My Miserable Romance

I bounced over to Frank, feeling like I was flying. He'd finally caught up with the rythm, but didnt stop looking at me. I grinned at him and put the microphone out for him to sing his `Trust me´, which he did. I was just about to walk up to the front of the stage again cause all I wanted was for him to sing his line, but I turned around when I felt someone kicking me on the leg. Frank gave me a apologizingly smile and I understood what he meant. Kicking me had been the only way to get my attention, seeing that his hands was busy.

He threw his head in the crowds direction and then showing me his tongue. I tilted my head, showing him that I didnt understand. He rolled his eyes then pushed me with his elbow towards the crowd. I obeyed and walked up to the front that I was about to before he stopped me and to my surprise, he followed me.
I sang the last `not okay´ in the song while watching Frank in the corner of my eye. It wasnt like him to be this calm on stage... And why was he standing still next to me for so long? He always use to jump around, acting like a tornado during the whole show.

The crowd cheered and screamed as the song ended and I turned to look at Frank. He was smiling like an idiot with his eyes fixed to my face.
"It looks like one of our guitarists is-" I started in the microphone but had to stop when Frank wrapped his arms around my neck, kissing me for the whole world to see. The kiss was over just as fast as it started. "... on drugs" I finished the sentence, totally blown away by his action. He laughed; I couldnt actually hear him laugh but I could see it. A deafeaning noise was filling the whole building, the crowd was really freaking out, probably enjoying the kiss just as much as I did.
"That's right, motherfuckers! He just kissed me... Be jealous!" I laughed in the microphone, not sure if I was gonna make the kiss look like a joke or not.

The rest of the show went great, I didnt mess up at all which I was extremley proud of. I felt really stupid though... The fear that I felt before the show was long gone and it made me embarrassed just to think about it. This wasnt bad at all, as a matter of fact this was the best day of my life. The last songs chord died out and was replaced by the fans' screaming. Mikey, Bob, Frank and Ray all ran off of stage, but I stayed just a few seconds longer, cause I just wanted to thank the crowd one last time.
I ran off the stage, spotted Frank putting down his guitar against the wall and immediatly flung myself around his neck.
"I did it, Frankie!" I yelled and hugged him closer. He stumbled a bit by my sudden approach and it didnt take long until we were both lying on the floor.
"Yeah you did!" he yelled back, pressing his lips against mine. I could hear Bob, Mikey and Ray laugh at our happiness but I didnt care. I gave him on last hug before I let go of him to make him get som air. He was smiling with his whole face, his eyes sparkling when I gazed into them.
"No, no" he said and pulled me down for another hug. "Dont let go"
"That rhymed" I heard Ray say before they sat down on some chairs to catch their breaths before we were gonna go out and start writing autographs and talk to the fans. The guys were all use to me and Frank acting a bit strange, so this was a common sight; us lying on the floor, hugging the lungs out of each other even though it had never happend before. I felt that Frank was panting for air so I eased my grip around him and looked at his face against. I noticed some tears in his eyes and I carefully ran my fingers over his cheek.
"What's wrong, Frankie?" I whispered, not wanting the others to hear.
"I'm just really happy, Gee... Thank you" he whispered back.
"For what?"
"For doing that for me. It means more than you'll ever know"
"You were definatly worth it... Even though I was about to blow my brains out of anxiety, you were worth it" I got up from the floor when I noticed that the guys were gone, probably leaving to start the signing. Frank stood up next to me, suddenly looking really embarrassed.
"What?" I asked when I saw his guilty face.
"Sorry for not believing you, but you've said it so many times-"
"I know, I know... It was wrong of me to think that you were gonna believe me" I said and giggled at his face, which was now happy and smiling again.
"Come on, let's join the guys" he said and led me out the door.
"The kiss... What did you mean by that? Was it a joke to get the crowd going?" I asked as we walked through the corridores, not exactly knowing which the way the exit was.
"God no!" he said in mocked shock. "I dont know what it meant, I was just happy that you finally decided to take our advice and sober up completely"
"M'kay, I was just wondering" I said. I didnt know what I wanted to know by my question. A kiss was always a kiss, serious or not. Thousands of people had seen us and I just prayed to god that they thought we were messing around. The last thing we needed right now was to be just another famous couple and the fact that we were a gay couple wouldnt make it any easier.

We walked out in the parking lot where the security guards had put up some fences to separate us from the fans. Frank grabbed my hand in his and even though it made me ridicoulosly nervous, it also made me feel like the happiest man on Earth. He wanted people to know that he was with me, which meant that he was proud to be my boyfriend and I cant do more than agree. I felt like grabbing a megaphone and just scream out my love for him but when I saw the photographers I knew that it would destroy everything. I quickly let go of his hand, hurrying over to the fans to start signing. I saw him do the same thing and to my relief, he didnt take my decision of letting go of his hand as a rejection, which it kinda was. I realized that if we hid our love to the world, that would tare us apart too. I'm confused... Show our love or hide it? It seemed like both ways would lead to us breaking up. I know it doesnt have to be that way, but I always thought the worst about stuff. It made it a lot easier when the bad parts happend; the disappointment couldnt get to you that way.
It was a really depressing point of view on life, but I had enough to live for, had enough joy of living that made it possible for me to think that way without killing myself...

