My Miserable Romance
For you.
~Gerard's POV~
I tried to open my eyes, but there was something that restrained my eyelids. I coughed lightly, but stopped when my throat felt like dry sandpaper.
"He's awake!" someone shrieked and I felt a hand on my chest. "Gee? It's Mikey, are you okay?"
Of course I'm not okay... My whole fucking body's aching. My memory returned in a second and I trembled with my fingers up to my eyes to take away whatever it was that was covering my eyes. It was some wet stuff, but I just through it away and opened my eyes.
"Where's Frank?" I whispered and looked around. Ray, Bob and Mikey was standing bent over me with worried faces.
~Frank's POV~
"Everyone calm down and walk out through the entries!" I heard Gerard say and the crowd slowly started dropping out through the door. I jumped off the stage when I noticed that the usual exit that we used from the stage was blocked by the fire and saw Mikey follow me. I couldnt see Gerard and Bob, so I just waited for them down on the floor even though the security guys told me to get the hell out of here. Gerard appeared behind something, couldnt see what it was, probably a beam that had fallen down from the ceiling, and jumped over it and fell to the floor with Bob behind him. Mikey helped Gerard up and when I saw that they were all okay, I ran the fastest I could to get to the door. I heard Ray running right behind me, which I took as a sign that the rest of them was also on their way out.
When I got outside, I was just about to look around for the guys but all of sudden a pair of arms grabbed my shoulder and turned me around. Annoyed, I turn to look at the person and saw that it was three girls. They pointed at me and then at a car, and when I shook my head, they started dragging me towards it. I was still in shock, so I didnt fight back until I realized that they were about to drive away with me.
"Mikey!" I yelled, cause it was three against one. Not fair... Mikey didnt hear me, he was busy with talking to Gerard, so I tried to scream again but stopped when I saw Gerard running back into the building. "What the..."
The girls had seen Gerard disappear too and they finally let go of me and I realized that they'd just been messing around with me. They gave me some apologizingly smiles but I just waved them off and ran up to Mikey.
"What the hell is up with Gee?!" I asked and Mikey turned around with a worried face.
"Frankie!" he screamed and embraced me. "Where have you been?"
"I was- It doesnt matter, why did Gerard ran back inside?"
"He was looking for you! He thinks that you're in there"
I turned to the door and was just about to run inside when a security guard pushed me away from the door.
"Stay away, it's too dangerous to go back inside" he said harshly.
"But-"
"No buts, stay away!"
I tried to look into the door over the guards shoulder, but he noticed it and thought that I was trying to go inside, so he violently pushed me away, sending me to the ground. I muttered some inappropriate words to him before I returned to Mikey, who was talking to a fire man.
"... He's got black hair, black clothes and he's in his early twenties, please, you have to look for him!" Mikey pleaded to the fire man, who nodded and ran inside, without the guard stopping him. I saw black, thick smoke seeping out through the huge doors and I felt so helpless. I didnt care if I'd die, I wanted to look for Gerard! I started walking towards the door again, but Mikey grabbed my arm and pulled me into a tight hug.
"You can't help him now, let the fire men do their job" he said and smiled weakly. I nodded and sat down on the ground to wait for Gerard to come back. Five minutes passed and I could see that Mikey was trying really hard not to cry, or even show his feelings. Ray and Bob ran up to us and they both looked at us with confused faces.
"Where's Gerard?" Ray asked and looked around without finding what he was searching for.
"Inside" Mikey croaked and it was clearly that he was about to cry any seond. "He ran back"
"WHAT?! Why?"
A feeling of guilt exploded inside of me when I remembered that he ran back to find me. If he died, it would be my fault for not pushing the girls away from me, for not showing him that I was okay.
"It was my fault" I said with tears running down my cheeks. "He ran back in because of me"
"Still... Why?" Ray asked, sounding very confused.
"He thinks that Frankie's still in there, cause we couldnt find him" Mikey explained and bounced up from the ground as the fire man that Mikey had talked to came running out from the building, black in the face from the soot.
