My Miserable Romance
He knows what's best for me in times when I don't.
~Okay, first of all... I've got 400 comments! Thank you! And second of all, is it just me or do I have too much drama and shit in this story? ~
~Gerard's POV~
"I'm okay" I said just to make him stop worrying.
His head shot up from where he had rested it peacefully on mine when he heard that I'd finally decided to at least utter any other noices than my sobs. I knew that all of the guys were worried about me by now and I felt stupid for crying infront of them all.
"What happend?" he asked and I reluctantly looked him in the eyes but regretted it the same second I did. His eyes were filled of concern and to my agony, sadness that hadnt appeared before his eyes met mine, I knew that. Did I make him that worried?
Well, of course I did! I would be worried out of my mind if I were Frank and I realized how calm he actually acted about the whole situation. I would definately have freaked out, forcing him to tell me what was wrong but he just waited.
He shifted his position and I felt guilty for using him as some kind of pillow for me to lean on but decided not to apologize about it, he would just shrug me off and tell me that he didnt mind, so it wasnt worth it.
He was waiting for me to answer his question but I knew I couldnt tell him just yet. I was still in shock about what just happend and wasnt ready to pass it on before I would've gotten the chance to really understand it myself. But he deserved to know, he looked like he was about to cry any second now.
"I..." I started but my voice betrayed me. "He wasnt an interviewer, Frankie" I croaked out instead and to my embarrassement,my voice was shaking. Like he hasn't had enough of my emotions already.
I turned away from him so he wouldnt noticed how ashamed i felt, which I knew that he already had but it didnt matter. I just didnt want him to feel like I was suffocating him, pressing him to comfort me even though I knew I wasnt. He loved me and wanted to know what was wrong and he wanted to help me - that was what I usually thought and knew, but those thoughts didnt appear in my head right now. All I wanted was to regain some of my lost dignity so I stared out the window just so the guys wouldnt see me break down.
"You're really freaking me out, Gee. What did he do to you?" Frank asked with concern in his voice.
Why couldnt he just leave me and my thoughts alone for just one second?
I mentally beat myself up for even thinking that sentence. We both know that leaving me alone with my thoughts leads to me slipping in and out of depression, so I had no right to complain about his actions. He knows what's best for me in times when I don't.
"Nothing" I stuttered out.
"You better tell me later or I'll have to drag it out of you" he said with a sigh and I couldn't help but to feel my heart skip a beat when he said so. I knew that he wanted to 'drag it out of me' cause he wanted to help me, even though he made it sound like he was just curious. I didnt know what to respond to that, so I just kept my eyes on the street lights that were shooting past us as we drove. We were home in New Jersey, I could tell by the dirty side-walks.
I heard the sound of fabric brushing over leather and wondered why they, Mikey and Frank, were moving around in their seats but decided to ignore it. I was in a mixed state of anger, shock and confusion and the scene that I had experienced just two hours ago were playing in my head over and over again.
"Gee?" I heard Mikey ask and I turned to look at him. He had taken over Franks seat next to me and Frank was now sitting next to the other door, looking at me to see if I would talk to Mikey or not.
I had no problem in crying infront of Mikey though... I had seen him cry so many times when we were kids and the other way around and it would just be stupid of me to feel embarrassed infront of my brother.
Yeah, it's not stupid at all to feel embarrassed infront of my boyfriend... Frank must think-
What? I dont even know what he might think about me right now.
"Mhm?" I said with my lips painfully pressed together, determined not to let any more sobs escape. He leaned over and gave me a hug and I buried my head in his neck just like I had done when it was Frank that I was being comforted by.
"You're not gonna tell us, huh?" he whispered in my ear before ending the hug. I had to smile weakly when I heard him say that. He knew me too well.
"Not yet"
He nodded.
"Do you want Frankie?"
Now I was smiling even wider. He made it sound like Frank was my teddybear that I couldnt sleep without and it was true in one way. He looked thrilled that he had made me smile and I nodded. He and Frank changed seats again and as soon as Frank was sitting down, he pulled me into a hug. I would've found it a bit ridiculous to be hugged like this all the time but I felt that I really needed to be close to someone, anyone.
"I love you" he said, uncertain that it would be the right thing to say right now, probably afraid that he would made me break down in tears again.
"I love you more"
"What happend?"
"A lot"
"What made you cry?"
"I wasnt crying" I said, fully aware of how stupid that sounded. They had all both heard and seen me cry.
"Okay, what made you... get emotional?"
"He-... He just scared me, that's all"
"Who?"
"The brown-haired man"
"The interviewer?"
"He wasnt a damn interviewer, he was a freakin' murdered" I blurted out before I could stop myself and I felt the whole car flinch as Ray dropped the control over the steering wheel.
"Did he try to kill you?" Frank gasped.
"No! I mean... No, or maybe... Can we just... Not talk about it right now?" I mumbled but Frank was apparently not gonna let this pass. Understandable. I would've been screaming at myself by now if I were him.
