Life After You

Kelly grabs the pen from behind her ear and quickly scribbles down notes from a book. It had been many years since she had spent hours in a library. She sets down the armful of books and rolls up her sleeves. She means business. Being asked to give a lecture at Princeton university had really taken her by surprise when the Dean called. Kelly sips her machine filtered coffee and starts highlighting print-out sheets, writing notes in the margin. She would be standing in a symposium with three hundred students watching her. They were all aiming for their psychology degree and psychiatry degrees. She remembers fondly of how many lectures she had attended in her school years, being so desperate and hungry for knowledge. She is focusing her talk on the present, where more than forty percent of the population attend counselling or psychiatry sessions. She wants to talk about the profession and how rewarding it is, but also how tragic it can be to hear another person's sad story. During her education she had never been taught how to personally deal with traumatic stories, so she decided when she confirmed to the university that she would talk openly about how much it also affected her life.

Her cell-phone vibrates on the table. She thought she had turned it off. She opens the message.

Can we talk?-J

She sighs heavily. She hadn't seen or spoken to him since the engagement party and according to Susan, he hadn't been very talkative during his sessions.

I'm very busy and I don't think it is appropriate.-K

Her cell-phone vibrates again across the table. She sighs heavily.

I'm sorry for what happened at the party-J

Kelly feels a slight pang of guilt for overreacting the way she did.
She receives another message.

I don't know who else to talk to-J

You should talk to your psychiatrist if it's important.-K

Ok. Sorry for bothering you.-J

Kelly stuffs her cell-phone into her handbag and looks around the study area of the library. There are a few students at one of the other tables surrounded by piles of books and loose sheets of paper, huddled together and whispering. An older man holds a magnifying glass to the spines of the gardening books, his eye peering at the titles with scrutiny. A woman on the other side of the book shelves is humming a classical piece of music, slightly out of tune. When she comes onto Kelly's side of the books she looks like she's grown up in a fashion show for middle-aged women. Kelly brings all of her research together in a neat bundle and stuffs it into her bag, next to her laptop and diary book. If she didn't write things down she would forget them. It hadn't been the first time she had forgotten about her sister's birthday or her parent's anniversary. One time she did forget that it was her own her birthday.
Everyone reminded her of it every so often, just to make her feel lousy about herself.

****

Kelly notices several things about Jeremy Renner when he opens the door to her, surprised that she is standing on his doorstep. His eyes are glazed over, his pupils the size of pins. He is high as a kite through popping prescription pills. She can smell the faint smell of alcohol on his breath, a whisky. She realises that he is topless and answered the door wearing only a pair of shorts. Kelly tries not to stare at his terrific body.

She swings her handbag by her side as she walks into the very spacious and neatly organised sitting room. He goes into the kitchen to make coffee.

She watches the muscles in his back as he stretches to get a cups from the top shelf. She watches with sadness as he pours another large measure into a sticky glass.
She realises that she is staring at his ass. Kelly curses herself for drooling over him like a teenage girl with a crush on a teacher. She had never felt attracted to him before and just because he is half naked, she makes the decision to not start it now.

"Milk and sugar?"He asks as he opens the fridge.

"Black. Thank you" she replies. She tries her hardest to stop thinking about what is under those shorts.

He takes a long drink of his whisky and pours more, setting down the bottle next to an overfilled red glass ashtray.

"So, what's on your mind?" She asks as she removes her coat and throws it over the back of a kitchen chair.
Jeremy leans against the worktop, waiting for the kettle to boil. He folds his muscled arms over his chest.

"Two seconds. I'll grab a t-shirt"
He is gone less than ten seconds when he emerges with a well used grey t-shirt covering his body.
She looks at him with curious eyes.

"I'm sorry. I just didn't know who to call." He apologises.

"It's alright. I'm here now."

"Uh...Steph came over" he says sadly. She knows that this isn't what he needs. He is heartbroken and like a lost puppy.

"And what did she want?" Kelly asks.
Jeremy goes into his pocket and pulls out a small box. He places it on the table in front of her.
She doesn't need to ask because she already knows.

"I'm sorry" Kelly says gently.

"Not as sorry as I am."Jeremy's voice is pained."She looks good..for you know..being pregnant"

"How do you feel now that you've seen her?" Kelly asks, always the shrink.

Jeremy shrugs his shoulders with a heavy sigh.

"I think it's kind of sunk in that she's with someone else"

Kelly understands. She had heard and seen the devastation of break-ups, some of them nastier than others, but most of them felt like they had lost their arm or leg.

"It must have been really difficiult to see her"Kelly muses"and I see that you're still drinking and taking the pills"

Jeremy looks down at the floor like a naughty school boy who had been caught skipping class.

"We always talked about having a kid" Jeremy says, his mind transported to a much happier place."We were gonna try this thanksgiving when I wasn't gonna be gone so much"

"One day you will make someone extremely happy." Kelly says sympathetically.

Jeremy shakes his head. He doesn't believe it for a second.

"I've lost everything and I don't know how I'm gonna get it back. I gave up everything to be an actor and when Steph came along I thought, this is it. I don't need nothing else." He swallows hard and throws back the whisky. His eyes fill with fresh tears"She deserves a lot better than someone like me"