud so I nodded slowly.
"Okay, whatever you say..." Mikey said. Bob entered the room, looking at me and gave me a weak smile.
"Nervous?"
"Yeah" I said shakily. I walked out of the room and into the bathroom to rinse my mouth. When I returned to the room behind the stage, they were all waiting for me to come so that we could go on stage. I had no chance to talk to Frank, cause I was pushed out on the stage. I froze in the limelight. I couldnt see a shit. I heard the crowd, but I couldnt see them. I grabbed my microphone and finally, the light turned off. I looked out over the crowd and now I was sure. This feeling was exactly like being drunk, almost better. I screamed some random shit in the microphone - I dont remember what. Frank strutted around with his guitar, spitting and screaming at the crowd, Ray was tuning his guitar once again, just to make sure it was alright, Bob adjusted the drums to make them fit into his liking and Mikey was just jumping around with his bass, trying to warm up. I'd never noticed what they were doing on stage, I was always so concentrated on saying the right things, wanting to keep my control even if I was drunk. This time, everything was different. This was a totally new experience for me and it felt so good!

Smiling, I walked over to Frank and stood next to him, joining him in his screaming at the fans. He gave me an irritated look. He didnt want me to be near him when I was drunk. I had just started to think about how I was gonna make him understand that I was sober, but the limelight came back, telling us that we had to start the show.

"How are ya'll doing tonight?" I screamed into the microphone, which was followed by a lot of screaming and cheering. "You wanna know something?"
Screaming. I took that as a yes.
"This will be our best show ever! Cause you see, for the first time ever, I'm sober and I hope you all will enjoy the show, this song's called... I'm not okay!"
The chords started strumming and I smirked when I heard Frank being totally off track with Rays rytm. I threw him a quick look and his mouth was slightly open, staring at me with his hands moving automaticly over his guitar.