Pretty Little Wallflower

Tony took a deep breath before stepping into the slightly stuffy coffee shop, going through the same routine he had been for the past two weeks.
Fresh breath, check. Money, check. No stains, check. Shoes tied, check.
Viola spotted the man as he walked in, despite the early morning rush coming in and out of Lestat’s. She let her eyes fall over him for a few seconds before redirecting her attention to the costumer at hand. At first she thought the reason he kept coming back after their first encounter may have been to see her, and that made her feel uncomfortable; but after finding out from Evan that he actually lived around the area and had been on tour with his band for the last four months, she felt stupid even thinking anything otherwise.
“Hi, what can I get for you?” She smiled slightly at the baby-faced man.
“Hm, how about—um, an Arctic Squirrel and a turkey sandwich please,” his hand went directly to the back of his neck, a nervous habit.
“OKie dokie, $13.65,” she rung him up as he handed her a 20. Okie Dokie. How the fuck could even just two measly syllables make his heart flutter?
“You know, that other time, I didn’t mean to offend you, if I did,” he referred to their first encounter. Viola looked up at him, as he pulled on his braid a little.
“No sorrys, you’re fine,” she smiled handing back his change. He couldn’t understand why he was so nervous in front of her, at least more than usual. He couldn’t even bring himself to ask for her name. He realized he’d been staring at her absentmindedly a little too long until he heard her clear her throat.
“Oh, um, I’ll just go sit. Over there,” he pointed at a table furthest away from the counter and began his walk of embarrassment. Eventually he received his food, but he made sure to avoid eye contact with his Jane Doe.

As he ate, he thought about Stephanie, about tour, and about Jane Doe. Stephanie. Stephanie, who he hadn't talked to for almost three weeks. His heart dropped a little, his aura suddenly becoming nostalgic. He missed her; he had to admit that to himself. However, it wasn't just her that made him yearn for any particular moment in time besides the past three weeks. Sure, he missed the way her hair smelled, the way her lips formed that adorable plump smile, hell, he even missed how her voice began to squeak at the end of every sentence when they fought. But he was afraid. He was afraid of having to forget, about the kind of effort that ensued a break-up. Having to forget, having to move on, having to find someone else. What if he didn't find someone else? Or what if he did, but couldn't manage the courage to take that first step? That last thought scared him the most, because right in front of the coffee shop stood what to the untrained eye may have looked like a normal, average woman. But, for reasons unknown, she had sparked an interest in him. She seemed reserved, but warm, and maybe a little bit cynical, but friendly. How he had manage to pull all that from a couple encounters he would never know, but he paid enough attention to peak through the glass walls she built around herself.
And why couldn't he manage to talk to her without making a fool of himself? It seemed like the most damn ridiculous thing in the world to him! He’d always been shy, and it didn't help that she acted as if he were a bit repulsive. Maybe I’m just really fucked this time, he thought to himself grimly, If I can’t even talk to one girl who doesn't even know who I am, I should consider myself forever alone. He slammed his fist onto the table, excusing his pitiable self to the restroom. Before he opened the restroom door though, he could hear a slight chatter behind the kitchen’s double-doors, and it sounded like the petite cashier.
“Do you want a raise? Is that it? Or night shifts?” a woman asked Tony’s Jane Doe.
“No, Eliza, it isn’t any of that. Trust me, I love this job, but I need to do this favor for my uncle. I don’t want to leave on bad terms…” her voice seemed apprehensive, as if that last place she wanted to be was the position she was currently in.
“Of course, Vi! I could never be mad at you! I just really wish you didn’t leave, you’re one of my best employees I’ve ever had. It’s going to be a shame to work without you.” Vi. She had a name, Tony smiled to himself. But she was leaving. She was quitting. She was leaving Lestat’s and he would never see her again. Typical, Tony thought, because it wasn’t hard enough to get the guts to speak to a girl, when he found someone who sparked his interest it was only to watch them leave. Maybe letting Stephanie go was a mistake? He missed her so much, maybe the interest he had in this girl was a figment of his imagination, a forced attempt at trying to forget the girl he loved. But she gave the ultimatum, not him. It wasn’t exactly his choice. So there was nothing he could do, right?

“Oh!” The kitchen door was flung open before he could react, the brown-haired girl he’d admired from afar almost running into him. From up close, he could tell she was significantly shorter than him. “I didn’t see you there, sorry.”
“No harm, no foul,” he smiled at her. She had the biggest eyes he’d ever seen, big brown orbs specked with some sort of color he couldn’t place, but it was beautiful. Her skin was flawless despite the few, almost unnoticeable freckles speckled over her cheeks. She even had pretty eyebrows. Was it gay of him to notice that?
“You sure?” she waved a hand at him, but he didn’t budge. “Um, hi?” she poked his shoulder.
“Right, yeah, sorry. The door, right..bye,” he took in a sharp breathe , realizing what a dork he’d made himself to look like. He raised his eyebrows, eyes wide, turning on his heels and heading out Lestat’s.
Good job, you freak.

--
“And the man of the hour has arrived!” Jaime announced Tony’s entrance into their practice room. Tony nodded in acknowledgement, walking towards his comfortable corner of guitars. He didn’t feel like talking.
“Dude? You alright?” Vic asked the long faced man.
“Yeah, sorry I’m late.”
“Okay then, let’s start.” The band began to warm up, playing a few covers before jumping into their set list planned for Warped Tour. They tried to ignore the elephant in the room, but it just kept growing as they kept playing through. Tony had always been pretty quiet, but not like this. He was mistiming breakdowns and playing notes on wrong frets, something that wasn’t like him. He felt bad for bringing such a shitty mood to band practice, but today he just couldn’t help push his personal life aside. Stephanie, that girl, his life, it was all getting to him
“Alright man, talk,” Mike abruptly quit playing, allowing Tony’s guitar to be distinctly heard.
“Dude,” Tony tried to argue.
“I know the whole shit with Stephanie sucks, man, but you need to get your shit together. You guys just broke up, I get it, but you’re gonna see her at Warped. Don’t let some girl get in the way of this band. You’re jeopardizing us just as much as yourself ,” referring to Tony’s attitude and performance since the break up, Mike tried to get him to see things through his perspective, but he was never good with words. Instead of consoling Tony, instead of his words helping him understand, they just enraged him. He knew how he had been acting, but he was better than he was two weeks ago, better than a month ago. This had nothing to do with Stephanie and he couldn’t believe Mike was willing to assume just that. He was not only fighting through a break up anymore, he was fighting his own demons at this point. The voice inside his head that told him his time was running out, that maybe he wasn’t good enough, it taunted him; consumed him. Tony tried his hardest not to let his collapsed self-confidence get in the way of his performance, but sometimes it did. It wasn’t his fault, he told himself; he couldn’t help it. He was only human!
“I’m not letting anything get in the way of this band,” he responded through gritted teeth.
“We understand Tony, We’ve all been through it, but instead of holding shit inside, just talk to us, not doing that is what is affecting us. We can see you, how you bottle shit up.”
“Will you stop trying to say you understand anything? This band means everything to me! And Stephanie or any other commitments will never get in the way of that! Stop thinking you know what’s going on! Because you don’t!” He couldn’t help it anymore; it annoyed the hell out of him to think someone thought they knew what they were talking about when they referred to him. Everyone always loved to assume just because he didn’t publicize what was going on internally. But letting his anger out was a mistake now, he realized, because he had just proved Mike’s point by yelling at him. He had become defensive, fighting with his band mate. He had just proved that something had changed, because none of them ever fought.
He sighed, realizing his mistake.
“I need some air, I’ll be back.”