I Don't Mind If You're Overrated

The quad was easy to find. It was, as I had suspected, the big field in the middle of everything. I spotted Matty and Kellin standing in the shade of a tree, talking. Most people out here were trying to find shade, considering it was already bordering on hot, and it was only March. I guess this was normal for Florida, though. As I neared my friends, I saw Matty clutching a piece of paper, waving it around and talking excitedly. Kellin looked bored, occasionally nodding and glancing up from his phone.

“Hey, Vic!” Matty greeted me. I smiled in return. I felt my phone buzz and I pulled it out.

From Kellin: You do not want to hear this. Trust me. Play along.

I gave him a slight nod when Matty wasn’t looking.

“So, Starbucks, anyone?” The ginger asked excitedly, even more bubbly than he had initially seemed. He was so happy that it made me cringe.

“Actually, I have a music theory test tomorrow, and Vic is going to help me study.” Kellin said casually. I was a little taken aback at how easily he lied through his teeth. Matty wrinkled his nose, not noticing anything wrong.

“Ew, on second though, I’ll skype Brittany. I’ll see you at dinner?” He asked. Kellin just nodded, another lie, waving at Matty flounced away happily.

“Do you want to explain that whole thing to me?” I asked once the ginger was out of earshot.

“Matty got a letter from his girlfriend, Brittany. He’s obsessed, lemme tell you. We would have never heard the end of it.” Kellin said, rolling his eyes. I shrugged, figuring I didn’t really want to know the details. “So, Starbucks time?” He asked, changing the subject. He looked at me and smiled, the light catching his big blue eyes in a way that made me gasp. They looked like ice over lake. I nodded, swallowing back the rush of feelings. He linked our arms together for the short walk to the coffee shop.

There was no doubt that Kellin could make my heart flutter, but he was definitely hiding something. I never knew what to expect from him, and I was even uneasier now that I had seen the way he lied. There was an odd air about him that I’d detected after knowing him for less than 24 hours. But then again, I was hiding something, too. The only reason I knew we had different problems was by the fact he wore short sleeves, not bothering to cover his wrists. I don’t think I’d ever be able to do that again.

We ordered our drinks and sat quietly. I wasn’t a big talker, and it seemed as if Kellin was very picky about when he spoke. But eventually, he started a conversation.

“So, Vic, do you play any music?” He asked, looking right at me. I shrugged.

“Guitar, that’s all.” I told him. I was self conscious of my normal voice, let alone my singing voice. No one had ever heard me sing, except Mike.

“I sing and I can do a little screaming. I’m pretty hopeless at instruments, though.” He said. I was confused as to how someone with such a high, delicate voice could scream.

“Screaming? I’ll have to hear that for myself to believe it.” I joked, blushing as I realized how that could of come off. He seemed to have missed the unintended innuendo, simply rolling his eyes and giving me a crooked half-smile.

“I know, I sound like a girl. But honestly, I can!” His voice went even higher as he defended himself, which made me giggle. He pulled out his iPhone and untangled the earbuds. “This was me, Jesse, Gabe, and two other guys Justin and Jack. We had a kind of band last year. Justin left though, and Jack graduated.” He explained as he handed me one of the headphones. “We would go out to the Music Resource Center at night and practice. One day we recorded this.” He hit play and I glanced at the screen. The song was called With Ears to See and Eyes to Hear, and it really was amazing. Kellin could actually scream.

“Kellin, this is really good.” I told him truthfully. A light pink blush spread across his porcelain cheeks.

“Thanks! I’ve never actually shown it to anyone. I’m pretty sure Jenna’s heard it through Jesse, though. She sings, by the way. She’s amazing.” He said in between sips of his latte. Wow, so many talented people. I was beginning to realize that music was what brought all of these guys together.

“What about Matty?” I asked curiously. Kellin nodded.

“We’re pretty similar. He sings and screams, not as high pitched, though. You know, even though I can’t stand the Brittany talk, he’s my best friend.” Kellin explained. I felt like I had found the right group of people, which I was infinitely grateful for. Kellin and I kept talking, and we both eventually started to come out of our shells. We were laughing and gossiping about the people at our school. Well, he was gossiping, I was listening. The weird feelings I had had about him began to disappear. After about an hour, we got up to leave.

“So, where do you want to go on our dinner date?” Kellin asked playfully, throwing his arm around my shoulders. I was beginning to feel as if the shy persona he had given off when we first met had been a lie. I just shrugged.

“You’re the expert here! You pick!” I said.

“Do you want to go to the pool, or go back to the lounge?”

“Lounge. Let’s watch TV.” I decided quickly. Kellin removed his arm from my shoulders, which I found myself slightly disappointed about, and took his phone out to presumably text Jesse or someone.

We made our way back to the buildings and up to the boy’s lounge. We settled on How I Met Your Mother, which was my favorite show. I guess I was a little nervous, but nothing ended up happening. We just watched the show, our knees touching slightly. Hell, what was I getting so worked up about? He probably wasn’t even gay. He could definitely get any girl he wanted. He hugged me goodnight when we went back to our rooms, but that was it. And that’s nothing, right? I shrugged it off, wanting to get some sleep, but I couldn’t.

I sat up on my bed, blasting my music through my headphones and running my fingers over my wrists. The raised lines made me think of San Diego, Mike, and my old friends Tony and Jaime. I wondered how they were doing. I remembered the time when I had hidden everything. The time when I had pleased everyone, and things were fine. I felt a sudden rush of anger at my parents. If they wee going to be so ashamed, how come they hadn’t just let me die?

I didn’t even notice how hard my fingernails were pressing into my wrists until the crescent shaped marks began to bleed. I wiped it off; it was nothing. It just made me feel stupid.

Jesse didn’t get back until around nine, even though dinner had ended two and a half hours ago. He had probably been out with Jenna. When he walked in, I was writing some lyrics for a song I was thinking of calling Bulls In The Bronx.

“Dude, where did you and Kellin go?” He asked as he set down his things. I shrugged.

“Starbucks. Watched TV.” I answered, still focused on my song. Jesse laughed.

“I feel like he’s stoked to finally have someone he can get with in this school.” He said casually. This caught my attention enough for me to look up from my lyrics.

“Huh?”

“Dude, Kellin is a flaming homo. Is your gaydar broken or something?” He asked incredulously, starting to change into his pajamas. I laughed, the sound coming out nervous.

“Yeah, I guess it is. Kellin is… interesting.” I knew it was a filler word, but I had nothing better. I still didn’t know how I felt about Kellin, so I was going to watch what I said.

“Whatever, man. You guys can get together or not, but just know, you’re each others’ only options!” Jesse teased in a half joking tone. I let that sink in. we didn’t talk much more that night, seeing as he had a big test tomorrow. We shut off the light around 10:30, and I fell into deep, troubled thoughts, all regarding Kellin.