My Miserable Romance
Alcoholic, anorexic and gay.
I watched the guys walk out in the kitchen, but then Ray turned to me.
"You're not gonna eat?" He asked me.
"Nope"
"Why not?"
"Cause I dont want to"
He looked at me and then went into the kitchen. Five seconds later he came back, but this time he had Bob with him.
"You're skinny, and skinny boys gotta eat" Bob said and he and Ray grabbed my arms. I tried to get away from them, but they were determined to get me to come into the kitchen. I sighed as they pushed me down in a chair.
"Eat" Mikey said and set down a plate infront of me. I looked around the table. They were happily eating their pasta without caring about how they looked. Gosh, I sound like an anorexic teenager...
"Seriously Gerard, I think you're anorectic"
My head shot up as I heard Franks voice.
"No Im not"
"Why are you so thin then? And why are you not eating? You know, it's not normal to just drink alcohol all day and not eat. You're starting to look like a walking skeleton" Frank said significantly.
Oh my... I could actually feel my brain click as I realized what he was saying. Here I am, 23 years old, starving myself. Even if I still think that Im fat, I should know that this wont work! I have read about those depressed teenagers who looks like skeletons, and now Im one of them. Im really pathetic... 23 years old, alcoholic, anorexic, gay and I cant stop thinking about my best friend in a way that I shouldnt.
"I... I'm not that skinny" I stuttered.
"Nah, but you're too skinny"
I shrugged and looked at my hands.
"So you think your fat, ey?" Frank said and smiled at me.
"Well.. Yeah, maybe"
He made his way over to me, and I wondered what he was gonna do.
"Put your arm next to mine" he demanded and put his arm on the table.
I did what he said. I looked at our arms.
"See? Your arm is a skeletons arm, while my arm is a lot thicker than yours" he said and I knew he was right. If his perfect arm was thicker than mine, then I cant be fat... Or wait, maybe my arms are too thin, and the rest of my body is too fat! He saw my worried face so he took my hand and put it on his stomach.
"Feel this?" He asked. I wasnt sure what he meant, all I could feel was his flat stomach under his shirt.
"Feel what?" I asked. Mikey, Bob and Ray was looking at us quite amused, and I felt really stupid. Frank sighed and moved my hand up to his ribs.
"Okay, can you feel my ribs?"
"Yeah, a little"
"But not much, right?"
"Well, no" I answered. He took away my hand and put in on my own chest.
"Fell your own ribs?" He asked.
"...Yeah"
"More than you felt mine?"
He studied my face as I went quiet.
"Yes" I managed to say through the lump in my throat. Not gonna cry. He smiled at me and got back to his chair and started eating again.
Angrily, I started shoving in food in my mouth. Frank's right. If he's `fatter´ than me, then I cant be fat. I felt tears coming out of my eyes as I swallowed the pasta. My stomach immediatly turned and I ran to the bathroom.
I returned to the kitchen, where Mikey embraced me.
"You idiot" He grinned at me. "You cant start eating that fast"
I gave him a weak smile and sat down on my chair. I was determined, I was gonna eat.
One hour I had finished my pasta, with Frank and Bob next to me, telling me to slow down when I had to much. They didnt want me to rush it, cause then I would just throw up again.
"Good! You made it!" Bob shouted and hugged me. I beamed at them, and Mikey and Ray, who had been in the livingroom came in.
"Im sorry, Gee. I should have helped you sooner, but I didnt know how." Mikey said and put his hand on my shoulder.
"Dont apologize, Mikey"
He smiled and we all went into the living room. Ray turned on the tv and we started watching.
-Three hours later-
"Im gonna go home now, guys..." Ray yawned and climbed up from the couch. "See ya"
"Im gonna go too" Frank said and looked at Bob. "You coming?"
"Mhm" Bob mumbled. I pulled him off from the floor, where he had been sleeping for the last two hours.
"Bye!" Mikey and I yelled as they closed the door.
"Im tired... Good night, Gee." Mikey stumbled out in the bathroom.
