I Don't Mind If You're Overrated

The next three weeks passed in the same fashion. Kellin and I hung out more than anyone, skipping meals and occasionally classes together. I’m sure a lot of people thought we were fucking, but all we had shared were innocent hugs and handholding. He was the queen of mixed signals, though. Some days would be filled with flirtatious glances, hugs, and handholding, while other days there were simply minimal words exchanged. We were always hanging out, the difference was whether Kellin stayed silent or not. Surprisingly, it was never awkward. I was beginning to accept the fact that he was just like this.

Kellin also ate even less than me. I would have an apple or an orange at lunch to please Jesse, and occasionally a salad at dinner. I had been slightly overweight as a child, and watching what I ate had turned into an obsession from a young age. I had never considered myself truly anorexic, but I believed that Kellin was. I’d only seen him eat once a single time since I’d been here. He did seem to drink his weight in coffee, though. But since he hadn’t asked about my evident issues, I wasn’t going to pry at his.

Classes were going well also. I liked music theory the best, and not just because of Kellin, although he was a large part of it. The other classes had been harder to jump into, considering I had missed three quarters of the year, but. It was almost spring break, and needless to say, I wouldn’t be going home. All my friends were leaving tomorrow, except for Kellin. The thought of spending nine days with only him gave me butterflies. Everyone would be heading out around noon, and starting then, the fifteen or so kids that were staying would have a relatively free run of the campus.

We were all having dinner together tonight. Usually it was only three or four of us, someone having a date, or a test the next day, or sports practice, something to keep them away. Kellin and I had decided to eat. We had discussed it earlier today. It was the first time either of us had talked about our eating habits, or lack thereof.

“Let’s eat today?” Kellin had asked out of the blue in music class. I had just shrugged and nodded, and we had dropped the subject.

So here we sat at our regular table. Everyone else’s plates were piled with burgers and fries, while Kellin and I had delicate salads. His didn’t even have dressing on it. He lifted his fork tentatively, staring straight at me. He chewed the lettuce slowly, looking distressed. I didn’t want him to be uncomfortable, so I tried to hurry. The rest of our friends talked about their plans for break. Gabe and Matty were seniors, so they were both going on the annual beach trip. Jenna would be going back to Sydney, Australia, and Jesse was going back to Virginia. Considering they wouldn’t be seeing each other for nine days, we all knew what they’d be doing tonight. Everyone knew that Kellin and I were staying, but thankfully none of them asked why.

I had planned to hang out with Kellin after dinner, but I didn’t feel up to it. I said goodnight to everyone and told them I’d see them after break, and then headed straight back to my room. I sat on my bed, working on a tune for the song I had recently written. Bulls In The Bronx. I loved the name, the way it sounded, and the way it felt on my tongue. I messed around with some Spanish influenced stuff, like my dad had taught me to do when I was younger. It sounded nice in the middle. I was facing my wall, humming quietly and loving the way the notes flowed from underneath my fingertips. Music was my only escape from everything.

I didn’t hear Jesse come in. This seemed to happen a lot.

“Vic, you sound amazing!” He said loudly, making me jump. I glanced at the clock; it was around ten. I don’t think they were bothering to enforce curfew the night before break.

“Um, thanks.” I muttered, feeling myself blush. I had never been good at taking compliments, especially about my music. I put my guitar back in its case, still facing the wall. I didn’t want to turn around and see all of Jesse’s things packed. I would miss him over the break. I realized he was staring at me, which caused me to finally turn. “What?” I asked. He shrugged.

“Why aren’t you going home, Vic?” He asked quietly. I tensed up, not speaking for a moment. Then a plan formed in my head.

“I’ll make you a deal. I’ll tell you why I’m not leaving, if you can tell me why Kellin’s not.” I bargained. I wasn’t going to give up this information without something in return. I could tell by Jesse’s expression that he definitely knew.

“I’m not really sure if I should tell you.” He mumbled, looking uncomfortable. I shrugged, moving my guitar from the bed to the floor.

“Then I guess you won’t know about my reasons, either.” I said, forcing myself to sound nonchalant about it. Begging wouldn’t get me anywhere with this kid. Jesse just looked right at me, chewing his lip. I knew he would cave, he was just too curious.

“Alright.” He sighed finally. “But if you guys end up talking about it, you have to promise you won’t tell him that I told you.” I agreed to his condition as we both settled down into our beds.

“Kellin doesn’t really have a home to return to. He’s kind of fucked up, I'm sure you’ve noticed the mood swings and his nonexistent eating habits. But anyway, that’s not the point. His dad left, and his mom killed herself. He got shipped off to his aunt’s house, who was loaded with money. She didn’t want to deal with him, so she shipped him off here.” Jesse sped through the story, looking guilty for telling it. I was a little shocked; that was not what I had expected to hear. “So what about you?” He asked. I pulled my arms around my body, taking a deep breath. My story was much simpler.

“My parents hate me.” I whispered.

“That explains nothing.” Jesse scoffed.

“I tried to kill myself. But they were only mad because their reputation was ruined. So we packed up, moved here, and I just shipped off. Simple.” I explained with a shrug. I was biting back tears, which I was determined to not let Jesse see. He just came across the room and pulled me into a hug. “They don’t even care.” I whispered, starting to let myself cry as I hugged my roommate back.

“I’m just glad you’re still here.” He whispered in a strained voice. I could tell he was a good friend. I wasn’t sure if Kellin’s situation was worse than mine, but we both had it pretty bad. I hoped we’d be sharing a lot this week. I wanted to hear what Kellin had to say. It was too late to go out to see him now. I would tomorrow.

“Go to sleep, Vic. I’ll see you in the morning.” Jesse said as he pulled away, going back over to his own bed. He turned out the lights before rolling over and adding, “Oh yeah, Vic? Kellin likes you.”