Warped Vision

A few days went by, and each time I tried to do something with Justin, he would get a phone call or a text an hour or so in. I was just about ready to give up and wait to hang out with Justin when he was sure he was free. After all, I couldn't really ask him about who he was suddenly going to meet all the time.

It would only make me seem like one of those clingy girlfriends who cared too much. I was supposed to trust him, even though he sort of faltered when he was supposed to trust me with Alan. But still, he was the one in a band. He probably had other obligations and I was just starting to acknowledge this happening because of what Tony said.

Yeah, that was it.

I was leaving the Sleeping with Sirens bus right after Justin hurried off for what felt like the billionth time when I, of course, ran into Tony. He stopped me on the way to my own bus and I rolled my eyes as he looked at me concerned.

“Have you realized I'm right yet?” He asked arrogantly, pursing his lips and looking at me with his know-it-all look.

I let out a sigh and pushed past him, but he only followed me. “What are you doing, calling him and pretending there's an interview he missed or something every time we hang out?” I mumbled as I walked. I didn't want to speak to him. At this point, I wondered what I ever saw in him.

“I'm not doing anything, Hannah!” He called after me, pulling on my arm and getting me to face him again. He spoke with what seemed to me like fake sympathy, “Just looking out for you.”

“Well considering you were wrong about his sexual drive,” I pat his chest with an angry smirk, “I think I'd rather find out for myself if it's true than trust you.”

I attempted to turn around again, but he just whipped me back to face him. I cursed myself for being so weak as he went on, “I'm right about this one, I promise.”

“Right about what?” Alan came waltzing toward us, a juice box in his hand and a smile on his face. I stifled a groan, wishing I could just abruptly leave this conversation. But that would be rude. Still, I didn't want to spend more than 2 seconds talking about Justin potentially cheating on me. Or even any time at all.

Tony's silence and Alan's questioning glances at me, however, caused me to have to continue speaking about it, and not just listening to the idea. I licked my lips almost angrily and crossed my arms across my chest, “Tony apparently believes Justin is cheating on me.”

Alan made an 'O' with his mouth and took in a breath before taking another sip of his juice. Once he was done, he let out nonchalantly, “I heard that too.”

I looked at him in utter disbelief. Where in the hell was everyone hearing this and why was I the only one who hadn't been informed? This had got to be a joke. Justin didn't seem like the type to cheat. If he was unhappy, he'd speak his mind. I knew he would.

“You're in on this?” I asked, exasperated now.

“I'm kidding, Hannah. I don't know what Tony's talking about.” The nervous knot that I realized had formed in my stomach went away quickly upon hearing Alan say this. I breathed out the air I had also been holding in and Alan walked over to me, wrapping his arm around my shoulder. “Hey, want to hang out like you promised you would the day after your date but actually didn't because you're a bitch?”

“Sure, slut,” I smiled up at him. I was happy with the thought of being able to get away from this conversation and actually have fun for a little while. And I could even admit that I missed Alan, at least a little.

I had almost forgotten that Tony was even still there while I looked forward to not having to deal with him, continuing to walk toward my bus with Alan. That is, until he yelled after us, knowing that he was incapable of stopping me for a third time.

“He knows exactly what I'm talking about, Hannah!”

I didn't believe him for a second.

–

“So, we could play Monopoly. You owe me all that time since I haven't seen you in about a week.” Alan grinned at me, pulling the box out of the cabinet and handing it to me.

I took it from him and looked down at it with mock disgust. I had always hated Monopoly, and never got the point of it either. It was like a never ending game that required little to no skill at all. For a moment, I felt like we had nothing remotely fun to do that we hadn't done before. But a thought came to my mind before I could even let out a sigh of boredom.

I pushed the box back onto the shelf and gave the boy a devious smirk. He only stared at me, probably unsure of what to say. I watched him take in a deep breath as I stepped closer to him, looking up into his eyes. He seemed to swallow a lump in his throat, and he was so nervous I could almost classify it as cute.

“RACE YOU TO MY BUS!” I made him jump, pulling away from him suddenly and hurrying off the Of Mice & Men bus.

He was quick to follow me, and was much faster too. I looked back at him with a smile as we neared my bus, and he was right behind me. Just before I could get to the steps, he wrapped his arms around my waist and picked me up to set me behind him.

“Asshole,” I giggled, still attempting to push past him. We ended up both side-by-side on the steps, squishing our way into the bus. I let out a laugh as he fell over onto the couch, breathing heavily.

“I think that's the most exercise I've gotten since 9th grade gym class,” he put his head back but turned it toward me when I sat beside him, “So what are we doing here that we couldn't do at my bus?”

