My Miserable Romance
Destroy me.
~Still Frank's POV~
Gerard didnt talk to me at all when I stepped out of the bathroom. If I didnt knew better, I would've thought that he couldnt see me, that's how much he ignored me. It wasnt until he noticed that I was making myself ready for something and when I was about to walk out the door, I heard his voice say something.
"What?" I asked and closed the door to go and see what he wanted. He was lying in the bed with a pillow in his arms, looking at me with empty eyes.
"I asked; where are you going?"
"Uh... Out. We're all, well not all, but everyone except for you, I mean... " I stuttered nervously. His brown eyes were like glued to my own and I felt really awkward, cause I knew he was mad at me. "I'm going out with the guys"
He nodded and broke eye-contact with me to return to his endless stareing at the wall.
"Do you want me to stay here with you?"
"If I said no, would you take that as an insult?"
"Do you want me to take it as an insult?"
"Okay, okay stop with the fucking word-games" he mumbled whilst digging his face into the pillow. "I wanna be alone. You can go if you want"
"Arent you hungry?" I asked suddenly remembering that he didnt have anything for breakfast. "I can buy something for you-"
"I cant eat, but thanks" he said with a voice filled with, well, nothing. No feelings, just empty. I cant leave him when he's in this state, there's obviously something wrong.
"Is this really about the elevator-thingy?"
"I- I dont know. You wouldnt understand anyway, so just go. I'm sure they're waiting for you"
"And I'm sure they can wait a few more minutes" I said and sat down on the bed with him but he kept his eyes at the wall. "You sure there's nothing you need?"
He shook his head and I gave him a rigid hug before walked over to the door.
"Bye" I said and he waved tiredly before closing his eyes. "I'm serious, do you want me to stay?"
"No" he stated. "I need to be alone"
"Okay then... I love you" I said and quickly closed the door to avoid to just get a silent from him as I said those words. I pulled myself together and walked down to the others, who was waiting for me in two different cars.
"Arent we gonna walk?" I asked Mikey, who was waiting with the car door open for me to get in.
He thought about it for a second, and probably realizing that it was a lot easier to move around without a car. It was Brian's car anyway, and I knew he didnt like when we borrowed it, even though we all had keys for it.
"Guys, we're walking!" Mikey exclaimed and jumped out of the car, followed by Bob and Ray, who looked pretty confused.
"Alright..." Bob said and went to tell the Green Day guys about the changed plans. I felt someone tapping me on the shoulder and for a split second, I thought it was Gerard, so I quickly turned around. It wasnt Gerard... It was our bus driver.
"Hi" I said and smiled at him.
"I need to talk to the black haired man" he said, ignoring my greeting and looked around like he was searching for something.
"Uh... The fro, the long haired or the short haired one?" I asked, referring to Ray, Gerard and Mikey.
"Long haired" he grunted and I shook my head.
"Sorry, he's not here"
"Where is he then?"
"Well, he's not feeling so good after the accident yesterday" I said, feeling a bit confused about the fact that the driver was so eager to talk to Gerard.
"Shit..." he muttered and then looked at me. "Can you give him a message from me?"
"Yeah, sure"
"Uhm, tell him that I'm sorry about what I said and that I wont... I wont do anything" he said and noticed my confused face. "Just tell him, he'll understand"
"Okay?" I said and saw the driver disappear around a corner.
~Gerard's POV~
Ow... I whimpered out loud for what must've been for the hundred time this last hour. My muscles were cramping, blood boiling and my skin itching. I'd already taken too many pain killers but they didnt help me what so ever. Maybe cause I couldnt stop thinking about how much I suffered inside of this. I hate to be this vulnerable, to need help all the time. It's one of my worst fears - to be completely helpless and Frank wasnt making it any better by telling me what to do and acting like my fucking mother everytime I did something wrong.
I decided to take just one more pill, but it ended up with having three. I sighed and threw the box of pills away from me just so I wouldnt take too much. I dont wanna be stuck in yet another addiction, so it was better to stop and take the shit right now instead of having it crashing down on me in a few months.