"Night" I said to the closed door. I turned off the tv and went into my bedroom, where I fell asleep on the bed.
"You're not gonna eat?" He asked me.
"Nope"
"Why not?"
"Cause I dont want to"
He looked at me and then went into the kitchen. Five seconds later he came back, but this time he had Bob with him.
"You're skinny, and skinny boys gotta eat" Bob said and he and Ray grabbed my arms. I tried to get away from them, but they were determined to get me to come into the kitchen. I sighed as they pushed me down in a chair.
"Eat" Mikey said and set down a plate infront of me. I looked around the table. They were happily eating their pasta without caring about how they looked. Gosh, I sound like an anorexic teenager...
"Seriously Gerard, I think you're anorectic"
My head shot up as I heard Franks voice.
"No Im not"
"Why are you so thin then? And why are you not eating? You know, it's not normal to just drink alcohol all day and not eat. You're starting to look like a walking skeleton" Frank said significantly.
Oh my... I could actually feel my brain click as I realized what he was saying. Here I am, 23 years old, starving myself. Even if I still think that Im fat, I should know that this wont work! I have read about those depressed teenagers who looks like skeletons, and now Im one of them. Im really pathetic... 23 years old, alcoholic, anorexic, gay and I cant stop thinking about my best friend in a way that I shouldnt.
"I... I'm not that skinny" I stuttered.
"Nah, but you're too skinny"
I shrugged and looked at my hands.
"So you think your fat, ey?" Frank said and smiled at me.
"Well.. Yeah, maybe"
He made his way over to me, and I wondered what he was gonna do.
"Put your arm next to mine" he demanded and put his arm on the table.
I did what he said. I looked at our arms.
"See? Your arm is a skeletons arm, while my arm is a lot thicker than yours" he said and I knew he was right. If his perfect arm was thicker than mine, then I cant be fat... Or wait, maybe my arms are too thin, and the rest of my body is too fat! He saw my worried face so he took my hand and put it on his stomach.
"Feel this?" He asked. I wasnt sure what he meant, all I could feel was his flat stomach under his shirt.
"Feel what?" I asked. Mikey, Bob and Ray was looking at us quite amused, and I felt really stupid. Frank sighed and moved my hand up to his ribs.
"Okay, can you feel my ribs?"
"Yeah, a little"
"But not much, right?"
"Well, no" I answered. He took away my hand and put in on my own chest.
"Fell your own ribs?" He asked.
"...Yeah"
"More than you felt mine?"
He studied my face as I went quiet.
"Yes" I managed to say through the lump in my throat. Not gonna cry. He smiled at me and got back to his chair and started eating again.
Angrily, I started shoving in food in my mouth. Frank's right. If he's `fatter´ than me, then I cant be fat. I felt tears coming out of my eyes as I swallowed the pasta. My stomach immediatly turned and I ran to the bathroom.
I returned to the kitchen, where Mikey embraced me.
"You idiot" He grinned at me. "You cant start eating that fast"
I gave him a weak smile and sat down on my chair. I was determined, I was gonna eat.
One hour I had finished my pasta, with Frank and Bob next to me, telling me to slow down when I had to much. They didnt want me to rush it, cause then I would just throw up again.
"Good! You made it!" Bob shouted and hugged me. I beamed at them, and Mikey and Ray, who had been in the livingroom came in.
"Im sorry, Gee. I should have helped you sooner, but I didnt know how." Mikey said and put his hand on my shoulder.
"Dont apologize, Mikey"
He smiled and we all went into the living room. Ray turned on the tv and we started watching.
-Three hours later-
"Im gonna go home now, guys..." Ray yawned and climbed up from the couch. "See ya"
"Im gonna go too" Frank said and looked at Bob. "You coming?"
"Mhm" Bob mumbled. I pulled him off from the floor, where he had been sleeping for the last two hours.
"Bye!" Mikey and I yelled as they closed the door.
"Im tired... Good night, Gee." Mikey stumbled out in the bathroom.
"Night" I said to the closed door. I turned off the tv and went into my bedroom, where I fell asleep on the bed.