I snapped out of my thoughts when I saw a girl, who's face I definatly had seen from somewhere, was talking to me. Or well, she actually screamed at me to make herself heard.
"What?" I asked and leaned closer to the fence but quickly jumped away when another girl tried to grab my package.
"Are you dating Frank Iero?" she screamed. I threw a quick glance at Frank, who was busy with talking to a 11-ish year old boy. I suddenly remembered where I'd seen the girl before that was asking me the question. It was the girl who had proposed to me on our last tour.... And I'd told her that I was gay.
"Yeah I am" I said and looked her in the eyes, trying to decide whether she was about to go crazy.
"That's great!" she screamed before she was pushed away by the other fans, who apparently was jealous that I was talking with her instead of signing their stuff.
"You're awesome, man!" another girl yelled before throwing something at me. I catched it and saw that it was a doll, looking just like me.
"Thank you!" I yelled but the girl was gone. I just hoped she'd heard me. I pulled my hoodie closer to my body as the cold night air was starting to make me shiver. I loved talking to the fans but all I wanted to do right now was to return to the tour bus with the guys.

"Are you cold?" Frank yelled from the other side where he was standing. We had to yell, otherwise the fans' scream would drown our voices.
"As fuck"
He started walking towards me, leaving the fans' screaming behind him. I laughed and met him halfway when I noticed that he was about to take off his jacket.
"Frankie, you dont-"
"Oh just shut up" he laughed and handed me his jacket. "I'm sweating"
"You sure?"
"Yeah" he said and helped me with getting on the jacket, which was probably just an excuse for him to be close to me. Hell, I'm not complaining...
I smiled and was just about to kiss his forehead when I felt a flashlight light up the dark night for a second. I looked to our left and saw a photographer, a professional one, not a fan, take a picture of us standing together. I immediatly turned away my head from the camera but the photographer had already got the picture he wanted and was now walking over to Mikey who was trying to get a blonde girl to stop screaming. Frank and I exchanged some worried looks before we broke apart and got back to our signing, him on the other side.

I concentrated on the fans but that annoying question was nagging my brain. What would happen if people found out? Would they take us seriously? Or would they just think that it was a publicity stunt? I spent an hour talking and signing, but then I noticed that Frank was shivering like crazy, his jaw shaking by the cold.
My gosh, I love him... I walked over to him, tapped him on the back an gave him his jacket. He laughed and put it on.
"Thank you" he yelled gratefully. "Are you still cold?"
"Yeah, but keep the jacket"
"Oh, I will... I'm about to freeze to death"
I laughed and when he had his back against me, thinking that I would go back to my side, I put my arms over his shoulders and started signing over here instead. He turned his head to look at me, but I just put my cheek against his head to make him understand that I was here to stay. This way we would both be warm. Good thing that I was taller than him, otherwise it would never had worked. We stood like that for at least half an hour, me with my arms over his shoulder, pressing my body against his to make us share body heat. The photographer came back but this time I didnt care. I love him and I wont hide it, even though the consequences might ravage what we have.

"Tourbus?" Ray yelled to us and I saw Mikey quickly starting to walk towards the bus.
"Are we done?" I yelled but not too loud, seeing that my mouth was close to his ear but he didnt listen. He turned his head to look at me and then pointed at a sign which some fans had brought. `Frankie loves Lisa - Mikey loves Annie - Bob loves Grace - Ray loves Nelly - Gerard loves ?´- the sign said and I laughed slightly. Mikey was the only one that was right. Grace and Nelly; Ray and Bob's girlfriends, hadnt been together in two years. I had no idea how they even knew Grace and Nellys name. Probably found some random facts on the internet... I waved at the kids to give me the sign and they happily shoved it over. I took a pen out of my pocket and crossed Nelly, Grace & Lisa. I handed it back to them, but Frank shooked his head and took back the sign. The kids that had brought the sign was so happy that we even paid attention to their sign, even writing on it so they didnt care.
Frank took the pen from me and I watched him cross the question mark after my name and writing an 'I' after. Then he wrote a 'W' after his name and I gave him a quick kiss on his hair. No one saw it cause I still had my arms around his neck, almost hiding my face so it was no big deal. The kids took the sign back and stared in amazement at us before they happily ran away, arguing about who 'I' & 'W' was.