"Did you see him?!" Mikey screamed and almost attacked the poor fire man.
"I think I heard him but I'm not sure... I had to get my flashlight but I seriously doubt that your friend is still alive. The smoke that's in there is deadly, it suffocates you within seconds unless you're on the floor" the fire man reeled off and then quickly ran away to get his flashlight.
"This can't be happening..." Bob mumbled and rubbed his temples. "This cant be fucking happening!"
"Don't worry, I'm sure he's fine. Gee knows what to do in hard situations" Ray said, trying hard to be the calm one even though we all could hear that he didnt believe what he said.
"This isnt a hard situation, this is a deadly situation!" I cried. "Gee doesnt have a fucking clue about what do to cause if he knew that, he wouldnt have run back in there in the first place!"
I knew I was totally ruining the calm that Ray had tried to build up but I didnt care. I wanted to prepare myself, cause maybe, just maybe then his death wouldnt be just as devastating. It was pure imagination, but it still felt like the right thing to think.
We waited for two more minutes until I couldnt take it anymore. I started to make a plan in my head on how to get in there without that guard stopping me but was interrupted by a loud scream from Mikey. My head jerked up and I saw the fire man carrying an all too familiar body in his arms.
"Gerard!" I cried and ran up to him. His eyes were closed, his skin was black but there were streaks of pale skin that was even paler than what he use to be, almost white. I looked up at the fire man. "Is he... Is he..."
"Dead? No, he's breathing" the fire man said and smiled at me. "But he's unconcsious"
"Do we need to take him to the hospital?" Bob asked but the fire man shook his head.
"He's in shock, he needs to be somewhere familiar with people that he feels comfortable with, okay?"
"But what if something will happen to him? What if he'll stop breathing?"
"Then you just have to call for an ambulance. If we take him to the hospital his state might get even worse and we cant risk that. Look, I really have to go and see if there's anyone else in there"
Ray and I supported Gerard's lifeless body, with one of his arms each around our necks and we slowly started walking to the hotel. The security guards had managed to set up some fences, which was incredibly necessary at this point cause when the fans saw how Gerard looked like, they started to freak out, thinking that he was dead. I have to say that I understand them, I wasnt sure he was alive. The fire man said that he was breathing but even though I had his mouth in my ear, I couldnt hear or feel his breathing. Mikey and Bob helped us as much as they could by opening the hotel doors for us and stuff.
After ten long minutes we finally laid Gerard down on our bed in our hotel room. It had been quite a struggle to walk up the stairs; none of us wanted to take the elevator in fear of Gerard waking up in one, seeing that he had claustrophobia it just didnt seem like a good idea. Mikey grabbed a towel from the bathroom and started to take away the soot from Gerards face, but stopped when Gerard flinched away in pain. I started crying again. I hate to see him this way, so vulnerable and hurt. Like he was too weak to survive. We all sat around on the bed for at least three hours, occasionally said something to each other and just waited for Gerard to wake up. We didnt want to wake him up, it was better if he took his time, plus, we were scared that we would just shock him if he woke up and being on a totally different place than he was before. Kinda like you dont wanna wake someone up that is sleep-walking, afraid the person will get amnesia or whatever.
The clock on the wall informed us that it was 3am, but it wasnt like we were gonna sleep anyway. I dont think we could've... I couldnt, shouldnt or wouldnt. I needed to be here when he woke up, I wanted him to see that we were all okay. I sighed for what must've been the sixth time in two minutes and watched his sleeping face. He looked worried, like he was having a bad dream and all I wanted to do was to take his hand in mine, to let my hand stroke his cheek, to hold him in my arms but I didnt wanna wake him up, so I concentrated on making him wake up by thinking it over and over again, like he could read my mind but of course it didnt work.
My eyelids started to feel a bit heavy and I could tell by the look in the guys' faces that they were beginning to be tired too, which scared the shit outta me. If Gerard stopped breathing in his sleep we wouldnt be able to save him if we were all asleep.
