Someone Like You

After sitting on the floor cursing at himself for a while, Frank pushed himself up and began to shuffle through the crowd towards the entrance so he could leave. The band were still playing, but he wasn't really feeling it anymore. He had fucked up big time with Gerard, and now he just wanted to go home and get even more shitfaced that he already was, which was certainly saying something seems as he already couldn't walk straight and the whole room was swaying side to side.

Frank finally managed to stumble out of the bar and into the cool night air where he took in a deep breath. He briefly glanced around and he was about to start walking away when he noticed that Gerard was, in fact, sitting on the curb in front of the bar with his arms wrapped tightly around his legs and his chin resting on his knees. Frank debated just pretending he hadn't seen the older boy to avoid the embarrassment of talking to him again, but decided that was just stupid seems as he had been so upset about losing him before. Trying to find the confidence he usually possessed when he was drunk, Frank shuffled over to the curb and flopped down directly next to Gerard.

Gerard didn't even glance at the other boy. Frank took out his pack of cigarettes from his pocket and lit one up using a lighter. He took in a deep breath of the piousness fumes and then took the stick out of his mouth and handed it to Gerard without breathing out. Gerard didn't take the stick but instead simply glanced at it out of the corner of his eye suspiciously as though it would kill him instantly the moment it even just touched him. "I don't smoke," he mumbled, looking away. The truth was that he was rather tempted by the idea now. He had seen the way Frank instantly loosened his shoulders and visually relaxed as the smoke filled his lungs and he desperately wanted something that would do that for him to rid him of the strong feelings of awkwardness, embarrassment and regret that currently consumed him.
"Just try it," Frank nudged, breathing the smoke out slowly as he spoke, "It really helps."

Gerard lost the motivation to argue any further and figured he'd already had two lapses in judgment tonight with the alcohol and the almost sex, how could a third hurt all that much? He took the cigarette and put it between his own lips, where he breathed in. The smoke instantly burned and he ended up coughing and choking on the street as his eyes began to water slightly. During his fit he had dropped the stick into a small puddle on the ground, and so Frank lit up another, this time for himself only, and put it in his own mouth as he chuckled slightly. "How... the fuck... would that... help?" Gerard gasped between breaths once he was actually able to.
"Okay, so maybe it wouldn’t help if you've never smoked before," Frank admitted, "But it was worth a shot."
"Really? I'm not sure that’s worth anything," Gerard grumbled as he continued to cough, although not as bad as before.

They were both silent again for a while, neither knowing quite not to say. Eventually both said at almost exactly the same time, "I'm sorry." Both glanced at each other out of the corner of their eye, confused.
“Wait,” Frank asked, “Why are you sorry?”
“Because,” Gerard shrugged slowly, “I like came onto you and all that shit, when I like, kinda really shouldn’t have.” The alcohol was still running through his system, and while he had regained most control over himself, his words were still coming out slowly due to the lag between the brain actually instructing the body, and the body actually doing it. “Why’re you sorry?”
“Because… I should never have gotten you drunk in the first place. It was obviously something you weren’t happy doing.”
“S’alright… I mean, like, it was nice to have a bit of fun for once, even if it didn’t particularly end well.”

After that it didn’t seem there were any more words that needed to be said. It wasn’t quiet, due to the loud noise radiating from the club just behind them, but it wasn’t exactly loud either. Frank continued to smoke his cigarette until it burned down to the end, and then he threw it to the ground. He then pushed himself up off the curb, although he staggered a little once he was standing due to the heavy amounts of alcohol running through his system, and then he stood still until he was balanced, even though he was still swaying.

“C’mon,” he said, tapping Gerard’s shoulder to get his attention.
“Where are we going?” the older boy asked. He had been so sure that after the previous disaster this would be the end of any kind of friendship let alone relationship they may have had.
“I know a diner just down the street from here. The food sucks, but when it’s late and you’re absolutely fucking wasted it’s the best goddamn food you’ll ever eat.” Frank was already beginning to walk away, and, after taking a moment to think things through despite that being pretty much impossible thanks to his brain that couldn’t seem to handle a single hint of alcohol, Gerard quickly stumbled to catch up.

No words were exchanged as they walked to the diner. It wasn’t anything special, as they saw when they arrived. There was a broken neon light trying desperately to flash outside and the windows were murky with dirt, although you were still able to see inside, only to see that it was completely empty. When they entered, Gerard noticed the door knock a bell, which should have signaled their arrival, however the bell seemed to be broken and so the deathly silence of the building remained uninterrupted.

Frank swayed over to one of the booths, and Gerard followed and sat down opposite him. The waitress, a woman who looked like she was in her late fifties and would rather be anywhere else, seemed to appear out of no where and took both their orders. Frank ordered a full-blown veggie burger meal, whilst Gerard settled with a small fries. He was worried what food would do if it was mixed in with everything else he had in his body. The food arrived quickly, although apparently still frozen. It didn’t bother Frank who dived straight in without waiting for a second. Gerard however, was used to a lot better, despite being a student, and so he simply picked at his frozen fries and tried to think of what he could possibly eat when he got home and what he might be able to do to ensure that his hangover in the morning was as painless as possible. There was a chance that Ray had something to give him that could help him, although he would probably be long asleep by the time Gerard got back to the house.

