Kenya

I only briefly saw Kenya the next day at school. He didn’t say anything to me, or even look at me. I got to leave during third period, so there really wasn’t much time to see him except in physics, where he blatantly ignored me.

There weren’t many kids going on the trip to the arty thing. There were only about ten of us on the bus. I sat by myself and looked out the window. Ms. Beck was in the seat in front of me and I could smell her perfume. I sort of wondered if all of the rumors about her were true.

I couldn’t stop thinking about Kenya though. In a way I sort of felt bad for leaving him hanging like that, but it wasn’t really my duty to make sure he was able to get off. I just felt bad for him in general maybe.

I was really bored of sitting in the bus when we finally pulled into a fast-food restaurant to stop and pee and have a little bit of lunch. There were a bunch of hipsters on the trip; not really anyone that I even knew from any of my classes. They all sort of sat together. I sat at a table and Ms. Beck sat with me.

“I know this is sort of weird for you Ashley. Like it’s not with your friends and stuff, I get that, but I think it’ll be a good experience.”

“Yeah.”

“I know it’s not very cool hanging out with the teacher, but maybe you’ll make some new friends. All of these kids are really nice and there’s going to be even more kids when we get there.”

“Yeah.”

My phone started buzzing. It was my mom.

“Hey Ashley?”

“Yeah.”

“I didn’t get to say bye this morning. I’m sorry. Is everything going okay?”

“Yeah mom. It’s fine.”

“Okay. Well have a good time, all right?”

“Yeah.”

“Make me proud, honey.”

“Mom.”

“Bye I love you.”

“Love you too.”

I set my phone on the table. It buzzed a few more times, so I figured it was just my mom texting me, reminding me to be polite and say ‘thank you’s and stuff.

“I don’t think I met your mom during conference week,” Ms. Beck said.

“No, she works full-time. It’s hard for her to get time off, ya know?

Ms. Beck nodded. “My mom was like that. My dad walked out on us and it was sort of hard to make ends meet.”

“My dad got a new girlfriend who’s about half my mom’s age.”

“Oh.”

I then sort of got to thinking, like, how much older could Ms. Beck be than me? She looked barely legal, but four years of college, so maybe twenty-four at the youngest. She was still practically a baby.

We got back on the bus. This half of the ride was a lot shorter and we were at the hotel in just a little over an hour. I was sharing a room with some guy who was wearing this ugly-ass sweater and boat shoes. His name was Jack and he actually turned out to be pretty nice though.

We weren’t doing anything for the rest of the day except going out to dinner later, so Jack and I hung out at the hotel room and talked. It was sort of gay, but he claimed that he didn’t really like any of the other people and that Ms. Beck freaked him out, and I really didn’t know anyone, so we just separated ourselves from everyone else.

“So you’re actually like from a place with lots of people and celebrities and stuff?” he asked.

“I mean, I guess. I’ve never seen anyone famous though.”

“Oh. But still. It’s got to be way better than it is here. There’s absolutely nothing going on up here.”

“Got that right.”

We laughed.

“Hey man, are you like cool if I smoke some?” he asked.

“Yeah that’s fine.”

I thought he was going to pull out some cigarettes, but he pulled out a bag of weed and started rolling.

It’s not that I’d never smoked weed before, but we were at a school thing and it just seemed so wrong, yet I couldn’t really find it in me to care much anymore.

Jack passed me the blunt. I got higher a lot faster than he did. We both just sat there and I willed for the bed to swallow me alive because it was just so comfortable.

“You’re friends with Minnie right?” he asked.

“You know Minnie?”

“No.”

I laughed. “She’s super hard-core though.”

“Is she like into guys?” he asked.

Now that he asked me I wasn’t honestly entirely sure. I’d never really brought up the subject of her dating anyone and she never brought it up either.

“I don’t know man.”

Jack shrugged. “She’s just got so much personality it seems like, ya know? And those eyes…”

“She has really pretty skin.”

“Are you two like a…?”

I snorted. “No. Definitely not.”

He laughed. “Okay good. Because I honestly think I’m gonna like ask her out or something when we get back.”

“Good idea.”

There was loud knocking on our door. I sort of snapped out of my daze and opened the door. It was Ms. Beck. She didn’t say anything, so I really hoped it didn’t smell like weed.