The images of being suffocated in the elevator came back in my head again and I quickly started thinking about Frank, just to push away the anxiety. It didnt help, cause I was so pissed at him right now. Not just for the elevator scene, but for everything. For treating me as a child, for making me feel guilty when I didnt talk to him, yeah for everything. I started to cough and felt my vocal cord getting ripped and scratched as blood came up in my mouth and out on the white sheets on the bed. Wow, the cleaning lady would get quite a shock when she saw this.
Two hours passed and the guys still hadnt came back. It was 4pm and I started to slip in and out of sleep. After yet another hour I decided to call Mikey. I reached out and took my cell phone from the bed side table and dialed the number.
"Hello?"
"Hi, Mikes. It's Gee... Where are you?"
"I can barrely hear you, Gee, you're voice doesnt sound too good. Anyway, we're at some weird store with a lot of transvestites.... Don't ask, it was Tré who dragged us in here"
"Oh, well, when are you coming home?"
"Wait" he said and went silent. "No, it's Gee" he said to someone and then returned to me. "I dont know, maybe in a few hours"
"Okay. I'll see you guys later"
"Yeah, bye Gee!" he said and hung up. The silence in the room was pressing against my ears and the pain in my body came shooting back as I no longer had anything else to think about. Mikey had managed to distract my own depressing feelings for at least a few seconds, but now they seemed to be even worse. I thought about calling Frank, but that was a phone call that I really didnt wanna experience. The awkwardness would destroy me completely.
I fell into a trace-ish sleep but woke up when my head was hurting like a bitch. I opened my eyes and was just about to go and get the pain killers again when I realized that they wouldnt help me. I need something stronger that. Something much stronger that can make me forget. That always makes me forget the pain I'm in, that I can always trust...
I carefully swung my legs out of bed with every muscle in my body screaming in protest but I ignored it. It would get better as soon as I got what I needed. I didnt leave a note for Frank cause I would probably be home before him so I just grabbed the car keys to Brians car, hoping that the guys didnt take it, found them and left the room.
Gerard didnt talk to me at all when I stepped out of the bathroom. If I didnt knew better, I would've thought that he couldnt see me, that's how much he ignored me. It wasnt until he noticed that I was making myself ready for something and when I was about to walk out the door, I heard his voice say something.
"What?" I asked and closed the door to go and see what he wanted. He was lying in the bed with a pillow in his arms, looking at me with empty eyes.
"I asked; where are you going?"
"Uh... Out. We're all, well not all, but everyone except for you, I mean... " I stuttered nervously. His brown eyes were like glued to my own and I felt really awkward, cause I knew he was mad at me. "I'm going out with the guys"
He nodded and broke eye-contact with me to return to his endless stareing at the wall.
"Do you want me to stay here with you?"
"If I said no, would you take that as an insult?"
"Do you want me to take it as an insult?"
"Okay, okay stop with the fucking word-games" he mumbled whilst digging his face into the pillow. "I wanna be alone. You can go if you want"
"Arent you hungry?" I asked suddenly remembering that he didnt have anything for breakfast. "I can buy something for you-"
"I cant eat, but thanks" he said with a voice filled with, well, nothing. No feelings, just empty. I cant leave him when he's in this state, there's obviously something wrong.
"Is this really about the elevator-thingy?"
"I- I dont know. You wouldnt understand anyway, so just go. I'm sure they're waiting for you"
"And I'm sure they can wait a few more minutes" I said and sat down on the bed with him but he kept his eyes at the wall. "You sure there's nothing you need?"
He shook his head and I gave him a rigid hug before walked over to the door.
"Bye" I said and he waved tiredly before closing his eyes. "I'm serious, do you want me to stay?"
"No" he stated. "I need to be alone"
"Okay then... I love you" I said and quickly closed the door to avoid to just get a silent from him as I said those words. I pulled myself together and walked down to the others, who was waiting for me in two different cars.
"Arent we gonna walk?" I asked Mikey, who was waiting with the car door open for me to get in.