"Are we done?" I yelled again and this time he heard me. He nodded and we said good bye to the kids before we ran to the bus.
"Just to make things clear... W & I is for Way and Iero, right?" I asked with a smile.
"No, it's for Will and Isabelle... What do you think?"
"Oooh, someone's got an attitude"
"I know!" he giggled and dragged me over to the couch, but stopped when he saw that it was already occupied by Ray, Bob and Mikey.
"Armchair" I said and he obeyed, sitting down in an armchair. Without waiting for him to tell me, I sat down in his lap.
"What makes you think that I'll let you sit on me?" he asked and raised his eyebrow at me.
"Cause I'm sober..." I said quietly, enjoying the feeling of remembering the show in detail. The smell, sight, sound, feeling. Everything. And the look on Franks face when I told the crowd I was sober. I swung my leps over the arm rest, resting my back slightly twisted against his chest with my head on his shoulder.
He nuzzled in his face into my neck and I giggled as his eyelashes tickled on my skin. Without a freakin' doubt... This is the best day ever.

"... And you were against them being together" Ray muttered.
"Well excuse me for not really getting the idea of why they wanted to be together!" Mikey exclaimed.
"You're kinda stupid sometimes, Mikes" Ray said with a laugh.
"Oh, but we all are, Fro-man"
"Not me" Bob said.
"No, not Bobby... Bobby's freaking perfect" Mikey stated, trying to hide his laughter.
"It's mister Bobby, Mikes"
"Sorry, Bobby. I forgot" Mikey laughed.
"Mikey?" Bob asked.
"Yes?"
"Fuck off"
"No, I'm too tired"
"Are we gonna let those two have the couch again?" Ray asked.
"Ray, you didnt let them have the couch... You and Bob fell asleep before them. I let them have the couch, not you" Mikey laughed, well aware that what he said didnt make sense, cause he laughed even harder. I sighed and pushed myself closer to Frank, making him gasp in my ear and I noticed my hand had pressed against his crotch. I giggled and inhaled his scent, feeling completely safe and happy when I was this close to him.
"Do that again and I'll fucking marry you" he sighed in my ear, probably meaning to put my hand where it was a few seconds ago.
"You think that's a good idea?"
"What? Marry you?"
"No, to start something that we cant finish" I giggled, cause I could hear the panic in his voice as he thought I was talking about marriage.
"Okay still, marry you?"
"No god damn it, this" I said and pressed my hand on his crotch, doing it a bit harder just cause he was being terribly stupid at the moment. He gasped again, this time louder than before, making the others turn to look at us.
"Oh god, will you stop pretend that you're asleep all the time?! We're trying to gossip a little..." Mikey muttered in mocked irritation. Frank stuck out his tongue at him.
"You guys should really get a life. I've heard you talk about me and Gerard two times now and it seriously starting to worry me" Frank laughed.
"If I stop talking about you, will you get a new boyfriend?" Mikey asked and to my relief, I heard that he was kidding.
"Hmm..." Frank said and gazed at me. "I'll get back to you on that"
"Fuck you, Frankie boy" I mumbled sleepily and yawned in his face.
"I just saw the inside of your throat... It wasnt that pretty"
"I've been singing and screaming for two hours, what the hell do you think it would look like?" I laughed and burried my face deeper into his shoulder. I felt his fingers play with my hair, occasionally touch the skin on my neck which sent tingles through my whole body.
"Where are we gonna sleep tonight?" he asked me.
"Here? Like this?"
"My legs are already about to fall off, baby..."
"Sorry" I mumbled and got up from his lap. I was so tired...
"I didnt mean it like that, Gee" he said and tried to pull me down in his lap again, but I shook my head.
"I know you didnt" I said, smiling. "But I need to sleep"
He nodded and I walked over to the mattress on the floor and laid down on it. It smelt of cigarettes and some other smell but I ignored it and closed my eyes.
"Mind if I join you?" I heard Mikey ask and I opened my eyes.
"Not at all" I said and moved over to give him som space.
"I'm really proud of you, Gee" he said and gave me a one-armed hug. "For sobering up"
"Thanks Mikey"
"Incest!" both Bob and Ray exclaimed, pointing at us before they both started laughing. I rolled my eyes and kissed Mikey on the cheek just to make them go all `Oooh´ on us.
"Ew, thanks for that, Gerard" Mikey laughed and wiped away the saliva from his cheek.
"You're very welcome" I smirked and laid down on the pillow again. I felt an uneasy feeling shoot through my body, like I was being watched and my head jerked up to see Frank staring at me.
I returned his stare and he laughed and blew me a kiss. I mouthed a `Good night´ to him and he did the same, but we stopped when we noticed that Ray and Bob was looking at us.
"How cute..." Bob said and looked at Ray.
"Oh yes" Ray agreed before they burst out in laughter.
"Shut the fuck up, guys" Mikey muttered from where he was lying next to me. "I'm tired"
"And we're bored" Ray said.
"It's 1am, why arent you tired?"
"I dont know..."
"Shit I miss the bunks" Mikey mumbled into his pillow. "Privacy for fuck's sake..."