My Miserable Romance
The decisions that I've made.
~Frank's POV~
"This is the second time we're breaking up and I want you to think about the consequences, Gerard" I said, surprised that I even dared to look at him. He looked like he was about to kill me any second, or at least punch me and my last line wasnt making him any happier. "Arent you a bit... dramatic?"
"Says the one who proposed!" he was really freaking out, I could tell by the way his voice got louder and louder by every word he said. "I cant talk to you right now, I need to be alone"
"Wait, no, you can't leave!" I exclaimed as he walked over to the door.
"And why not?"
"Cause I'm confused" I said carefully, knowing that he could storm out the door any second, being even mader than he already was.
"And why would I care?" he asked coldly but I could hear that he was about to calm down.
"I dont know, but please stay and talk to me"
"Everything about you makes me angry right now, Frank. I dont know if it's a good idea to talk-"
"But I do" I stated, once again surprised by my courage. I walked up to him, grabbed him by the arm and led him to the bed. "We're gonna work things out"
He sighed and avoid my eyes, which made it a lot easier for me to look at his face without feeling embarrassed. It was scary how much he had changed since we got together. He looked tired, his eyes lifeless, lips chapped, his usual pale skin was grey and his whole posture was crooked. Did I do this to him? Am I the reason why he's this miserable?
"Look at me" I demanded but he pretended not to hear. "I said; look at me"
A muscle in his cheek jumped and first I thought that he was smiling but realized that he was gritting his teeth so hard that his muscles tensed.
"Gerard, please?"
"You're not the only one that's confused" he said, finally turning his head to look at me. "What the hell are we doing?"
"What do you mean?"
"We had everything. We were great friends and even though we had our fights, it never got this far. Why did we ruin it?"
"You're saying that I should've stayed with Lisa and you should've found some guy to fall in love with?"
"It would've been better than this, don't you think?"
"Maybe... But it would never have worked. We love each other, right?"
"Ah right, the love. Love sure sucks..." he muttered and started coughing. He took up a jar from his pocket and took two pills and swallowed. The coughings stopped.
"What the hell did you just do?" I asked and failed miserably at hiding my anger. Did he take drugs right infront of my eyes?
"Medication from the doctor" he mumbled. "What did you think?"
"We dont trust each other" I said suddenly just as it hit me. That was the problem. "I dont know about you, but I constantly think that you're out to hurt me"
"Right back at you" he said and buried his face in his hands.
"What are we gonna do about it?"
"Well... If you agree to let me take back my words before, I think we need a break from each other" he said softly and I felt my body relax as the cold and harshness in his eyes were gone.
"You're right. I can live with my sister when the tour's over and when we both feel ready, I'll come back"
"You got a sister? Okay sorry, I wont change the subject. How are we gonna do during the tour?"
"Let's consider our relationship over until we have worked things out... No love, just friendship"
"Yeah" he said and nodded in agreement. "Just friends"
*
"Gerard?" I whispered out in the darkness. It was in the middle of the night and I had been awake for several hours, thinking about everything and nothing.
"Mhm?" he mumbled and turned around in the bed to look at me.
"I never wanted you to die" I knew that he already knew that, but I just felt that it was important that I said it. His sad face when I told him that I was convinced that he was gonna die was like glued to my eyes and I just felt an urge to make him happy.
"Don't worry about it" he said and moved closer to me. I smiled and took his move as an invitation to hug him, so I did. I didnt like the feeling of constantly being embarrassed whenever I was around him, which I began to be. We both had a lot of surpressed feelings that we didnt show and we really needed to be away from each other. We had spent time together way too much and it all took out it's right now. We got annoyed over small things, which turned into big things, which turned into major fights.
"I wanna start over" he said as we pulled away from our stiff hug. "Like all of this never happend"
"We can do that as soon as the tour's over" I said and felt a bit better. After all, he wanted to make things right and that could only mean that he loved me too much to just let me go. I remembered his tired face and decided to ask him about it. "You've aged, Gerard. Everything about you seems to have changed... Why?"
"Remember when I was depressed?" he asked and I thought that he was just avoiding my question but realized that he might have a point behind his own question.
"Yeah?"
"Remember all the shit I went through? Well, these months have been about ten times worse. Not because of you, but because of everything around us. It all happend so fast, we got on tour, we got together, I stopped drinking, the thing with Mikey, the fire... Shit, I'm worn out"
"I guess I havent been as supportive as I should've been. I knew that it took hard on you but I just thought that it would pass with time" I said and smiled weakly. "You should've told me-"
"Don't start with the should've, could've and would've, Frank" he said quickly. "You're just making me doubt the decisions that I've made"
"Fine, I wont but next time, I want you to tell me. I want you to tell me everything"
I felt his wet, almost cold lips onto mine and I knew that this was kind of a good bye. A good bye to our old life cause we were gonna start over. We are gonna have a new, fresh start and this time, we are gonna do everything right.
