Kenya

Kenya and I sat in silence for a while until he turned the TV on. Neither one of us knew what to say so we just sat there. Kenya drank a little more and ended up getting me to drink some of his cheap liquor. I got tipsy a lot faster than Kenya did. I hadn’t eaten much and it really seemed to just go to my head.

“You have pretty eyes,” Kenya told me.

“I think you’ve mentioned that before.”

“Makes sense. They’re like dark blue, but still pretty.”

“Uhm thanks.”

I laughed for no reason. Kenya’s face was just kind of blurry and he looked funny.

“Holy shit. You’re actually pretty drunk.”

“Not really. I mean you’re blurry, but, like, ugh. I don’t know.”

“Right Ashley. I’m always blurry. Even when you’re not drunk.”

“Okay so I am. Not a big deal.”

Kenya rolled his eyes. He had pretty eyes too. They were dark brown, almost black, and he had the longest, thickest eyelashes I’d ever noticed on a person.

Kenya touched my hand. I jerked away from him and sort of snapped out of my daze. I didn’t want to be that close to him.

Kenya looked slightly wounded, but he covered it quickly.

“I’d tell you to leave, but I don’t want you going home drunk.”

“Why would I leave?”

“You obviously don’t want to be here.”

“No. I want to be here. I just don’t want to be with you, like, how you want.”

“But what’s wrong with me Ash?”

“You have a penis.”

“Fair enough.”

Kenya drank some more. Then I think he was as drunk as I was, or maybe more. The last thing I remember before falling asleep to the sounds of evening television was Kenya texting someone and snapping his phone close quite loudly.

My phone started vibrating next to my head. I reached for it but my arms were heavy like I was stoned or something.

“Hello?”

“Ashley, honey, are you okay? I’ve called you like four times.”

It was my mom.

“I’m fine. I’m at a friend’s house.”

“Are you coming home tonight?”

“I think. What time is it?”

“Eight.”

“Yeah, I’ll be home later.”

“Send me a text when you’re on your way, okay?”

“Sure.”

I stood up and stretched. Kenya wasn’t in the room, but I thought I heard him talking in a bedroom towards the back of the house. I had to piss, so I took care of that before I went to go find him and tell him that I was going to head home.

I opened his door.

“Shit.”

Kenya’s long back was the most visible thing. He was sitting on Kurt’s stomach and they were sucking face pretty hard. Kurt pushed Kenya away and gave me the biggest “what the fuck?” look I’ve ever received to this day.

“Do you know how to knock?”

“Kurt, it’s not a big deal.” Kenya was already recovering from everything. He pulled on a shirt over his porcelain skin that was actually really quite flawless.

“He’s a creep.” Kurt waved his hand in my general direction as if that would make Kenya change his mind.

“He didn’t know. It’s whatever.”

“Jesus Kenya.”

“It’s not like we were naked, don’t get your panties in a bunch.”

“Christ. I’m going home.”

“Kurt, don’t be like that.”

“Play with your boy-toy. It’s whatever.”

“Kurt. Don’t be a dick.”

“Kurt,” I found myself saying, “I’ll just leave. It’s not a big deal. We don’t ever have to talk again. Whatever.”

“Okay. Sounds good.”

Kenya rolled his eyes. “Grow up.”

Kurt looked offended. “I can’t deal with this Kenya.”

“I’m sorry you can’t handle anyone possibly doubting for one millisecond that you may not be as tough as you think you are.”

“Go eat a dick.”

“Well isn’t that ironic?” Kenya shot back along with a quick flip of his middle finger.

“Fuck off.”

“Get out of my house then.”

I turned to leave, but Kenya grabbed me by the back of my belt and gave me this puppy-dog look and I was rooted to the spot.

Kurt pushed past me quite violently and stomped through the house.

Kenya bit his bottom lip and stared at the spot where Kurt last stood for at least two minutes.

“Ashley,” he said quietly. “That’s gonna be it.”

“You guys will talk it out, I’m sure.”

Even I didn’t believe myself. For obvious reasons, Kurt didn’t seem like the type who would ever talk anything out.

I had no idea what to say because Kenya looked like he was on the brink of shutting down completely or going absolutely bat-shit.