There was a hint of suggestion in his voice, and I looked at him with squinted eyes. Part of me wanted to mess with him and pretend to be totally into him. If this had been before June, I probably would have. But with everything that had been going on, I didn't want to risk getting caught, or do anything remotely intimate—even if it was a joke.

He continued to stare at me, awaiting my reply. I was about to stand up and explain, but Alex came bounding onto the bus before I could even get my ass out of the seat.

“What are you guys doing here?” He had stopped in his tracks upon seeing us. He walked further inside as he continued speaking, “Hannah, aren't you supposed to be hanging out with Justin right now?”

“Yes,” I breathed, finally getting up, “But he left randomly again. So Alan and I were going to play Twister, did you want to join?”

“I don't think I want to play, but I'll spin the thing if you want,” he answered, taking a drink from his water bottle. I smiled at him and turned back to Alan, grabbing his arm to get him to stand.

He still seemed worn out from running as I pulled him along with me to the back and he spoke breathlessly, “I'm so bad at twister, Han.”

“So am I,” I pulled the game out from one of the boxes and giggled at him, “But I'll still beat you.”

“No way, “ I saw him shake his head before I turned to lead him out into the main room to set up. I shook the mat out like a blanket and to my pleasant surprise, it actually fit on the relatively small area I was working with.

Alex was waiting on the couch for me, and I handed him the spinner once I was all set up. Alan and I both stood on opposite corners of the mat and I smirked over at him while Alex spun for the first time. He gave me a small, nervous grin just as the first direction was called out.

Like all games of twister, it was easy in the beginning and not awkward at all. But as the game went on, I got closer and closer to touching Alan in places I'd rather not, and he got closer to practically groping me. It was very uncomfortable, to say the least.

Our faces were nearly touching, and still, Alan turned to look at me and whispered, “I'm still going to beat you.”

“Right hand green,” Alex yelled out with a laugh. I didn't respond and instead groaned, knowing that Alex's laugh meant that I was going to feel even more uncomfortable after this one.

I stayed still, and didn't even get the chance to move after Alan did. He had to cross over me to put his hand down and ended up falling right on top of me. Alex continued laughing at us and I let out a small chuckle, but Alan decided not to get off of me immediately. Well, not completely.

Instead, he pulled himself up onto his hands and stared down at me with a straight face. I forced a bit more laughter, but as he moved in, I swear to god he was going to kiss me.

Why would he even try anything like that? Especially with my very protective, older brother watching. I pulled myself out from under him quickly to make sure nothing would happen and let out a breath of relief.

“So no one won then?” Alan said quietly, sitting up. He was totally blushing, too. It amazed me how boys just started liking me once I got a boyfriend, it really did.

“I did,” I answered proudly.

“No way! You fell over!” Alan whined, following my lead after I sat next to Alex on the couch.

“Correction. You knocked me over.”

“Let's play again,” Alan suggested, looking over at me with raised eyebrows and a puppy dog face, “I want to win.”

“I'd rather not be that close to your junk ever again.” I said with a smirk, and he continued to look at me sadly.

“Why are you lying, you love having your face by my junk.” It didn't even sound like he was joking, as he continued to try to sound sad.

“OKAY.” Alex said, jumping up from his seat and walking back toward the bunks. I was almost thankful for his interruption, until he decided to speak again, “I'm going to go tweet something mysterious about what I just witnessed and you guys can go back to making out or whatever you were about to do.”

I groaned, and Alan looked over at me worriedly. Biting my lip, I decided I might as well speak my mind for once and set things straight. That would have probably kept 90% of my past problems from happening, anyway.

“I hope you know that there isn't anything between us, Alan,” It actually pained me to say these things. To potentially hurt people. That killed me. “Like, I really do like Justin.”

“Right, no, I know,” He managed out with a nod. It was clearly forced and I didn't believe him for a second. “I wasn't serious, if I'm ever 'forward' or whatever I'm just joking.”

For my entire high school career, I'd wanted to be a heart breaker. I don't think I was, or at least I was never confronted with it. And so I wasn't exactly aware how much breaking hearts could break my own heart.

Still, I decided not to push the matter any further and just pretend to believe him. It would save us both a more stupidly awkward conversation.

“Oh okay, good,” I moved over to the edge of the couch to check my phone, which was sitting on the table next to us. I wished I hadn't, though, rolling my eyes the minute I caught sight of what I had missed.

There were quite a few missed calls and texts from Justin, and at the bottom of it all was a new update from the stupid gossip website. I really had to stop following that.

What could they possibly be posting about me this time?