"This is the second time we're breaking up and I want you to think about the consequences, Gerard" I said, surprised that I even dared to look at him. He looked like he was about to kill me any second, or at least punch me and my last line wasnt making him any happier. "Arent you a bit... dramatic?"
"Says the one who proposed!" he was really freaking out, I could tell by the way his voice got louder and louder by every word he said. "I cant talk to you right now, I need to be alone"
"Wait, no, you can't leave!" I exclaimed as he walked over to the door.
"And why not?"
"Cause I'm confused" I said carefully, knowing that he could storm out the door any second, being even mader than he already was.
"And why would I care?" he asked coldly but I could hear that he was about to calm down.
"I dont know, but please stay and talk to me"
"Everything about you makes me angry right now, Frank. I dont know if it's a good idea to talk-"
"But I do" I stated, once again surprised by my courage. I walked up to him, grabbed him by the arm and led him to the bed. "We're gonna work things out"
He sighed and avoid my eyes, which made it a lot easier for me to look at his face without feeling embarrassed. It was scary how much he had changed since we got together. He looked tired, his eyes lifeless, lips chapped, his usual pale skin was grey and his whole posture was crooked. Did I do this to him? Am I the reason why he's this miserable?
"Look at me" I demanded but he pretended not to hear. "I said; look at me"
A muscle in his cheek jumped and first I thought that he was smiling but realized that he was gritting his teeth so hard that his muscles tensed.
"Gerard, please?"
"You're not the only one that's confused" he said, finally turning his head to look at me. "What the hell are we doing?"
"What do you mean?"
"We had everything. We were great friends and even though we had our fights, it never got this far. Why did we ruin it?"
"You're saying that I should've stayed with Lisa and you should've found some guy to fall in love with?"
"It would've been better than this, don't you think?"
"Maybe... But it would never have worked. We love each other, right?"
"Ah right, the love. Love sure sucks..." he muttered and started coughing. He took up a jar from his pocket and took two pills and swallowed. The coughings stopped.
"What the hell did you just do?" I asked and failed miserably at hiding my anger. Did he take drugs right infront of my eyes?
"Medication from the doctor" he mumbled. "What did you think?"
"We dont trust each other" I said suddenly just as it hit me. That was the problem. "I dont know about you, but I constantly think that you're out to hurt me"
"Right back at you" he said and buried his face in his hands.
"What are we gonna do about it?"
"Well... If you agree to let me take back my words before, I think we need a break from each other" he said softly and I felt my body relax as the cold and harshness in his eyes were gone.
"You're right. I can live with my sister when the tour's over and when we both feel ready, I'll come back"
"You got a sister? Okay sorry, I wont change the subject. How are we gonna do during the tour?"
"Let's consider our relationship over until we have worked things out... No love, just friendship"
"Yeah" he said and nodded in agreement. "Just friends"
*
"Gerard?" I whispered out in the darkness. It was in the middle of the night and I had been awake for several hours, thinking about everything and nothing.
"Mhm?" he mumbled and turned around in the bed to look at me.
"I never wanted you to die" I knew that he already knew that, but I just felt that it was important that I said it. His sad face when I told him that I was convinced that he was gonna die was like glued to my eyes and I just felt an urge to make him happy.
"Don't worry about it" he said and moved closer to me. I smiled and took his move as an invitation to hug him, so I did. I didnt like the feeling of constantly being embarrassed whenever I was around him, which I began to be. We both had a lot of surpressed feelings that we didnt show and we really needed to be away from each other. We had spent time together way too much and it all took out it's right now. We got annoyed over small things, which turned into big things, which turned into major fights.
"I wanna start over" he said as we pulled away from our stiff hug. "Like all of this never happend"
"We can do that as soon as the tour's over" I said and felt a bit better. After all, he wanted to make things right and that could only mean that he loved me too much to just let me go. I remembered his tired face and decided to ask him about it. "You've aged, Gerard. Everything about you seems to have changed... Why?"
"Remember when I was depressed?" he asked and I thought that he was just avoiding my question but realized that he might have a point behind his own question.
"Yeah?"
"Remember all the shit I went through? Well, these months have been about ten times worse. Not because of you, but because of everything around us. It all happend so fast, we got on tour, we got together, I stopped drinking, the thing with Mikey, the fire... Shit, I'm worn out"
"I guess I havent been as supportive as I should've been. I knew that it took hard on you but I just thought that it would pass with time" I said and smiled weakly. "You should've told me-"
"Don't start with the should've, could've and would've, Frank" he said quickly. "You're just making me doubt the decisions that I've made"
"Fine, I wont but next time, I want you to tell me. I want you to tell me everything"
I felt his wet, almost cold lips onto mine and I knew that this was kind of a good bye. A good bye to our old life cause we were gonna start over. We are gonna have a new, fresh start and this time, we are gonna do everything right.