Warped Vision

“Hannah, wake up,” a booming voice startled me as someone shook me awake. I pulled the covers over my face and groaned. Did they have to yell? My whole body ached and my head was killing me. They continued to try to get me out of bed and I rolled over to face the wall.

“If you are here to scold me, I don't want to hear it,” I moaned into the blanket, curling myself into a ball. They pulled it off from over my face, revealing that it was not Alex as I had expected, but Rian.

“What are you talking about?” He laughed, “You're only a few minutes late, get up and no one will scold you.”

“Alex didn't tell you?” I asked tiredly, looking confusedly at him through nearly-closed eyes. He gave me a similar look in response and I rolled back over, facing the wall again. “I need a mental health day,” I whined.

There was a moment of silence before Rian finally responded with an 'Alright,' and I heard his feet shuffling away from my bunk, him becoming more and more out of earshot. I was thankful I could finally be alone again, and even more thankful that I hadn't been forced to face my brother.

My relief came too soon though, as the curtain of my bunk was violently pulled open and Alex's stern eyes met my gaze. Rian had probably informed him that I was awake, and he couldn't wait to ruin my day before it had even started. Upon seeing me look back at him weakly, he actually gave me a sad smile before speaking in a whisper.

“Strike one,” was all he said, pulling the curtain shut again.

–

The day went by slowly when I was awake and quickly when I was asleep, so I spent most of my time curled up in my blankets and falling in and out of consciousness. I had no clue how I was going to face anyone ever after having embarrassed myself so much the night before. Not only had I drunk so impulsively, but I let the alcohol get the best of me and ended up looking like a hot mess. Or maybe just a mess.

And I hoped that I'd never have to face them. I knew I'd have to sooner or later, of course, but it would have to be later. There were plenty of other bands on this tour who hadn't seen me intoxicated, so it would probably be pretty easy to avoid Pierce the Veil altogether. The only problem was that I couldn't avoid my brother, who would want to talk about the whole situation eventually. I shuddered at the thought.

“Hannah?” a voice asked quietly, causing me to forget all about my fears for a moment. I peaked my head out from behind the curtain and saw the person I'd least expected to and wanted to see: Tony.

“Hi,” I murmured, pulling my head back inside. He opened the curtain slowly, looking down at me with a frown on his face. I covered my face with my hands, the light feeling blinding to me.

“I'm sorry about last night,” He spoke softly. I pretended that he was sorry for being all over another girl when all I wanted was for him to notice me in a different way, but I knew what he was really talking about. “I should have listened to Vic.”

“It's fine,” I said through my hands. It was all my fault anyway, I didn't know why he was apologizing.

“So...do you want to hang out or something?” he asked with hope. He looked at me with a face that I couldn't bear to say no to. Well, actually, I probably couldn't say no regardless of what face he gave me.

I looked up at him and nodded, sliding out of my bunk for what felt like the first time in an eternity. As I was made my way to the front room, he stopped me and my stomach felt like it always did with him. I turned toward him expectantly, but he merely handed me a Styrofoam cup with a smile on his face.

“It helps cure hangovers,” he said, “sort of an apology gift if you must.”

I smiled back at him, taking a drink of what I found to be a smoothie, and made my way to the couch. We sat there in comfortable silence for a moment and I sipped my smoothie quietly, finding that it really was beginning to help my headache. After a moment, I cleared my throat and began to speak, “Remember when you were trying to teach me how to play guitar?”

“Yeah?” He chuckled a bit to himself.

“You never finished teaching me,” I laughed with him and he turned to me, pretending to be annoyed.

“Okay, it's not like I taught you anything in the first place. You rarely paid any attention and always brought up something irrelevant!”

We continued to laugh with each other, “Well excuse me for being a teenager with the attention span of a goldfish and wishing I could be good at something without having to tr--”

“Oh my god,” he interrupted me, unable to control his laughter at this point, “Remember when we all went out to the pool and you and I dumped half of Vic and Mike's aquarium in?”

“Holy shit, yes. And they forced us to jump in and get all of them. We were in there for practically the entire day. Those were such fun times.”

We both sighed and Tony turned to look at me, “But hey, this tour is going to be fun too. As long as we don't get alcohol involved again.”

“Yeah,” I was still giggling a bit, “I don't think that's going to happen, definitely not on Alex's watch.”

As if the sound of his name summoned him, Alex stepped onto the bus and looked at both of us, obviously not nearly as amused as we were. I prepared for the worst, looking down at my lap, and heard him close the door behind him. Yep, I was definitely in a lot of trouble.

“Good, now that you're awake we can talk about what the fuck happened last night.” He got right to the point. Tony stood up to leave, but he held his hand out to stop him, “No, no, you can stay and chat too, since you clearly were involved.”

