Warped Vision

After Justin and I had parted ways, the good butterflies in my stomach set in. I felt almost nervous walking to the Pierce the Veil bus, and wondered why exactly Tony wanted to see me. Of course, I thought of the extreme possibilities, when he probably just wanted to hang out. I really needed to stop getting my hopes up.

I mean, I just kissed the bassist of my favorite band, and here I was, still lusting after Tony. Wasn't Justin supposed to distract me? All he really did was make me feel a bit worse. Why could I attract him, yet not Tony? What was I doing wrong?

I pushed these thoughts out of my mind as best I could as I stepped onto their bus. Tony spotted me almost immediately and greeted me with one of his famous, adorable smiles. I felt myself dying inside once again.

“Hey pretty,” he said, engulfing me in a hug.

I sighed into his chest, “Hey, Tone.”

The rest of the band greeted me almost unenthusiastically, probably feeling the same as me as Tony wrapped his arm around my shoulder. Part of me wanted to cry, yet another part of me thought I should just be thankful he was even talking to me.

But why did he have to act the way he did toward me? It was like he was flirting, but then nothing ever happened. He would treat me like I was more important than just a friend, but then like I wasn't important at all. Why couldn't he get his shit together and make a decision already? His bipolar treatment really took a toll on me, but it seemed like he had no clue what he was even doing.

“I feel like I haven't seen you in forever,” he inched us toward the door, “Do you want to go for a walk or something?”

I almost said no, but the way he was looking at me changed my mind. There was a sense of longing in his eyes, and I couldn't say no to that. I cleared my throat, faking excitement, “Yeah, totally!”

“So how was last night?” He asked once we had stepped off the bus and started weaving through all of the others. Of course that had to be the first thing we talked about; he got right to the point. But that was the last topic I wanted to discuss with him.

“It was alright,” I responded, looking up and giving him a small smile. He looked uneasy.

“So are you guys like, a thing now or something?”

We both slowed down our pace a bit and I looked at him curiously as a lump formed in my throat. Had he actually seen us kiss? Wait, that kiss hadn't actually meant that we were, in fact, a “thing,” did it? I watched my shoes as I walked, trying to process this all and come up with an answer.

“I don't know,” I said truthfully after a moment.

Tony turned to me, confused and distraught, running a hand through his hair. He stopped dead in his tracks and I followed suit, giving him a similar look in response. “I just don't think it's a good idea,” he muttered.

“What?” I screeched. It was one thing to inadvertently flirt and stuff, but another to disapprove of my...boyfriend...I guess. It was either he liked me or he didn't. He couldn't keep me from dating other guys just because he was unsure of his own feelings. I felt like raging on him, but instead I took a deep breath and turned away after a breathy “Why not?”

“I just don't think he's good for you, alright?” I could tell he was getting frustrated, and so was I. This wasn't supposed to be that big of a deal though. Tony wasn't supposed to care or intervene, because he didn't like me. But did he? At this point, I wasn't even sure.

“And who is?” I let out, exasperated. He opened his mouth to speak, but I cut him off, hoping to settle things and possibly end the conversation happily, “You?!”

He closed his mouth now and ruffled his eyebrows, his eyes shining and looking almost concerned. We stared at each other in silence, still tense, and I wished he would have kissed me right there. But everything was all mixed up. Instead, he did what I had wanted Justin to do, turning around and walking back to his bus. He motioned for me to follow him.

I honestly didn't know how to feel. It was better than him flat-out not paying attention to me at all, but why did he have to make everything so complicated? The confusion I had about his feelings toward me was beginning to give me a headache. It was was best that I looked at it positively, though, I guess.

Yet, I couldn't help but have to stifle a groan as we entered the Pierce the Veil bus again and I sat beside Vic, who was eying me inquisitively. The rest of the boys were too, so I closed my eyes and tilted my head back, taking in a deep breath and letting it out. Becoming even more stressed never entered my thoughts until the second breath I took was polluted with smoke.

Opening my eyes, I turned to notice that Tony had lit a cigarette beside me. He took a few hits and then passed it across from him to Mike, who did the same and passed it along. Vic decided not to participate, and we both hesitated as it was about to get to me.

“You're 18, right?” I nodded and he handed it to me with a powerless sigh. A few of my friends back in Maryland had smoked from time to time, and often raved about it to me. I had never been intrigued by their excitement back then, often too disgusted with the thought of smoke entering my lungs to come up with any possible benefits of it. Considering it now, though, it seemed desirable.

Apparently, smoking calms you down and gets rid of your worries. It mellows you out and helps to make you content, at least momentarily. The thought of that seemed nice, especially with the various thoughts of the unwanted relationship I had put myself in and the wanted one I failed to be in running through my mind. In a way, I needed it.

I was about to take my first drag when I heard a familiar sound of footsteps bounding up the stairs of the bus. Alex appeared a few yards away and I felt everyone on the bus hold their breath at the sight. However, he seemed to not really be paying any attention, “Did Hannah ever show up? I told her you were--”

He finally noticed me, taking in the sight of the cigarette in hand, and soon his expression turned from easy-going and relaxed, to strict and angry. I slowly handed the blunt back to Tony, never lifting my worried gaze from Alex's glare.

After it was out of my hands, he didn't speak a single word. Instead, he grabbed me by the arm and tugged me out of the bus before I was even aware of what was going on. He had to catch me in the act, again. The fact that I couldn't get away with anything on this tour reminded me why I was always following directions back at home and didn't have any fun. Why did I even bother leaving my bunk?