"You guys want coffee?" I asked and they all nodded gratefully. "I'll be right back"
I touched Gerards hand with mine before I went, just to make him understand that I'd been here, and to my relief, he didnt wake up. Actually, he didnt react what so ever, but I pushed away my worrying feelings and walked out the door.
The hotel corridor was silent, which wasnt such a surprise, seeing that it was in the middle of the night. I ran down the stairs, cause 1) I wasnt allowed to be in here so I didnt want the guards to see me and 2) I wanted to get back to Gerard as soon as possible. The street outside was just as silent as the hotel corridor had been and I looked around to see if there was any store that was open at three o'clock, but no such luck. I walked a few streets just to make sure there was no coffee to get, but when I saw a ambulance it made me realize that I'd been away from the guys way too long. I heaved a sigh when I saw that the ambulance wasnt driving in my direction, but just the thought that it could've been made me ran back to the hotel.
I opened the hotel door but immediatly stopped when I heard a weak voice.
"Where's Frank?"
It was definately Gerard. My heart swelled in happiness as I heard his voice and I quickly locked the door behind me.
"He's fine, Gee. Don't-"
"I wanna see him, I need to..." he was interrupted by his own violent coughing. I didnt know why I wasnt walking up to him, but there was something that scared me. Now when he was awake, it almost made me cry that he could've died because of me and I felt so guilty. I dont know why, but apparently I didnt need to have a reason for my brain to feel like that.
"I couldnt find him anywhere, he wasnt in there and then the smoke came..." Gerard croaked. "I thought I was gonna die. I could feel the fire on my skin and I started to panic..."
I leaned my back against the wall and silently started crying. What kind of a boyfriend am I? I almost killed him for crying out loud and all he can think about is that he couldnt find me... I realized what an asshole I was for standing and listening to him without showing myself when he obviously wanted to see me. I left my spot at the door and walked up to the bed. No one was paying any attention to me, they were all looking at Gerard with concerned faces so it took a few seconds for them to registrate my arrival.
"Frankie!" Gerard exclaimed which was followed by rough coughings again. He waved for me to come over to him and I nervously wrapped my arms around his neck, still having the guitly feeling making me doubt that I was worthy him.
"I'm so sorry" I sobbed in his ear, uncomfortably bending down to be as close as possible to him without lying down on the bed.
"Don't be... I freaked out when I didnt see you out there. I thought you were-"
"But I wasnt" I interrupted, not wanting him to say that he thought I was dead, that would've just made my guilt grow.
"Frankie, give him some space... The poor man need all the oxygen he can get" Ray said with a small laugh and I pulled away from Gerard.
"Sorry"
"Stop apologizing"
"So- I mean, okay"
"Are you tired?" Mikey asked his brother and he nodded. "You want us to leave?"
"Yes, but I really appreciate what you guys did for me, you have no idea how much it means" Gerard croaked with a weak smile and we all started walking towards the door. "I have one question, though"
"Yeah?" Mikey said.
"Can someone stop Frankie from leaving me all alone?" he laughed and I happily jumped back to the side of the bed.
"Sorr- I mean... I thought you wanted me to leave too" I said, not knowing if I was allowed to say 'sorry' again or not. The guys left, closing the door carefully behind them.
"Never" Gerard smiled but it quickly was replaced by a face full of pain when he tried to move in the bed to make me get some space next to him.
"Don't worry, I'll sleep on the couch" I said, but I sure as hell wasnt gonna sleep. He could still stop breathing and I wasnt gonna let that happen.
"Nonsense" he groaned and pushed himself a bit to the left and he got tears in his eyes by the pain.
"Gee, please dont move" I begged, knowing that I was the one that had caused him the pain. He noticed the desperation in my voice and stopped moving around to look at me.