"Did he, or did he not try to kill you?"
"I don't know! He might've just been messing around but it scared the shit outta me and I ran out the room and saw you guys leave and I was still pissed cause he had scared me and stuff so when I got to the car you were acting all nice and I realized that... I don't know, okay. I'll tell you later"
"But for God's sake, Gerard! Tell me what happend!" Frank almost screamed, completely loosing his calm.
"Nothing happend, I overreacted" I mumbled shyly. I hate when he's yelling at me and I hate it even more when he has every right to.
"What did you overreact about?" he asked, this time with his voice a bit softer, probably cause Mikey had punched him to make him calm down.
"We're at your place" Ray interrupted us and I quickly jumped out of the car. Frank stayed just a few seconds longer to exchange some words with Mikey before following me.
I started walking but he grabbed my arm and I turned to look at him.
"Please Frankie, don't make me-"
"I can't ignore the fact that you were crying your eyes out, Gee" he interruped me with a soft voice.
"Nothing happend, I promise. I freaked out"
"What did you freak out about then?"
"I-I... Arh, fine, I'll tell you, but it's not a big deal"
"Don't worry, just tell me"
"Well, I left the room with that dude and he led me into the room next to yours. He closed the door and then all of a sudden, he pulled up a gun and tried to rob me or something... I didnt really understand what was going on, I was just furious cause he thought that he could pull that shit on me so I ran out the room before he could stop me"
"You... You ran away from a dude with a gun?! Do you know how dangerous that is?! He could've killed you!"
"I know... I realized that when I got to the car, that's why I was crying" I said and smiled sheepily at him. "Nothing happend, okay? I'm fine, he just scared me"
"Gerard?"
"Yeah?"
"You're pretty stupid sometimes"
"I thought it was kinda smart to run away.. At least he didnt rob me"
"No, at least he didnt kill you" Frank corrected me. "Come on, I'm exhausted... Carry me?"
"I wont carry you! I'm just as exhausted as you are" I laughed and started walking up the stairs to our apartment, but turned around when I noticed that he wasnt moving. "Frankie?"
"I'm trying to show you just how insulted I am right now"
"Is that so? Well, you can stand here and show me how abandoned you feel while I'm going to bed"
"You're both mean and stupid, Gee"
"Why thank you" I said and bowed. "But seriously, my body's aching so I'm gonna go to bed, so move it!"
~I'm not happy with the whole crying/robbing-scene that happend to Gerard. I just made that up while I wrote, so if you thought that it sucked, then I have an excuse...~
~Gerard's POV~
"I'm okay" I said just to make him stop worrying.
His head shot up from where he had rested it peacefully on mine when he heard that I'd finally decided to at least utter any other noices than my sobs. I knew that all of the guys were worried about me by now and I felt stupid for crying infront of them all.
"What happend?" he asked and I reluctantly looked him in the eyes but regretted it the same second I did. His eyes were filled of concern and to my agony, sadness that hadnt appeared before his eyes met mine, I knew that. Did I make him that worried?
Well, of course I did! I would be worried out of my mind if I were Frank and I realized how calm he actually acted about the whole situation. I would definately have freaked out, forcing him to tell me what was wrong but he just waited.
He shifted his position and I felt guilty for using him as some kind of pillow for me to lean on but decided not to apologize about it, he would just shrug me off and tell me that he didnt mind, so it wasnt worth it.
He was waiting for me to answer his question but I knew I couldnt tell him just yet. I was still in shock about what just happend and wasnt ready to pass it on before I would've gotten the chance to really understand it myself. But he deserved to know, he looked like he was about to cry any second now.
"I..." I started but my voice betrayed me. "He wasnt an interviewer, Frankie" I croaked out instead and to my embarrassement,my voice was shaking. Like he hasn't had enough of my emotions already.
I turned away from him so he wouldnt noticed how ashamed i felt, which I knew that he already had but it didnt matter. I just didnt want him to feel like I was suffocating him, pressing him to comfort me even though I knew I wasnt. He loved me and wanted to know what was wrong and he wanted to help me - that was what I usually thought and knew, but those thoughts didnt appear in my head right now. All I wanted was to regain some of my lost dignity so I stared out the window just so the guys wouldnt see me break down.
"You're really freaking me out, Gee. What did he do to you?" Frank asked with concern in his voice.
Why couldnt he just leave me and my thoughts alone for just one second?
I mentally beat myself up for even thinking that sentence. We both know that leaving me alone with my thoughts leads to me slipping in and out of depression, so I had no right to complain about his actions. He knows what's best for me in times when I don't.
"Nothing" I stuttered out.
"You better tell me later or I'll have to drag it out of you" he said with a sigh and I couldn't help but to feel my heart skip a beat when he said so. I knew that he wanted to 'drag it out of me' cause he wanted to help me, even though he made it sound like he was just curious. I didnt know what to respond to that, so I just kept my eyes on the street lights that were shooting past us as we drove. We were home in New Jersey, I could tell by the dirty side-walks.
