Status: New and attackactive!


The Biggest Mistake I Ever Made

“So he actually said that he might like me and then you guys dry humped? That’s so messed up,” Minnie said.

“He might still like you.”

“Face it Ashley. Once some has had someone like you, they’re never going to want someone like me.”

“You underestimate yourself.”

Minnie shrugged.

We were sitting outside of the physics classroom, waiting for the bell to ring. Minnie had journalism that hour, but she was chilling with me so she didn’t have to wait for class alone.

Perry came over and waited by the door also. The bell rang and Mr. Smith let us all inside the classroom. Minnie waved at me and walked away. Kenya swaggered down the hallway, late, as if he had all the time in the world.

I took a seat in the back, where I usually sat. The worst thing happened.

Kenya took a seat right next to me.

“Hey man,” he said.


“How was your arty art thing?”


Kenya didn’t say anything for a while. Mr. Smith wrote down notes on the board and tried to explain quantum physics to us. I just stared blankly and tried not to fall asleep. Kenya tapped the eraser of his pencil on the tabletop.

He wrote something down in his notebook and slid it to me.

Skip with me after lunch?

I said no.

Kenya rolled his eyes. “Why not?” he mouthed.

Because I don’t want to be alone with you, I wrote.

Kenya didn’t write anything else for the rest of the class period. When the bell rang, he grabbed my wrist and followed me out into the hallway.

“Come on Ashley. I know you want to,” he taunted me.

I flipped him off.

“Ashley baby, we can go to my place and have some drinks and just talk this out.”

“Like I said, Kenya, I want to be nowhere alone with you. Especially not under the influence of alcohol.

“So let’s get brunch. I’m ravenous.”

I rolled my eyes and started walking to my next class.

Kenya walked beside me. His dark eyes suggested that he knew exactly what I was feeling.

He ran a hand through his hair.

I turned to tell him to get lost or I’d definitely never talk to him, when he planted a kiss right on my mouth, right in front of everyone.

The truth was, hardly anyone even looked or noticed, but I was shaken up enough to follow Kenya out the school doors and off campus.

I was furious at him, but this public humiliation had to end. If we needed to talk it out, then we were going to if it was the last thing I did.


We went to Kenya’s house. My aunt didn’t need to know that I was skipping classes again.

Once we were in the door he set down his stuff and went straight for the kitchen. I guess that he actually was hungry. He lit up a cigarette and opened a Red Bull.

“Jesus, are you trying to have a heart attack?” I asked.

“I like it when my heart races,” he said. I wasn’t sure if that was sexual, but the way he said it made it seem so.

“Want anything?”

“I don’t know.”

“We have Coke Zero?”

“That’s fine.”

“Or Heineken?”

“I’ll have a Coke, thanks.”

“Are you sure? I’ve seen you tipsy man, and I wouldn’t mind a go at that.”

“Go eat a dick. Please.”

“I like that you said please. It’s cute.”

I rolled my eyes.

“So what do you need to talk about sweetie?”

“Don’t act like you don’t know Kenya.” I practically spat his name out. Why couldn’t he just talk to me about whatever he had to say so I could get back on with my life? Why had I agreed to this whole arrangement anyway? I sighed.

“Yeah but the way that I see it, we really don’t need to talk about anything, if you feel me?”

I groaned.

“Like, be mature. Or at least try to.”

Kenya sat down next to me. He puffed on his cigarette.

I coughed really overenthusiastically just to make a point.

Kenya rolled his eyes.

“Do you even live here with anyone?”

“My dad?” Kenya said it like it was a question.

I just nodded.

“So, pretty boy, what’s on your mind?”

“Like, why do you do these things to me?”

“What kind of things?”

“Like tormenting me.”

Kenya took a long drag of his cig, like he was contemplating the very meaning of life itself. “Because I love you, stupid. You’re smart. I can’t believe you couldn’t figure that one out.”

“Jesus Christ.”


“I obviously know that you like me, but why do you have to torment me about it?”

“Torment you?”

“The public humiliation and all that shit needs to stop.”

Kenya looked a little bit hurt, but he didn’t say anything. It was quiet for a while.

“I’m sorry.”


“I mean, like, I don’t really know how to get people’s attention you know? Like people mostly just are attracted to me, and Jesus fucking Christ, you just aren’t.”


Kenya sighed. “Not even a little bit?”

I shrugged.

“You aren’t even gay, what the hell am I talking about?”

“No idea.”

“But I heard about you and Jack.”

“How in the hell?”

“I didn’t. It was just a guess.”

“Fuck you.”

“Minnie was telling me about how you roomed with him.”

“It really wasn’t anything. I don’t even know. Like I didn’t start it, but I really didn’t end it either.”

“You sound pretty gay to me, will you just sleep with me already?”

“Is that all you want from me?”

“I’d like to be tied down,” he said, winking. “Like in a relationship.”

“And that worked out so well for you with Kurt.”

“But this wouldn’t be a secret. Besides Kurt and I are so over with. Like that’s so last week.”

“And Perry? And Daphne? And whoever else?”

“If you commit, then baby, I commit.”

“Is this a joke to you?” He had this stupid smirk on his face and I wanted nothing more than to smack it right off.

“You think too much Ash.”

“I do not-…”

And then Kenya was up in my face, his eyes level with mine. His breath smelled like stale air, cigarettes, and sweet tarts. “You talk too much too,” he whispered.

I pushed him away.

Kenya sat back in his chair. He looked kind of like he was ready to kill someone.

“I’m leaving. Bye. See you in first tomorrow.”

I made it all the way to the door before Kenya said my name.

I just paused. I didn’t even look back. I knew Kenya had gotten up to stand behind me. He put his hands on my shoulders. I felt his breath on the back of my neck. Goosebumps prickled up over my skin. I couldn’t move.

“See Ash? It’s not all that bad,” he said lowly, into my neck.

I turned around and backed up against the door. Kenya looked at me. He chewed the inside of his cheek. Neither of us moved. There was a tension in the air that I couldn’t break.

I took two steps forward and he stood still.

“I’m going to fucking regret this for the rest of my life,” I said, mostly to myself. Then I kissed him.

Kenya still didn’t move. He only crossed his arms over his chest as soon as I pulled away.

“Jesus I might as well go make out with a rock.”

And that’s exactly how I found myself backed up against a door, my body pressed against another man, fighting to get control of everything: my emotions, my thoughts, him.

I slid out from between him and the door. He gave me the angriest look I’d ever seen on a human being.

“There is absolutely no way that I am letting you push me around like you push women around. Get that through your head and maybe then we’ll talk.”

The whole walk back to school I mostly just thought about this whole incident. All in all, I really wasn’t angry about anything except that Kenya thought that he could just get in there and push me over. I figured that as soon as he got over his dominance complex, things would get better.
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