My Miserable Romance

I stumbled out in the corridor and almost fell over as another cough-attack appeared in my throat. Shit, there's something seriously wrong with it... I felt the taste of iron in my mouth and before I could stop myself, I spat out the red liquid on the floor. That wasnt the most politest thing I could've done... Oh well. At least my coughing's over. I shivered as my eyes fell on the elevators closed doors and I slowly limped over to the stairs. I knew I was weak and tired right now, so it would've been a lot better to take the elevator, but yet... Fuck no. The stair's more safe. Or not, but I dont really care, I wont go into that freaky cell again.

The receptonist gave me a worried look as I entered the lobby. Like I need her sympathy... Christ, I'm not handicapped. Just a bit... exhausted. Yeah. And stressed. I dont need anyone to help me cause there's nothing wrong with me, I'm just tired. I dragged myself out on the street and smiled when I saw Brian's car standing right outside. I guess the guys walked... Good for me though. My cellphone started beeping, so I quickly jumped into the car cause there was no way that I could stand up one more second. It was a really weird feeling, seeing that I had slept a lot the last couple of hours.
I sat down in the drivers seat and pulled up my phone out of my pocket. It was a message from Frank, so I pressed `yes´ to read it.

R u doing okay on ur own? I can come home if u want

Im fine. I can take care of myself - I sent back. I knew it looked pretty cold and emotionless, and I guess it was. I had to remind myself over and over again that he was only checking me cause he was worried but it was like another side of me, the anti-social side, was trying to make me hate Frank. After a few seconds of not knowing what to do next, I pulled up my phone and sent him another message.

Please dont hate me I wrote and sent it before I could change my mind. He answered immediatly.

Y would I?

For what I'm about to do... But I didnt write that.

Nevermind I sent it and turned off my phone before he would have the chance to answer. I couldnt take his questions right now, cause I wasnt sure I would have the answers. Or well, I had them, but I wasnt sure I would like him to know them.

I started the car and drove off. I wasnt sure where I was gonna go, but I knew what I needed. I drove for at least one hour until I finally stopped at a small pub with dark windows, which actually didnt were one hour away from the hotel, but I'd driven around most of the time to clear my head. I walked in and sat down at an empty table with my head bent down, keeping my eyes away from curious gazes from the other guests. I knew I looked like a fucking wreck, but I didnt care at all. I wasnt here to make them like me, I was here to forget.

"What'cha want?" a, very gay, waiter asked me with a bored look upon his face.
"The strongest thing you have" I mumbled, still with my eyes looking down the table. "Three glasses"
"Three glasses? Wow, you must be like... depressed" he said and turned around to get what I asked for. Well, fuck you, maybe I am. But I'm not. Right? I'm just low, not depressed, not happy.

"Here'ya go" the waiter said and put down three glasses filled with some clear liquid.
"Thanks... I'll pay you right now if that's okay?"
"Sure" he said and I gave him the money before he walked away. I took one of the glasses in my hand and downed the, what I thought it was, vodka. I didnt really care what it was, just that it contained alcohol. Which it sure did... I felt the familiar feeling of heat spred in my chest as the liquid passed my soar throat. I didnt know if I had missed the feeling or not, but I knew that it was wrong. I drank the other glass too and when I was about to start on my third, the whole world started spinning. Not a big surprise, though, but I remembered the pills that I took earlier. I just broke the alcoholics golden rule; never mix pills and alcohol, unless you're suicidal, so I put down the last glass before it touched my lips and got up from the chair. I swayed slightly, but figured that I wasnt drunk. Not yet, at least. It will take a while for the alcohol to make a reaction in my body so I walked out to the car and decided to drive back to the hotel before my state got out of control.

I pulled up my phone again to see if I had some message, and saw that I had two, both from Frank.

Kay. I'll be back in two hours - said the first one. I looked at my watch and sighed in relief as I still had one hour to get back to the hotel, have a shower and then pretend to be asleep when he came home.