"Okay, okay, you dont have to start crying, baby... It doesnt hurt that much, I'm fine"
"You're not fine, you could've died!" I exclaimed and for at least the third time in just a couple of hours, my tears started rolling down my cheeks. "I'm so sorry, Gerard-"
"You have nothing to be sorry about! I shouldn't have ran back inside"
"But I should've waited for you and the guys instead of running out, that way those girls wouldnt have dragged me away from you" I said, now crying like never before. He got a shocked look upon his face, probably wondering why the hell I was freaking out, but it disappeared and was replaced by concern as he pulled me down on the bed next to him.
"It wasnt your fault. Dont even think that it was, you understand? It was my fault, my action that made me end up like this" he said sternly and gave me a quick peck on the cheek to take away some of his harsh appearance.
"But-"
"It was my fault"
"But Ge-"
"Still my fault"
"Fine" I muttered and he laughed at my weak stubborness. We were both silent for a few minutes, which I needed more than anything right now. My thoughts were swirling and still, there was one memory that kept showing up more often than the others.
"Gee?" I asked and he opened his eyes to look at me. "You havent lost it"
He gave me a confused look.
"Uh... what?"
"Your ability to scare people. Remember what we talked about earlier today?"
He laughed and pulled me closed to him, but whinced as I came to close to his shoulder, which he apparently had hurt during the fire. I moved away from him, but he put a hand on my arm and pulled me back.
"I know that you dont wanna hurt me and I know that you're uncomfortable with being near me when I'm in pain, but I'm begging you; please, stay in bed with me"
"But everything I do seems to hurt you"
Shit, did I say that out loud? Fuck, fuck, fuck, I didnt mean to say that.
"Is that what you think? That you're hurting me?" he asked, staring holes in my eyes.
"I am" I said. It was no use in trying to cover it up, that was how I felt when I was with him and it was slowly killing me inside.
"No you're not" he said. "I wont give you a whole speach about how important you are to me. I almost died for you, that's how much I love you and I can promise you that my wounds would hurt a lot more if you werent here" he said and I wanted to kiss him to death for not saying `I almost died because of you´, cause that would've just made it all worse. But he said; for you. Not; because of you... And there's a big difference between the two choice of words.
He saw my smiling face and sighed in relief that I wasnt sad anymore.
I tried to open my eyes, but there was something that restrained my eyelids. I coughed lightly, but stopped when my throat felt like dry sandpaper.
"He's awake!" someone shrieked and I felt a hand on my chest. "Gee? It's Mikey, are you okay?"
Of course I'm not okay... My whole fucking body's aching. My memory returned in a second and I trembled with my fingers up to my eyes to take away whatever it was that was covering my eyes. It was some wet stuff, but I just through it away and opened my eyes.
"Where's Frank?" I whispered and looked around. Ray, Bob and Mikey was standing bent over me with worried faces.
~Frank's POV~
"Everyone calm down and walk out through the entries!" I heard Gerard say and the crowd slowly started dropping out through the door. I jumped off the stage when I noticed that the usual exit that we used from the stage was blocked by the fire and saw Mikey follow me. I couldnt see Gerard and Bob, so I just waited for them down on the floor even though the security guys told me to get the hell out of here. Gerard appeared behind something, couldnt see what it was, probably a beam that had fallen down from the ceiling, and jumped over it and fell to the floor with Bob behind him. Mikey helped Gerard up and when I saw that they were all okay, I ran the fastest I could to get to the door. I heard Ray running right behind me, which I took as a sign that the rest of them was also on their way out.
When I got outside, I was just about to look around for the guys but all of sudden a pair of arms grabbed my shoulder and turned me around. Annoyed, I turn to look at the person and saw that it was three girls. They pointed at me and then at a car, and when I shook my head, they started dragging me towards it. I was still in shock, so I didnt fight back until I realized that they were about to drive away with me.
"Mikey!" I yelled, cause it was three against one. Not fair... Mikey didnt hear me, he was busy with talking to Gerard, so I tried to scream again but stopped when I saw Gerard running back into the building. "What the..."
The girls had seen Gerard disappear too and they finally let go of me and I realized that they'd just been messing around with me. They gave me some apologizingly smiles but I just waved them off and ran up to Mikey.