I heard the sound of fabric brushing over leather and wondered why they, Mikey and Frank, were moving around in their seats but decided to ignore it. I was in a mixed state of anger, shock and confusion and the scene that I had experienced just two hours ago were playing in my head over and over again.
"Gee?" I heard Mikey ask and I turned to look at him. He had taken over Franks seat next to me and Frank was now sitting next to the other door, looking at me to see if I would talk to Mikey or not.
I had no problem in crying infront of Mikey though... I had seen him cry so many times when we were kids and the other way around and it would just be stupid of me to feel embarrassed infront of my brother.
Yeah, it's not stupid at all to feel embarrassed infront of my boyfriend... Frank must think-
What? I dont even know what he might think about me right now.
"Mhm?" I said with my lips painfully pressed together, determined not to let any more sobs escape. He leaned over and gave me a hug and I buried my head in his neck just like I had done when it was Frank that I was being comforted by.
"You're not gonna tell us, huh?" he whispered in my ear before ending the hug. I had to smile weakly when I heard him say that. He knew me too well.
"Not yet"
He nodded.
"Do you want Frankie?"
Now I was smiling even wider. He made it sound like Frank was my teddybear that I couldnt sleep without and it was true in one way. He looked thrilled that he had made me smile and I nodded. He and Frank changed seats again and as soon as Frank was sitting down, he pulled me into a hug. I would've found it a bit ridiculous to be hugged like this all the time but I felt that I really needed to be close to someone, anyone.
"I love you" he said, uncertain that it would be the right thing to say right now, probably afraid that he would made me break down in tears again.
"I love you more"
"What happend?"
"A lot"
"What made you cry?"
"I wasnt crying" I said, fully aware of how stupid that sounded. They had all both heard and seen me cry.
"Okay, what made you... get emotional?"
"He-... He just scared me, that's all"
"Who?"
"The brown-haired man"
"The interviewer?"
"He wasnt a damn interviewer, he was a freakin' murdered" I blurted out before I could stop myself and I felt the whole car flinch as Ray dropped the control over the steering wheel.
"Did he try to kill you?" Frank gasped.
"No! I mean... No, or maybe... Can we just... Not talk about it right now?" I mumbled but Frank was apparently not gonna let this pass. Understandable. I would've been screaming at myself by now if I were him.
"Did he, or did he not try to kill you?"
"I don't know! He might've just been messing around but it scared the shit outta me and I ran out the room and saw you guys leave and I was still pissed cause he had scared me and stuff so when I got to the car you were acting all nice and I realized that... I don't know, okay. I'll tell you later"
"But for God's sake, Gerard! Tell me what happend!" Frank almost screamed, completely loosing his calm.
"Nothing happend, I overreacted" I mumbled shyly. I hate when he's yelling at me and I hate it even more when he has every right to.
"What did you overreact about?" he asked, this time with his voice a bit softer, probably cause Mikey had punched him to make him calm down.
"We're at your place" Ray interrupted us and I quickly jumped out of the car. Frank stayed just a few seconds longer to exchange some words with Mikey before following me.
I started walking but he grabbed my arm and I turned to look at him.
"Please Frankie, don't make me-"
"I can't ignore the fact that you were crying your eyes out, Gee" he interruped me with a soft voice.
"Nothing happend, I promise. I freaked out"
"What did you freak out about then?"
"I-I... Arh, fine, I'll tell you, but it's not a big deal"
"Don't worry, just tell me"
"Well, I left the room with that dude and he led me into the room next to yours. He closed the door and then all of a sudden, he pulled up a gun and tried to rob me or something... I didnt really understand what was going on, I was just furious cause he thought that he could pull that shit on me so I ran out the room before he could stop me"
"You... You ran away from a dude with a gun?! Do you know how dangerous that is?! He could've killed you!"
"I know... I realized that when I got to the car, that's why I was crying" I said and smiled sheepily at him. "Nothing happend, okay? I'm fine, he just scared me"
"Gerard?"
"Yeah?"
"You're pretty stupid sometimes"
"I thought it was kinda smart to run away.. At least he didnt rob me"
"No, at least he didnt kill you" Frank corrected me. "Come on, I'm exhausted... Carry me?"
"I wont carry you! I'm just as exhausted as you are" I laughed and started walking up the stairs to our apartment, but turned around when I noticed that he wasnt moving. "Frankie?"
"I'm trying to show you just how insulted I am right now"
"Is that so? Well, you can stand here and show me how abandoned you feel while I'm going to bed"
"You're both mean and stupid, Gee"
"Why thank you" I said and bowed. "But seriously, my body's aching so I'm gonna go to bed, so move it!"
~I'm not happy with the whole crying/robbing-scene that happend to Gerard. I just made that up while I wrote, so if you thought that it sucked, then I have an excuse...~