Warped Vision

The next morning, I woke up suddenly and for a moment I had no idea where I was or what was even going on. All I heard, and what I assumed woke me up, was a group of boys chucking around me. The only laughter my half-conscious mind could make out was Austin's, but I could at least figure that the rest of the band was there too.

A pair of arms wrapped themselves around me and I finally felt the body that had been pressed up protectively against mine for a while. As soon as this happened, the group around us let out a loud, “Aww!” and by that point I had become aware of what was happening.

The noisy cooing of the boys was thankfully something that could have woken me up and was reason enough for me to open my eyes. As soon as I did, though, I wished I hadn't. The band all had their phones out and pointed at me and Alan, and Austin even had MY phone in his hands.

“Fucking Christ,” I moaned as loud as my tired voice could get, reaching up to try to snatch it away from him. He pulled back, and I ended up falling right off of the couch. Further laughter ensued, and Alan was startled awake.

“What's happening? Did somebody die?”

I ignored him, as did everyone else, and stood to my feet to finally rip my phone out of Austin's hands. It was open to the twitter app, and he was about to post a disgustingly adorable picture of me and Alan sleeping. For the entirety of my followers, which mostly consisted of Sleeping With Sirens fans, to see.

“How did you even get into my phone?” was all I could muster out despite how angry I felt.

He shrugged, “I figured it would be your birthday, so I asked Alex what it was and it worked.”

“Couldn't you have at least just made a post from YOUR OWN phone,” I groaned, nervously placing a hand to my forehead, “For fuck's sake.”

“I did, I made a vine.”

“What the fuck is a—I don't even want to know.”

“Dude, really? That's not cool.” Alan finally spoke up. He was standing next to me now, with an arm wrapped around my shoulder. I looked over to see Phil eying us with a smile, and Austin even had a sly grin on his face. Well, this was a lovely way to start my morning.

“Can we talk about what we just saw though,” Phil noted, looking from Alan, to Alan's arm that was still protectively around me, to me. He then pointed to where we had been on the couch as the others nodded, “Because that was definitely not 'just friends.'”

“Yeah,” Tino voiced, “Is there something we should know about what happened last night or...what?”

I closed my eyes and put my face in my hands, letting out a long, almost angry breath. I didn't want to deal with this and especially not when I just woke up. Barely any feelings existed for Alan yet, and now that everyone was assuming they did, I was starting to feel really shitty about having kissed him back the night before.

With just one sigh I knew that Alan was aware that the feelings were still not mutual and that made me feel much worse. I felt him shift his weight in his feet as he removed his arm from around my shoulder and I thought I even heard his voice shake as he began to respond.

“It was nothing,” he said, a hint of disappointment in his voice, “We just fell asleep watching Almost Famous. That's all.”

I lifted my head from my hands, hoping that this conversation would be over at that. But nope. Instead, I saw Austin cocking his head to the side and a smirk growing on his face. Oh god. What could he be thinking now?

“Really?” His head was still tilted as he clasped his hands together and looked toward me. That made me even more nervous and I dreaded what he had to say next. “So, Hannah, what was the movie about?”

I figured he would say that.

“I fell asleep during it, remember?” I managed.

“Just a general synopsis, you don't have to give me the end.”

I sighed, looking over to Alan. I had nothing, and he was trying to whisper the answer, but I couldn't understand a single word he was saying. Once I turned back to Austin, he didn't even give me a second to even try to respond before he let out a loud, “HA!” and pointed at us, jumping up and down.

“I knew it!” He yelled, “You guys made out last night and you tried to keep it a secret but nothing gets past me!”

I squinted my eyes at him in response, and as if on cue, Alan and I both yelled back irritatedly at him, “WE DIDN'T MAKE OUT.”

“Then why would you have to make up lies about what you were doing,” Austin crossed his arms in front of his chest and stared us down.

Again, we weren't given the chance to try to stammer our way through an explanation, as Alex bounded onto the bus before we could even open our mouths. I didn't think the morning could get any worse, but the moment I saw him, I was sure it would.

Without failing to meet my expectations, as soon as he was on the bus, Alex shouted excitedly, “IS HANNAHLAN A THING NOW? PLEASE SAY YES.” He bounced up and down just as Austin had, pulling his phone out of his pocket, “I'm not even mad that you stayed here last night without telling me because of what just showed up on my Instagram feed.”

I fought the urge to pound my head into a wall multiple times upon hearing the stupid ship name again and grabbed his phone from him before he could stop me. He had already thankfully unlocked it and I could open up Instagram with ease. As if I really wanted to see.

As soon as I saw the photo, I was sure I didn't want to see it. It was posted by Tino, and of course featured Alan and me fast asleep. The stupidest part of the picture, though, was Austin and Phil making dumb faces at us. I practically threw the phone back into Alex's hands before turning to them, annoyed.

“You took selfies? Really?”

“What? Let me see,” Alan snatched Alex's phone from him almost as soon as I had given it back, and his mouth dropped when he saw it. The boys all laughed at us even more once he let out, “What the hell!”