"What the hell is up with Gee?!" I asked and Mikey turned around with a worried face.
"Frankie!" he screamed and embraced me. "Where have you been?"
"I was- It doesnt matter, why did Gerard ran back inside?"
"He was looking for you! He thinks that you're in there"
I turned to the door and was just about to run inside when a security guard pushed me away from the door.
"Stay away, it's too dangerous to go back inside" he said harshly.
"But-"
"No buts, stay away!"
I tried to look into the door over the guards shoulder, but he noticed it and thought that I was trying to go inside, so he violently pushed me away, sending me to the ground. I muttered some inappropriate words to him before I returned to Mikey, who was talking to a fire man.
"... He's got black hair, black clothes and he's in his early twenties, please, you have to look for him!" Mikey pleaded to the fire man, who nodded and ran inside, without the guard stopping him. I saw black, thick smoke seeping out through the huge doors and I felt so helpless. I didnt care if I'd die, I wanted to look for Gerard! I started walking towards the door again, but Mikey grabbed my arm and pulled me into a tight hug.
"You can't help him now, let the fire men do their job" he said and smiled weakly. I nodded and sat down on the ground to wait for Gerard to come back. Five minutes passed and I could see that Mikey was trying really hard not to cry, or even show his feelings. Ray and Bob ran up to us and they both looked at us with confused faces.
"Where's Gerard?" Ray asked and looked around without finding what he was searching for.
"Inside" Mikey croaked and it was clearly that he was about to cry any seond. "He ran back"
"WHAT?! Why?"
A feeling of guilt exploded inside of me when I remembered that he ran back to find me. If he died, it would be my fault for not pushing the girls away from me, for not showing him that I was okay.
"It was my fault" I said with tears running down my cheeks. "He ran back in because of me"
"Still... Why?" Ray asked, sounding very confused.
"He thinks that Frankie's still in there, cause we couldnt find him" Mikey explained and bounced up from the ground as the fire man that Mikey had talked to came running out from the building, black in the face from the soot.
"Did you see him?!" Mikey screamed and almost attacked the poor fire man.
"I think I heard him but I'm not sure... I had to get my flashlight but I seriously doubt that your friend is still alive. The smoke that's in there is deadly, it suffocates you within seconds unless you're on the floor" the fire man reeled off and then quickly ran away to get his flashlight.
"This can't be happening..." Bob mumbled and rubbed his temples. "This cant be fucking happening!"
"Don't worry, I'm sure he's fine. Gee knows what to do in hard situations" Ray said, trying hard to be the calm one even though we all could hear that he didnt believe what he said.
"This isnt a hard situation, this is a deadly situation!" I cried. "Gee doesnt have a fucking clue about what do to cause if he knew that, he wouldnt have run back in there in the first place!"
I knew I was totally ruining the calm that Ray had tried to build up but I didnt care. I wanted to prepare myself, cause maybe, just maybe then his death wouldnt be just as devastating. It was pure imagination, but it still felt like the right thing to think.
We waited for two more minutes until I couldnt take it anymore. I started to make a plan in my head on how to get in there without that guard stopping me but was interrupted by a loud scream from Mikey. My head jerked up and I saw the fire man carrying an all too familiar body in his arms.
"Gerard!" I cried and ran up to him. His eyes were closed, his skin was black but there were streaks of pale skin that was even paler than what he use to be, almost white. I looked up at the fire man. "Is he... Is he..."
"Dead? No, he's breathing" the fire man said and smiled at me. "But he's unconcsious"
"Do we need to take him to the hospital?" Bob asked but the fire man shook his head.
"He's in shock, he needs to be somewhere familiar with people that he feels comfortable with, okay?"
"But what if something will happen to him? What if he'll stop breathing?"