Im sorry for bossing u around, btw. U know I love you and that Im only doing it bcoz of that. I need to talk to u bout something and dont worry - Im not gonna break up with u but we still need to talk. See u when I get home. Love u

That last message made me broke down in tears. He was caring about me too much, I didnt deserve his consideration. I'd done something that would make him hurt, something that I knew he didnt want me to do and yet, I did it. I could just pray that he would understand why I did it. I wiped away the tears and started the car. I figured that if I drove to the hotel fast enough, the alcohol wouldnt get to me. When I had driven for about ten minutes it started to feel like I wasnt getting anywhere, like I wasnt even driving. My vision was blurry and I had to blink repeatidly just to make my eyes stay open. I stepped on the gas a little harder but to my annoyance, nothing happend. It was like I was driving in a field of quicksand. I got another fit of coughings, which made me just step on the gas even harder cause all I wanted to do right now was to get home. I wanted to be with Frank, I wanted to kiss him, hug him and apologize for everything I had ever done to him.

I heard the sound of sirens and then saw a police car in the driving mirror, signing for me to stop the car. Oh just great... Just my fucking luck. I stopped the car and the police man walked up to me.

"You were driving a bit fast there, mister" he said and bent down to look at me. "Let me see your driving-license"
Oh even more great. It's still at the hotel room!
"I.. I dont have it" I stuttered and the police man gave me a suspicious look.
"I will have to ask you to come to the police station with me, young man" he said, probably smelling the alcohol from my breath.
"But-" I started, but realized that arguing with him wasnt the best thing to do. "Okay, fine"

"I have to call my brother!" I exclaimed desperatly as a guard tried to push me into a cell. "Please, just one phone call!"
"Fine. You have thirty seconds" the guard said and led me to a phone. With shaking hands, I dialed Mikeys number and he answered immediatly.
"Gee?! Where the hell are you?! We got back like ten minutes ago and you werent there, no note, not anything!" he almost screamed and I heard some voices in the background as he said my name.
"Mikey, listen to me. I'm at the police station. They wont let me go and I have no money, so I need you to bail me out, okay? And dont tell Frankie!" I said quickly with the guard hanging over my shoulder, waiting for me to hang up. "And please, hurry up!"
I hung up before he could ask me some more questions. The guard led me into a small cell and I felt the claustrophobic feeling grow inside of me. How could I be so stupid?! Now I had a DUI in my file... Frank will kill me. I mean, I could've been the murdered of his parents! Wait, what if I hit someone while I was driving? No, cause I would've noticed... I hope I would've. No wait, the police got me pretty fast, there was no way I could've hit someone without the police seeing it. But still, this wasnt good.

I leaned my back agains the cold, white walls and buried my head in my arms. My lungs felt like they were too small and I was slowly suffocating. I'd been sitting in here for what felt like three hours, but it probably wasnt more than one, which, after all, isnt that long. I wonder how prisoners deal with this. I got lost in my thoughts of how it would be like to spend ten years in a cell cause of something you havent done, but was interrupted as the celldoor opened.

"You're free to go" a guard said and I ran out of the cell to see Mikey stand with a confused face. I jumped up on him and hugged him until he couldnt breathe and he had to push me off.
"What the hell did you do to end up here?" he asked as we walked out of the police station.
"Drunk-driving" I mumbled and Mikey stopped dead in his track.
"You what? Shit, Frankie's gonna kill you!"
"I know" I sighed as we climbed into the car. I started coughing again and had to open the car door to spit out the blood. Mikey gave me a worried look but I just smiled at him.
"I'm okay, don't worry. Just take me home, please?"
"Sure..." he sighed and started the car.

It took us about twenty minutes to reach the hotel and by the time we got there, I was shaking. There was a lot of different ways Frank would dump me on, which I was convinced that he would as soon as he found out. He could scream and hit me until he broke up with me - cry and sob until he broke up with me or, the worst one - he could stay silent and stare at me until he would hiss out that he hates me and dont wanna be with me anymore. I prefered the first one.