He thought about it for a second, and probably realizing that it was a lot easier to move around without a car. It was Brian's car anyway, and I knew he didnt like when we borrowed it, even though we all had keys for it.
"Guys, we're walking!" Mikey exclaimed and jumped out of the car, followed by Bob and Ray, who looked pretty confused.
"Alright..." Bob said and went to tell the Green Day guys about the changed plans. I felt someone tapping me on the shoulder and for a split second, I thought it was Gerard, so I quickly turned around. It wasnt Gerard... It was our bus driver.
"Hi" I said and smiled at him.
"I need to talk to the black haired man" he said, ignoring my greeting and looked around like he was searching for something.
"Uh... The fro, the long haired or the short haired one?" I asked, referring to Ray, Gerard and Mikey.
"Long haired" he grunted and I shook my head.
"Sorry, he's not here"
"Where is he then?"
"Well, he's not feeling so good after the accident yesterday" I said, feeling a bit confused about the fact that the driver was so eager to talk to Gerard.
"Shit..." he muttered and then looked at me. "Can you give him a message from me?"
"Yeah, sure"
"Uhm, tell him that I'm sorry about what I said and that I wont... I wont do anything" he said and noticed my confused face. "Just tell him, he'll understand"
"Okay?" I said and saw the driver disappear around a corner.
~Gerard's POV~
Ow... I whimpered out loud for what must've been for the hundred time this last hour. My muscles were cramping, blood boiling and my skin itching. I'd already taken too many pain killers but they didnt help me what so ever. Maybe cause I couldnt stop thinking about how much I suffered inside of this. I hate to be this vulnerable, to need help all the time. It's one of my worst fears - to be completely helpless and Frank wasnt making it any better by telling me what to do and acting like my fucking mother everytime I did something wrong.
I decided to take just one more pill, but it ended up with having three. I sighed and threw the box of pills away from me just so I wouldnt take too much. I dont wanna be stuck in yet another addiction, so it was better to stop and take the shit right now instead of having it crashing down on me in a few months.
The images of being suffocated in the elevator came back in my head again and I quickly started thinking about Frank, just to push away the anxiety. It didnt help, cause I was so pissed at him right now. Not just for the elevator scene, but for everything. For treating me as a child, for making me feel guilty when I didnt talk to him, yeah for everything. I started to cough and felt my vocal cord getting ripped and scratched as blood came up in my mouth and out on the white sheets on the bed. Wow, the cleaning lady would get quite a shock when she saw this.
Two hours passed and the guys still hadnt came back. It was 4pm and I started to slip in and out of sleep. After yet another hour I decided to call Mikey. I reached out and took my cell phone from the bed side table and dialed the number.
"Hello?"
"Hi, Mikes. It's Gee... Where are you?"
"I can barrely hear you, Gee, you're voice doesnt sound too good. Anyway, we're at some weird store with a lot of transvestites.... Don't ask, it was Tré who dragged us in here"
"Oh, well, when are you coming home?"
"Wait" he said and went silent. "No, it's Gee" he said to someone and then returned to me. "I dont know, maybe in a few hours"
"Okay. I'll see you guys later"
"Yeah, bye Gee!" he said and hung up. The silence in the room was pressing against my ears and the pain in my body came shooting back as I no longer had anything else to think about. Mikey had managed to distract my own depressing feelings for at least a few seconds, but now they seemed to be even worse. I thought about calling Frank, but that was a phone call that I really didnt wanna experience. The awkwardness would destroy me completely.
I fell into a trace-ish sleep but woke up when my head was hurting like a bitch. I opened my eyes and was just about to go and get the pain killers again when I realized that they wouldnt help me. I need something stronger that. Something much stronger that can make me forget. That always makes me forget the pain I'm in, that I can always trust...
I carefully swung my legs out of bed with every muscle in my body screaming in protest but I ignored it. It would get better as soon as I got what I needed. I didnt leave a note for Frank cause I would probably be home before him so I just grabbed the car keys to Brians car, hoping that the guys didnt take it, found them and left the room.