"Then you just have to call for an ambulance. If we take him to the hospital his state might get even worse and we cant risk that. Look, I really have to go and see if there's anyone else in there"
Ray and I supported Gerard's lifeless body, with one of his arms each around our necks and we slowly started walking to the hotel. The security guards had managed to set up some fences, which was incredibly necessary at this point cause when the fans saw how Gerard looked like, they started to freak out, thinking that he was dead. I have to say that I understand them, I wasnt sure he was alive. The fire man said that he was breathing but even though I had his mouth in my ear, I couldnt hear or feel his breathing. Mikey and Bob helped us as much as they could by opening the hotel doors for us and stuff.
After ten long minutes we finally laid Gerard down on our bed in our hotel room. It had been quite a struggle to walk up the stairs; none of us wanted to take the elevator in fear of Gerard waking up in one, seeing that he had claustrophobia it just didnt seem like a good idea. Mikey grabbed a towel from the bathroom and started to take away the soot from Gerards face, but stopped when Gerard flinched away in pain. I started crying again. I hate to see him this way, so vulnerable and hurt. Like he was too weak to survive. We all sat around on the bed for at least three hours, occasionally said something to each other and just waited for Gerard to wake up. We didnt want to wake him up, it was better if he took his time, plus, we were scared that we would just shock him if he woke up and being on a totally different place than he was before. Kinda like you dont wanna wake someone up that is sleep-walking, afraid the person will get amnesia or whatever.
The clock on the wall informed us that it was 3am, but it wasnt like we were gonna sleep anyway. I dont think we could've... I couldnt, shouldnt or wouldnt. I needed to be here when he woke up, I wanted him to see that we were all okay. I sighed for what must've been the sixth time in two minutes and watched his sleeping face. He looked worried, like he was having a bad dream and all I wanted to do was to take his hand in mine, to let my hand stroke his cheek, to hold him in my arms but I didnt wanna wake him up, so I concentrated on making him wake up by thinking it over and over again, like he could read my mind but of course it didnt work.
My eyelids started to feel a bit heavy and I could tell by the look in the guys' faces that they were beginning to be tired too, which scared the shit outta me. If Gerard stopped breathing in his sleep we wouldnt be able to save him if we were all asleep.
"You guys want coffee?" I asked and they all nodded gratefully. "I'll be right back"
I touched Gerards hand with mine before I went, just to make him understand that I'd been here, and to my relief, he didnt wake up. Actually, he didnt react what so ever, but I pushed away my worrying feelings and walked out the door.
The hotel corridor was silent, which wasnt such a surprise, seeing that it was in the middle of the night. I ran down the stairs, cause 1) I wasnt allowed to be in here so I didnt want the guards to see me and 2) I wanted to get back to Gerard as soon as possible. The street outside was just as silent as the hotel corridor had been and I looked around to see if there was any store that was open at three o'clock, but no such luck. I walked a few streets just to make sure there was no coffee to get, but when I saw a ambulance it made me realize that I'd been away from the guys way too long. I heaved a sigh when I saw that the ambulance wasnt driving in my direction, but just the thought that it could've been made me ran back to the hotel.
I opened the hotel door but immediatly stopped when I heard a weak voice.
"Where's Frank?"
It was definately Gerard. My heart swelled in happiness as I heard his voice and I quickly locked the door behind me.
"He's fine, Gee. Don't-"
"I wanna see him, I need to..." he was interrupted by his own violent coughing. I didnt know why I wasnt walking up to him, but there was something that scared me. Now when he was awake, it almost made me cry that he could've died because of me and I felt so guilty. I dont know why, but apparently I didnt need to have a reason for my brain to feel like that.
"I couldnt find him anywhere, he wasnt in there and then the smoke came..." Gerard croaked. "I thought I was gonna die. I could feel the fire on my skin and I started to panic..."
I leaned my back against the wall and silently started crying. What kind of a boyfriend am I? I almost killed him for crying out loud and all he can think about is that he couldnt find me... I realized what an asshole I was for standing and listening to him without showing myself when he obviously wanted to see me. I left my spot at the door and walked up to the bed. No one was paying any attention to me, they were all looking at Gerard with concerned faces so it took a few seconds for them to registrate my arrival.