“Alex, just let him go, he had nothing to do with it,” I said quietly, “He tried to get me not to, but I did anyway.”

Tony looked at me with a bit of confusion, but mostly thanks, which I returned with a shrug. Alex evidently didn't buy what I was saying, but opened the door anyway, letting the boy out. He immediately bolted through the door and as soon as he was gone, it was slammed shut again.

“So tell me, Hannah, what was the first thing I said to you before you left to go to their bus yesterday?” I stayed silent, feeling both annoyed and ashamed. He continued to press into me, “Really, tell me so I know I wasn't dreaming and actually said it.”

“No drinking,” I murmured.

“What was that?”

“No fucking drinking.” I rolled my eyes.

He began pacing, “And what did you do?”

“Drink.”

“Exactly, you deliberately disobeyed me,” He put his head into his hands, letting out a sigh, “I thought I could trust you not to drink with them, but I guess not.”

“It was one--”

He lifted his head up again to look at me sadly, sitting beside me and taking the place where Tony had been. “I know it was one time, which is why I said it was strike one. Two more troublesome events and I'll probably have to hire a babysitter.”

I looked at him in utter disbelief. He was being so stupid and so protective that part of me wished he didn't care at all. “Alex, I'm 18 years old, you can't do that. In fact, you can't even tell me what to do.”

He stayed silent for a moment, letting out a breath and shaking his head, “Yeah, you're an adult, but I expect you to listen to me out of respect. You're still not old enough to drink, you know.”

The whole respect thing got to me and I hugged him from the side, resting my head on his shoulder, “I'm sorry.” I didn't even like the feeling of being drunk, and I especially didn't like the feeling that came after. I didn't have to worry about having a “baby sitter” or upsetting Alex again, as I wouldn't drink again. It was as simple as that.

He turned to hug me as well. “Apology accepted,” he said, his voice muffled while he kissed to top of my head and stroked my hair. “Now, are you feeling any better?”

I nodded. “Enough to see our set?” I began shaking my head 'no' and curled up into a ball on the couch. He pat my foot and stood up to get me a glass of water, which I gratefully accepted.

Only minutes after Alex left to go play, there was a knock at the door. I hurried to open it with hopes that it would be Tony again, but instead it was Vic. I wanted to hide my face in shame.

“Hello Victoria,” I turned around and padded to where I had previously been sitting, and he took a seat right beside me with a light laugh. My feet were soon propped up on his lap and I slid my hands down my face, pulling my cheeks down and biting my lip.

“Are you okay?” He asked, but why did he even bother? Deep down we both knew that I wasn't. At all.

I didn't even try to answer, since I knew it would just lead to me crying to him like I had already done the night before. Since we were going to get to it eventually, I didn't beat around the bush. “Does Tony like me? Even in the slightest bit?”

He didn't even have to say a word and I had the answer, just based on the pitying look on his face. “I'm sorry, Hannah, but I don't think--” I didn't want to hear it, so I turned over and buried my face into a pillow. He grabbed my shoulder in an attempt to see my face again, but I resisted.

“I could be wrong, you know,” He said softly, “You're older now and you've grown significantly. Just be patient.”

That's the thing that I hate about feelings. You can never try to forget about your own because you always tell yourself to be patient, that the level of comfort you feel with them is a bit higher than the one they have with you, and takes time to catch up. But without the initial spark that happens often between people (one I hadn't experienced myself), everyone knew it was hard to get something going. I was tired of being patient, I wanted something to happen already.

“You'll find someone,” Vic seemed to read my mind, “It might not be Tony, but I promise you, someone will give you the love that you crave.”

–

A week or so passed, and there was still no progress at all with Tony, as I had expected. My days consisted of watching shows and hanging out with Pierce the Veil, and although Tony and I still proved to be best friends despite the time we'd been apart, I couldn't help but continue to be unsatisfied with our relationship.

I'd gone to Rian, Alex, and Vic to vent about the subject almost daily, and all three of them seemed to say the same thing: distance myself from him. But how was I supposed to do that? And wasn't that the same thing as saying 'Distract yourself from him?' which I had attempted to do so many times in the past?

I continued to try, but proved to be anything but victorious. That is, until one night before an off-day, when I was watching Pierce the Veil's set for the billionth time, and Justin came up beside me like he had each of those billion times. Every time he did this, I felt as awkward as I had the first time, and this day was no different.

However, it was different in what he said. This time, he decided to work up the courage to ask me out on a date for the next day. I really didn't want to, since I was so awkward with him and I felt like I really didn't know him well enough to give him the idea that I felt the same way in return, but I accepted anyway. If it was going to distract me from Tony, then I might as well try. And plus, I knew everyone would have urged me to say yes if they were there.

I had no clue what I was getting into, but in a way, I was taking Vic, Alex, and Rian's advice. He couldn't be that bad.