Gerard was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t notice when Frank had stopped eating. “I’m sorry,” Frank mumbled again. Gerard’s head snapped up to look at him, and the older boys eyebrows furrowed when he saw the look of disheartenment on the younger boys face.
“What for?” Gerard asked, leaning forward slightly and unintentionally due to how worried he was.
“I’m such a fucking disappointment.” Frank slouched down further in his seat as he pushed the food in front of him away. Gerard’s heart was breaking at the sight of seeing so much self hatred in the beautiful person in front of him. He may have not been quite what Gerard had expected, but he was still a good person. Although could Gerard really say that when not long ago he had been thinking about Frank as one of those dirty people who Gerard himself looked down upon because they fucked random strangers in bar bathrooms. He was just being hypocritical, but he couldn’t help it.
“You’re not a diss–“
“YES I FUCKING AM,” he yelled, clearly getting emotional. Thankfully there were still no other people in the diner, and so Frank making a scene wasn’t embarrassing Gerard as much as it would have. “I didn’t used to be, y’know,” Frank grumbled, picking at the edge of the table, “I used to actually be pretty much set for life… but I had to go fuck it up, didn’t I?” Gerard couldn’t help but moan internally under the realization that Frank was one of those emotional drunks who told you their life sob story as soon as they got the chance, but then instantly felt guilty for it.

Frank leaned up again so his arms were crossed and resting on the table and he was looking at Gerard. “I know you think I’m nothing but a loser, and an idiot, and that you’re thinking less about me and more about what you’re going to do when you finally get to go home.” Gerard was about to deny it, but instead stayed quiet when he realized that actually, as much as he hated to admit it, it was true. “I mean, you’re in college. You’re getting a degree, or some shit, I dunno… but, before you leave me tonight and promise yourself to always avoid me from now on, I would just like to defend my case that I’m not that fucking bad, okay? Like, I’m still a disappointment, but I’m not that bad, okay?” Gerard nodded when he realized Frank wanted an actual answer. “Right, like, here it is, okay? I, am a fucking idiot. But not in the sense of like, oh yeah I got shit grades at school lol, because no, I mean I got a fucking literature scholarship for fucks sake. I am a fucking idiot, because I dropped out of my college, which was a completely free ride by the way, so that I could be in a band. A shit band at that. I gave up an entire future, years ago too, so that I could work day in, day out at a shitty little coffee shop and play in my shitty little band, all because I thought that I was the fucking bees knees or some shit. Which, by the way, is a truly awful expression. You may think that I am not even vaguely right for you because I can barely hold up a conversation, but I think that if, like, we really focused on talking instead of doing stuff, like, if we were sober and shit, then we would actually get along okay… well, yeah, that’s it.”

Gerard didn’t say anything at first, because he was, truth be told, a little surprised. Frank with the tattoos and the facial piercings, didn’t exactly strike you as the type of kid to get given a scholarship. And a literature scholarship, too? Gerard had heard that they were pretty hard to get. All this information brought to light just how judgmental Gerard really had been being on Frank, and it made him feel incredibly guilty. He had only looked at the stereotype of Frank as soon as he first realized just how mixed up with alcohol, clubs and drugs Frank really was, and now he was realized how wrong that entire image had been. The only reason Frank was the way he was, was because he had tried to chase his dreams, and was bitter about the fact that he wasn’t able to catch them.

Frank was staring at Gerard, trying to commit as many features to memory as he could before the beautiful man walked away from him forever. He loved the way Gerard’s hair which came down to just below his ears, still slightly sweaty from earlier, fell over his face in strands, slightly covering his eyes, and he loved the way that Gerard’s smile was slightly crooked, but beautiful all the same. Honestly he could sit there for hours listing all the things he already loved about Gerard, but he didn’t have hours. He predicted he had minutes at best.

After spending a while trying to figure out something to say, Gerard settled for saying, “Well, there’s still hope.” He knew it was a shit thing to reply, but he didn’t want to go just yet; not anymore. He wanted to know what else he had been wrong about.
“Hope for what?” Frank snorted.
“Well, you never know. Your band is still getting shows and stuff, so people obviously like you! You could get signed any day now! I mean, I thought you were fucking awesome.”
“I appreciate your enthusiasm, Gerard,” Frank said as he leant forward, “But I think you and I both know its not going to happen.” Gerard could see that his false hope wasn’t doing anything to help Frank, so he gave up.

Neither of them were doing anything for a while, before Frank started to go very green all of a sudden. Gerard was confused at first, but then when he realized what was happening he exclaimed loudly, “Oh shit!” He burst out of his seat and helped Frank up as quickly as he could before rushing him to the bathroom. They made it just in time and had barely gotten into a cubicle before Frank started to throw up into the toilet.

Gerard stayed with Frank the entire time, getting a weird sense of deja vu of similar situations he’d been in with his younger brother Mikey, when he had come in from parties during high school, very happy and very drunk, resulting in him being very sick. Gerard hadn’t minded all that much though, because at least Mikey had a social life, which was a billion times better than the shit he had been put through during high school. Gerard briefly wondered, as he stroked Franks back soothingly whilst he continued to throw up into the toilet, who was looking after his little brother now when he came home late and drunk. Whoever they were, they better be fucking good to him.

Eventually Frank finished and slumped back against the wall where he looked at Gerard from behind drooping eyes. “m’ tir’d,” Frank mumbled drowsily, barely even understandable.
“C’mon,” Gerard hauled Frank to his feet and kept the younger boys arm around his neck as he led him out of the diner, “Lets get you home.”