"Frankie!" Gerard exclaimed which was followed by rough coughings again. He waved for me to come over to him and I nervously wrapped my arms around his neck, still having the guitly feeling making me doubt that I was worthy him.
"I'm so sorry" I sobbed in his ear, uncomfortably bending down to be as close as possible to him without lying down on the bed.
"Don't be... I freaked out when I didnt see you out there. I thought you were-"
"But I wasnt" I interrupted, not wanting him to say that he thought I was dead, that would've just made my guilt grow.
"Frankie, give him some space... The poor man need all the oxygen he can get" Ray said with a small laugh and I pulled away from Gerard.
"Sorry"
"Stop apologizing"
"So- I mean, okay"
"Are you tired?" Mikey asked his brother and he nodded. "You want us to leave?"
"Yes, but I really appreciate what you guys did for me, you have no idea how much it means" Gerard croaked with a weak smile and we all started walking towards the door. "I have one question, though"
"Yeah?" Mikey said.
"Can someone stop Frankie from leaving me all alone?" he laughed and I happily jumped back to the side of the bed.
"Sorr- I mean... I thought you wanted me to leave too" I said, not knowing if I was allowed to say 'sorry' again or not. The guys left, closing the door carefully behind them.
"Never" Gerard smiled but it quickly was replaced by a face full of pain when he tried to move in the bed to make me get some space next to him.
"Don't worry, I'll sleep on the couch" I said, but I sure as hell wasnt gonna sleep. He could still stop breathing and I wasnt gonna let that happen.
"Nonsense" he groaned and pushed himself a bit to the left and he got tears in his eyes by the pain.
"Gee, please dont move" I begged, knowing that I was the one that had caused him the pain. He noticed the desperation in my voice and stopped moving around to look at me.
"Okay, okay, you dont have to start crying, baby... It doesnt hurt that much, I'm fine"
"You're not fine, you could've died!" I exclaimed and for at least the third time in just a couple of hours, my tears started rolling down my cheeks. "I'm so sorry, Gerard-"
"You have nothing to be sorry about! I shouldn't have ran back inside"
"But I should've waited for you and the guys instead of running out, that way those girls wouldnt have dragged me away from you" I said, now crying like never before. He got a shocked look upon his face, probably wondering why the hell I was freaking out, but it disappeared and was replaced by concern as he pulled me down on the bed next to him.
"It wasnt your fault. Dont even think that it was, you understand? It was my fault, my action that made me end up like this" he said sternly and gave me a quick peck on the cheek to take away some of his harsh appearance.
"But-"
"It was my fault"
"But Ge-"
"Still my fault"
"Fine" I muttered and he laughed at my weak stubborness. We were both silent for a few minutes, which I needed more than anything right now. My thoughts were swirling and still, there was one memory that kept showing up more often than the others.
"Gee?" I asked and he opened his eyes to look at me. "You havent lost it"
He gave me a confused look.
"Uh... what?"
"Your ability to scare people. Remember what we talked about earlier today?"
He laughed and pulled me closed to him, but whinced as I came to close to his shoulder, which he apparently had hurt during the fire. I moved away from him, but he put a hand on my arm and pulled me back.
"I know that you dont wanna hurt me and I know that you're uncomfortable with being near me when I'm in pain, but I'm begging you; please, stay in bed with me"
"But everything I do seems to hurt you"
Shit, did I say that out loud? Fuck, fuck, fuck, I didnt mean to say that.
"Is that what you think? That you're hurting me?" he asked, staring holes in my eyes.
"I am" I said. It was no use in trying to cover it up, that was how I felt when I was with him and it was slowly killing me inside.
"No you're not" he said. "I wont give you a whole speach about how important you are to me. I almost died for you, that's how much I love you and I can promise you that my wounds would hurt a lot more if you werent here" he said and I wanted to kiss him to death for not saying `I almost died because of you´, cause that would've just made it all worse. But he said; for you. Not; because of you... And there's a big difference between the two choice of words.
He saw my smiling face and sighed in relief that I wasnt sad anymore.