“Are you boys ready for dinner?” she asked.

“Hell, er heck, yes,” Jack said, stumbling across the room to slide on his shoes. I’d never taken mine off, so I just grabbed the room key and followed Ms. Beck out into the hallways where all the other kids from our school were waiting in groups.

Jack and I stood behind everyone else as we waited for a table in the restaurant.

“Do you think Ms. Beck knows about the weed?”

I shrugged. “She didn’t say anything.”

“Whatever.” He shrugged.

I was absolutely ravenous. I wanted to order everything on the menu, but I settled for a small pizza. Jack was debating between tacos and a veggie burger. He kept asking the waitress questions about the food. He was worried about breaking his vegan diet.

He decided to go for the tacos, but without cheese. He couldn’t have said that to the waitress enough times. He was still pretty stoned.

I thought I was basically okay. I was a bit more chill, but I could think clearly at least. Jack did smoke a lot more than I did though.

When we were done, I was full and happy. Ms. Beck led us around town, showing us where our classes would be at various city buildings and stuff. It was a pretty little place.

We all sat in a park and watched some less-than-mediocre band play some covers of 80s top-hit songs.

Jack looked at me. He looked really confused for a second.

“What?”

“Nothing,” he said and went back to just looking straight ahead.

Back at the hotel, Ms. Beck explained to us that she’d be waking us up at around 8:30 for classes at 10. A few kids groaned, but it didn’t bother me really. I wasn’t one to sleep in anyway.

Back at the room, Jack took a shower. I sat on the bed and mindlessly flipped through channels. When Jack was done in the shower, I decided to take one. I got my clothes and went into the bathroom. I showered pretty halfheartedly. I sort of towel dried my hair and went back into the room. Jack was smoking again and watching Titanic.

“I fucking hate this movie,” he said.

I changed the channel and sat on my bed.

“You have really nice hair,” Jack told me, without taking his eyes off of the TV screen.

“Thanks.”

I faced away from him and the TV and tried to kind of fall asleep. The bed sank next to me. I rolled over and my face was right under his. He offered me his joint, I took one hit and passed it back to him. He kissed my mouth. Hard.

I didn’t have to push him away. He pulled away almost right afterwards. I took another hit of his blunt and we kissed again. These actions were repeated until Jack burned his finger and got up go rinse it in the sink.

I wondered what we were doing, but Jack made it really clear. I didn’t really care. It felt good to be in such close contact with someone after so long. Jack’s hair was too long, sort of like Kenya’s, and it hung in both our faces when he was on top of me, attacking my mouth.

I was sweating while he ground his hips against mine. He pulled his own shirt off, revealing freckled, bony shoulders. He skin sort of shone with a slick of sweat. It was hot in the room. I thought about getting up to adjust the thermostat, but I didn’t want to change my mind about what was happening.

He had two earrings in his left ear and a small nose ring. They were sort of sexy. His skin was pale and freckled, matching the dark red of his hair. His cheeks flushed easily. I sat up underneath him and pushed him onto his back. I struggled to get my shirt over my head. Jack watched me with his lips parted and his eyes dark.

I was a lot bigger than him. Not taller than him. He stood almost a head taller than me, but I wasn’t quite so skinny.

Underneath me, Jack struggled to get his pants off. I got mine off a lot easier because they weren’t quite so painted on.

Our bodies ground together. He got his hand in my boxers. “I’ve never done this before,” he warned. I grunted, because I couldn’t say anything coherent. I hadn’t realized how long it had been since I’d done anything remotely sexual and I really just wanted to get off so badly.

I didn’t give Jack a handjob. He looked a little hurt, but seemed to ignore it and went to the shower without saying anything.

I just changed my boxers. I’d shower again in the morning.

I was feeling pretty sober at that moment. I had no idea what I’d just done, but I sort of wanted to forget it. It didn’t feel right.

Jack came back into the room, just wearing boxers. We didn’t even make eye contact; he just went right to his bed and lay down facing away from me.

It was hard for me to fall asleep. I checked my phone. There were several messages from the same unknown number. It was Kenya. He’d gotten my number from Minnie.

I felt guilty. I don’t know what for. For Jack, I guess, but it wasn’t really a big deal. It definitely wasn’t going to happen again though. It was wrong and it felt wrong.