He pulled me all the way to our own bus, and Jack and Rian looked up from their lunch, concerned. Alex finally let go of me and he only had to say two words to let them know what was going on, “Strike two.”

His friends continued to look on in disbelief, and Alex was more angry than I had ever seen him. Tears formed at the corners of my eyes. “I didn't even do anything,” I choked out, following him as he angrily stomped toward the bunks.

“You were about to!” He called back to me.

“You can't fucking prove that.”

He disregarded what I said entirely, turning around and resting an arm against the wall and crossing one leg in front of the other. His eyes were closed for a moment and he inhaled sharply, “I let you go on the god damned bus of a boy who is known to be quick to have sexual relations with girls because I trusted you. This is how you fucking repay me?”

“Alex, I'm sorry.”

“Forget it,” he shook his head, rolling his eyes, “You're staying on the bus tonight with Flyzik, I don't even want to think about worrying what you're doing.”

–

“Matt, can I go and get something to eat?” I peered up at him from the couch, curled up in a ball. I had been sitting in the lounge with the manager for hours, and he hadn't moved from behind his laptop in that entire time. It was probably the most boring experience of my life.

He looked over the top of the computer at me knowingly, “There's food in the fridge.”

“I mean out in the venue,” I whined.

“Fridge.”

I stood up unwillingly and glared at him, trudging my way to the front of the bus. Upon looking in the fridge, it was clear that the boys did not do very much shopping. All I found was more than enough alcohol to kill me and watermelon that would probably rupture my stomach if I ate it.

“FLYZIK,” I called back to him, “There is literally nothing in here that would not cause me to kill myself!”

The sound of his angry footsteps soon echoed about the bus after I heard him slam his laptop shut. He quickly appeared before me, looking very annoyed. I crossed my arms about my chest and rolled my eyes as he whipped the mini fridge open and gave it a once over.

After a moment, he sighed, closing it and pulling out his phone from his back pocket. There was a few minutes of silence until he finally said something, “Your brother says it's fine, but if he sees you outside of the catering tent he'll kick your ass.”

“Whatever,” I said quietly, going to the bunks and rummaging through one of Rian's bags. I pulled out a tanktop of a band I'd never heard of and put it on, along with pulling my hair up into a bun and grabbing sunglasses. I wasn't planning on doing anything but get food, but it never hurt to be prepared. I wouldn't go backstage at all, and if Alex saw me in the venue, I'd be just another face in the crowd.

–

Although I hadn't been on the bus for very long, leaving it made me feel more free than I had ever been. I made it to the catering tent quickly, only stopping once to say hello to someone of the various bands my brother associated with.

I suddenly realized how hungry I really was once the aroma of the tent filled my nose. That day, they were having lasagna and garlic bread, and I could barely keep myself from running to the volunteers and taking everything they had to offer. As quickly as I had entered the tent, though, my excitement was put to rest.

“You're not supposed to be in here, bands and crew only,” a volunteer said to me, sounding almost sassy. I looked down on my chest and sighed; I must have forgotten my pass back on the bus. It wasn't that big of a deal, but before I could even think of wasting another few minutes returning to get my pass, a familiar red head spoke up beside me.

“She's with me,” he said simply, handing a plate to me with a smile.

I gave him a small grin in response, confused. The volunteer looked irritatedly at me as she put some food on my plate. “You're lucky he's nice,” was all she said to me.

I rolled my eyes and sighed again, moving forward in line with the boy. Once we had gotten everything we wanted, we maneuvered through the tables to an empty one and I sat beside him.

“Thanks,” I murmured into my food. I looked up to see him stuffing his face as well, and he smiled again at me through a full mouth.

“No problem,” he voiced once he had swallowed. He continued to talk, but I began to focus on the conversations around me, having recognized voices. It seemed to be Tony and Justin, talking...together.

“I wanted to talk to you about Hannah,” I heard one voice say and held my breath. It was definitely Tony. I lifted my hand up to the back of my head, making sure my bun was still in place, and then to my face to secure my sunglasses. Hopefully my brown hair was indistinguishable from other girls on tour.

“What about her?” Justin asked snidely in response. I heard the sound of chairs scraping against the ground and their voices became even more distinct. They were sitting right behind me.

“I swear to God if you hurt her, I'll--”

“Who says I'm going to hurt her?”

“We all saw how you treated your last girlfriend, Justin. I just wanted to make sure it wouldn't happen again. Especially to Hannah.”

“Look, I like her. I treat her with respect. I--”

“You kissed her on the first date. That shows something.”

“If we have sex, we have sex. That's all I'm saying.”

I felt my stomach weaken at the thought and didn't even attempt to take another bite of lasagna. As I pushed my plate forward a bit on the table, I noticed the red head beside me give me a look of worry. I ignored it though, focusing down at my hands and continuing to pay attention to the conversation.

“You wouldn't dare get more than friendly with her.”

“I already have.”

“If I find out that you take advantage of her, you're going straight to hell.”

“Fine by me, at least I would have fucked--”

I clasped my hands over my ears, unable to hear anymore of their conversation. If I heard any more, I was sure I was going to puke. The boy who had been so generous continued to show me the flawlessness of his character, taking my plate and throwing it away for me, clearly noticing how uneasy I felt. I quickly, just above a whisper, said my thanks and goodbyes and was soon out the tent.

The whole thing was nerve-wracking. On top of Justin talking so openly about sleeping with me, Tony was getting way too involved. This was definitely going to be a long tour.