For what felt like the thousandth time already that day, I covered my face with my hands and let out a deep sigh. Alan was now telling me to watch what Austin had posted on Vine, but I really didn't want to. I felt kind of sick, and I couldn't help but think of how all of those Sleeping with Sirens fans could be reacting. There was no doubt in my mind that they had already seen at least one of the things that was posted.

“Hey,” I heard Alan whisper as his arm returned to its place around my shoulder. He must have noticed how stressed out I actually was – it was strange that no one else could.

Without thinking, I turned and fell into him, and he pulled me into a hug. I honestly had no clue what I was doing. I was just upset. And to make matters worse, Alex let out a squeal from behind me. I jerked my head up and felt the need to make sure no one was taking pictures again.

It was honestly disgusting how interested all of them were in what was “going on” between me and Alan.

To my pleasant surprise, not one of them had their phones out anymore. But the satisfaction I felt didn't stay very long, because as soon as I made eye contact with Austin, he decided to speak up again, “It sure doesn't seem like nothing worth mentioning happened last night.”

“I still think Hannalan is a thing,” Alex added.

“Would you stop fucking saying that god awful word?!” I finally exclaimed at him, breaking away from Alan and running a hand through my hair. I took a deep breath, “I have to go to the bathroom.”

I turned toward the back of the bus and couldn't wait to be relieved of this situation for just a minute or two. It didn't happen soon enough, though, as Alan gripped my wrist and pulled me back toward him before I could get very far. In an instant, our faces were only an inch or two apart and I was starting to get annoyed with how we gave people something to react to.

“Hey, don't do anything stupid,” He mumbled, looking at me concerned.

“Alan, I actually have to pee,” I let out with a little laugh, and as soon as I did he let go of my arm. A hint of red sprung up in his cheeks as he said a light, 'oh.' I smiled and turned back around, rushing toward the bathroom.

–

I didn't have to use the bathroom, if it wasn't obvious. But I didn't want to even try to look for anything to hurt myself with. Not after I saw the way Alan worried about it. I wasn't aware anyone outside of my family could worry about me that much.

So instead, I was forced to wait in the bathroom, for probably longer than it took to pee. I stood around, spun in circles, and creeped on what they had in there. And after a while, I just decided to listen to the conversation that was going on outside.

“Can you all just leave it alone, you're stressing her out and now you're starting to stress me out.” I faintly heard Alan whining.

“But are you sure nothing is going on between you two? It really seems like it,” One of the boys completely disregarded Alan's request.

He let out a groan, “I think I would know better than anyone.”

I could still sense the disappointment in his voice, and in a way I was surprised no one else did. Or if they DID, why they didn't ask about that. It was all so dumb.

What the fuck was I doing? I went to the bathroom to get away from the situation for a second and all I ended up doing was listening to a conversation no one had a problem with me hearing. I flushed the toilet quickly, ran my hands under the sink for a moment, and returned to the main room.

“Can we just go back to our bus?” I quickly asked Alex, slipping my shoes on and not even bothering to sit down to do so. If I really wanted to get away from the situation, I would have to actually get away from Alan. Because if I stayed, he or we would just end up doing something that would spark another conversation about last night.

“What?” Alex asked, “What's the problem?”

I didn't answer, I was already running down the steps of the bus and hoping he'd follow suit. He did, but unfortunately Alan did as well. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me closer to him again, and I was starting to get annoyed. Alex kept walking toward the bus, turning around once to smirk at us.

“Can we take the long way to your bus, I want to talk to you really quick.”

I answered with a light, “sure,” and we only walked for a few moments before he anxiously pulled me behind his bus, running his free hand threw his hair once we got there.

“What the fuck are you doing?” I asked, pulling my arm from his grip and looking around. It must have still been pretty early, because there wasn't anyone walking near the surrounding busses at all.

He struggled to find the right words for a moment, looking at me with puppy dog eyes, before he finally spoke, “I just want to know what really happened last night because you're confusing me.”

“I don't know, okay?” I let out with an irritated breath.

“What did it mean? Anything?”

“I don't know.” I looked down at my shoes, wishing I would stop kissing people I didn't want to kiss. I should have learned by now that it didn't lead to anything good.

“Does it mean I can kiss you again?” He mumbled, his voice less intense. I looked up to see him glancing at me with nervous eyes.

“Alan,” I said sternly, and he began to get anxious again.

“Okay, what's going on are we keeping a secret from everyone or what?”

“It's not really a secret when it's all over the internet, Alan,” I was still irritated, but I watched him as his face went soft again and he began to think.

It took him a minute, but he finally spoke with ease and sincerity, “If you're worried about what the Sleeping with Sirens fans or Justin will do, don't worry about it, okay? Hannah, I care about you a lot and I wouldn't let anything happen to you, even if that meant staying by your side every damn second of the day. The fans don't mean shit, and I wish you would stop worrying about what they think. You're way above them.”

I looked at him uneasily once he finished. I really didn't know what to say to that. It was seriously so weird having someone outside of my family care so much, and I wasn't sure how to comprehend it.

He stared back at me sympathetically, but not for long – his lips were soon planted on mine, and once again I was kissing back.

Seriously what the fuck was I doing.