“I’m sorry. I should have knocked.”

“It’s not your fault Ashley. We’ve always been really toxic.”

“It’s just basic manners, I should…”

Kenya gave me a dirty look. “Stop apologizing. It’s not helping anything.”

“I’m sorry.”

I did feel bad and Kenya just looked so pathetic it sort of hurt.

We sat back down on his couch. Kenya pulled his knees up to his chin and sat with his arms wrapped around his legs.

“He wouldn’t have come over here if he didn’t think he was getting some.”

I said nothing.

Kenya kept talking. “He only wants to see me when he thinks he can get laid. And I’m not saying that I don’t do the same thing, I mean our whole relationship is really fucked up, but it just hurts. Like, I know I probably like him way more than he would ever like me.”

I thought of Perry. I felt guilt sitting in my stomach. Kenya knew what I was thinking about. He was smart enough to be able to tell.

“I think we both need to get over this shit.”

I looked at Kenya. “What do you mean?”

“Well, you obviously feel the same way about Perry. She knows, I know, you know, so why can’t you just tell her. It’s not a big deal compared to being lied to.”

“It’s not that easy.”

“I know.”

“I don’t want to hurt her.”

“She’s already hurting. She knows you didn’t have sex because you were in love.”

“How do you even know?”

“Remember how I told you I couldn’t tell you?”

“Yeah?”

The worst things came to mind as to why he couldn’t just spit it out.

“I still can’t. Trust me on this one.”

“Oh.”

“One day, I’ll tell you.”

“Right.”

---

My aunt picked me up on her way home from work.

“What’s got you down, hon?”

“Girl problems.”

“You didn’t get her pregnant did you?”

“No. I just don’t-never mind.”

“Don’t tell me that you slept with her and you don’t even like her.”

“I like her….”

“Oh God Ashley. I thought your father would have raised you better than that.”

“My father didn’t’ raise me. He paid me off.”

“So what are you going to do about this girl?”

“I don’t know.”

“Well Ashley, good luck okay?”

“Yeah. Thanks.”

At home, I went to my room after grabbing an apple and a small bag of chips from the pantry. I was feeling a little bit nauseous and I thought it might be from either the drinking earlier or the lack of food. Or maybe I was actually just feeling genuinely guilty. I didn’t doubt that.

---

Kenya wasn’t at school in first period and neither was Perry, though I did see Kenya around later on. Kurt didn’t even give me any dirty looks in my math class; he only stared blankly. I think even he was genuinely upset over last night’s occurrences.

In art class, Ms. Beck smiled at me and it made me feel a bit better. I got out my kind of shitty charcoal drawings and continued working on them. She sat in the empty chair next to me and gave me some pointers.

She smelled nice, but when I even thought about her like that my stomach turned into a giant know of guilt. It was all because of Perry. I needed to end things with her A.S.A.P.

“Have you decided on that field trip?”

“Uhm, I kind of forgot to ask. I’ll definitely let you know tomorrow.”

“Thanks Ash.”

She called me Ash. My pulse sped up just a little bit. I couldn’t help that.

The bell rang and I went to the bus. I had to lug about 40 pounds of textbooks because I was behind in homework from the previous night. Kenya sat down next to me.

“Where were you first?” I asked him.

He chewed on the inside of his cheek but didn’t say anything.

“You don’t have to tell me I guess.”

“I wasn’t going to.”

“Well then.”

Kenya smirked.

“I was pretty hung-over. I decided to sleep in.”

“That is logical. I had a bit of a headache, but I have a pretty fast metabolism so I don’t stay hungover long.”

“Did you talk to Perry? Because I ended everything with Kurt.”

“She wasn’t here.”

“And you can’t call her?”

“I feel like I should tell her in person.”

“You’re a noble man.”

“Come over to my house.”

“Holy fuck, what?”

“Come over to my house?”

Kenya looked so shocked that I felt a smile creep onto my lips.

“Are you on drugs? I thought you hated me.”

“Not at all.”

It was true. Kenya was a good person. A little messed up maybe, but he had a good heart. Plus I felt bad for him because I singlehandedly ruined his love life with one person out of however many.