We walked into the lobby, where we met Billie Joe, Mike and Tré, who was talking to the reciptionist. I felt their eyes on me, wondering why I was looking like a complete mess and then they walked up to me.

"Well, hello" Tré said and smiled. "What are you guys up to?"
"Oh nothing, we're just gonna go up to- Shit, Gee, are you okay?" Mikey asked as he saw me bend over and cough up some more blood, but I just waved at him that I was fine. "Anyways, we're going up to the guys"
"Can we join? We're bored..." Billie Joe asked and all of a sudden put a hand on my shoulder. "You should really go and see a doctor"
"And why's that?" I asked, surprised. I mean, I wasnt sick or anything.
"Well, you're coughing blood, dude. What if you got tuberculosis?"
"Tuberculosis? Me? No, no, no! My throat's just dry" I said, but realized that my argument was pretty weak. But tuberculosis? No way.
"If you say so" Billie Joe said, but didnt take my eyes of me. "But you look exhausted and feverish"
"So? I'm just tired, that's all" I said nervously, now really doubting that I was healthy.
"Maybe, but you should know that they are all tuberculosis symptoms" he said with a shrug. "I think you sould see a doctor just in case"
"Bill, you're scaring the shit outta him. He might just be tired" Mike said, trying to laugh a little but we all heard that he wasnt convinced. I took a deep breath and tried to absorbe the new information, but seeing that I was drunk and high on pain killers, it didnt go so great. It just ended up with me being dizzy and Mikey had to help me up the stairs to get to our room.

"I need to talk to Frankie alone" I said as we got to my door. They all nodded understandily, even though the Green Day guys had no idea what was going on. They all walked over to Mikeys room and I carefully knocked on the hotel door, cause I'd forgot my key when I left earlier.
Frank opened the door and his face lit up as he saw that it was me.
"Gerard! God, I've been so worried, I thought you'd killed youself or something" he exclaimed and dragged me inside. His face turned into a concerned look as he saw my face.
"What's wrong?" he asked and I gestured for him to sit down on the bed with me.
"I have one good news, and two bad, or well, one and a half cause I dont know if one of them is true" I mumbled.
"Okay? Well, start with the bad ones. Both of them"
I took a deep breathe again to prepare myself.
"First of all, I was in pain Frankie, okay? I love you and would never hurt you, even if I did, but that's not the point cause I didnt to it to hurt you but I needed it and when you asked me if I wanted you to stay, I said no even though I wanted it and I wish I would've made you stay cause if you'd done that, this wouldnt have happend and I'm so sor-"
"Gerard?"
"Yeah?" I asked, panting for air as I had said all that in one breath.
"Get to the point" he said and gave me an encouraging smile.
"Okay... I was cought drunk driving" I said quickly and his whole face froze. "And before you say anything, I want you to listen to me! Okay?"
He nodded calmly but I could tell that he was about to explode in anger already.
"I decided to get some drinks, cause the pain killers didnt help. And it wasnt for the alcohol, Frankie, it was just that I needed it to take away the pain. That came out wrong, but you dont know how it felt to lie on this fucking bed all alone with every bone in your body aching. Anyway, I had been taking pills too, which I didnt realize until I had already had two glass of some weird vodka, so I decided to drive home until the alcohol got out in my blood and well, when I did, the police got me"
"Was that suppose to be an excuse?" he asked coldly.
"Why do you always think that I'm trying to apologize? It was an explanation!"
"A lousy one" he muttered. "I dont wanna hear the other bad news just yet, tell me the good news before I beat the shit out of you"
"Well, the good news is that I'm not mad at you anymore..." I said carefully.
"Cause I have a better reason to be mad at you than you have to be mad at me?"
"Uhm. Yeah"
"I have a question, though"
"Me too, but go ahead"
"Do you regret what you did?"
"More than anything"
"Good. What was your question?"
"Why arent you freaking out?"
"Cause I'm tired of fighting with you, Gee..."
Here it goes.
"So if you'll let me get some sleep I'll make sure to freak out on you tomorrow"
At least he didnt dump me.