Take Me Home

“They’re fucking insane! I hate them.” I barked and watched as Niall’s lips set into a straight line. It was easy for me to tell there was anger bubbling inside of him. His body language gave it away even though he tried to remain calm as he sat across from me at his dining room table.

“Fine.” Niall growled lowly and stood up from the table and grabbed his plate before he stormed over to his kitchen sink. He dropped the plate with such force that it caused everything else in the sink to rattle loudly. I was pretty sure something had to have broken but Niall didn’t give the sink a second glance.

“Fine.” I echoed, crossing my arms over my chest and leaned back in my chair. I watched with interest as Niall seemed to be fighting with himself over how to react. One thing was certain, neither of us planned on backing down.

“You’re going to be late for work.” Is what he settled on saying before he rushed out of sight, slamming his bedroom door behind him.

I rolled by eyes but knew he was right, we had spent so much time arguing that morning that time seemed to disappear. It was all over the fact that I was staying with him. Once the media caught wind of Niall coming home from his Christmas break early to spend all his time holed up with me in his house there was a shit storm. It was scandalous and very juicy gossip apparently. One Direction fans were in a tizzy and had taken to parking themselves as close to Niall’s house as they could get in hope of catching a glimpse of something gossip worthy. In reality, if they were able to catch a glimpse of us before this fought broke out they’d only see us staring mindlessly at the television for hours.

I knew that bad mouthing his fans would piss him off but I couldn’t help it. They really knew how to take things too far ninety percent of the time. He loved them more than anything despite the fact they gave him no privacy. I knew that. I just couldn’t stop myself from saying how much I hated them. They made everything I did news worthy. Everyone knew where I was all the time and it freaked me out. They took pictures of me at work and shouted nasty things at me. In all honestly, I was having a hard time dealing with it.

Niall reappeared shortly and headed straight out the door with his keys dangling in his hand. I took this as my cue to follow suit so he could drop me off since walking that morning was out of the question. The ride to the bakery was short but filled with silence. Niall was still pissed, I could feel the waves of anger practically rolling off of him and crashing into me. Neither of us said a word and for once I wish Niall wouldn’t have been so quiet. I wish he would have blathered on like every other day of the year so I could have something to focus on other than the massive crowd of teenage girls running after his car.

Niall stopped in front of the bakery and didn’t give me a second glace as I got out. He didn’t say a word and as soon as I slammed the door shut he took off like a bat out of hell. I rushed inside, fighting my way through the small group of girls who were congregated outside of the bakery. Once inside I let out the anger that had been bubbling inside of me by getting right to work, kneading dough in the kitchen where I was out reach to the public.

I spent my entire shift in the kitchen. When my work day was done, I was exhausted and my muscles ached from fighting with dough and hauling loafs of bread in and out of the ovens. My voice was hoarse from singing along loudly to the radio to discourage my co-workers from making small talk to with me. My fight with Niall that morning had really taken a toll on me and I hated that. I hated being in a foul mood because of him. I decided when I was untying my apron that I was too tired to stay mad at Niall or his fans any longer. I was going to give him a proper crap apology when I got back to his place. I never apologized, even when I knew I was wrong but I felt like I had to at least try to make things okay between us.

As soon as I stepped out of the kitchen I was met with a lobby full of young girls, phones and cameras pointed at me. I froze like a deer caught in the headlights of a tractor trailer. As soon as I came to my sense, I made a beeline for the door. That turned out to be a fatal flaw in my plan of getting home. As soon as I stepped outside there were girls pushing me, yanking on my hair, pulling at my sweater, and shouting. I was frozen. Normally I had Niall by my side to get me through mobs but I couldn’t find him anywhere in the massive crowd that surrounded me.

In fact, I was certain that Niall wasn’t even there. If he was anywhere within a three mile radius these girls would not have been wasting their energy on me. That stung, I knew he was mad at me but I hadn’t expected him to be so angry with me that he would leave me defenseless in a crowd. It felt like I was going to get crushed. I was panicking and I couldn’t focus on anything other than the way I couldn’t remember how to breathe. I knew that Niall must have been entirely done with me if he left me to my own devices. I started to shove through the crowd in a desperate attempt get air into my lungs before I collapsed and got trampled.

I tried to ignore all of the things the girls were screaming at me but it was all I could hear.

“Whore.”

“Slut.”

“Ugly.”

“Fat.”

“Disgusting.”

“Scum.”

By the time a police officer was able to grab me out of the crowd I was already on the verge of tears just from the name calling alone. I kept my head down as I gasped for air once I was out of the crowd, letting the police officer drag me toward his car.

“Are you dating Niall?” a voice asked.

“No.” I mumbled, not bothering to look up to see the person the voice belonged to. I just hoped that setting things straight would put an end to all the craziness.

“Good.” She said venomously. “He deserves so much better than you. You’re disgusting.” And before I could even lift my head to look at her she spit on me.

By the time I was safe inside a police car I had been spit on a few more times. I bit my lip to keep my tears at bay while the police officer drove to Niall’s house where I had directed him. The whole time he said things in attempt to make me feel better but words had the ability to cut deeper than any knife. Not to mention that fact that I felt filthy and worthless as I sat there covered in other people’s saliva.

Once I was safely inside Niall’s house, I made a beeline for the shower. I scrubbed my skin until it was bright red. No matter how hard I scrubbed I couldn’t wash away the feeling of being spit on by complete strangers who hated me for no reason. I stayed in the shower longer than usual, having myself a good cry. I think I deserved it.

When I was done with my shower I made my way to the kitchen and started to cook dinner. I had no idea where Niall was but I assumed he wasn’t home because he didn’t want to see me. I sighed, but continued to cook enough food for both of us. I hoped he would be home, I just wanted to make things okay between us. Half way through cooking, Niall came home. He threw his keys on the kitchen counter and walked right on by me like I wasn’t there.

I peeked into the living room where I found Niall stretched across the couch while he watched football on television. I could tell he was aware of my presence but he refused to acknowledge me. Clearly, he was still angry with me. I bit my lip as I weighed my options. I could go the guest room and stay there quietly and hope Niall would get over it. I also had the option of turning around and going straight back to my own flat and avoid the entire situation. I also had the option to swallow my pride and apologize to him which I hoped would make everything okay and we could have dinner and spend the rest of the night watching movies.

Being shut out by Niall was exactly what I didn’t need after the day I had, having to been spit on and told I was a hideous, worthless human. I let out a shaky sigh, making my way back to the kitchen as I tried to keep my tears at bay. I didn’t want to be cry just because I was having a shit day but it seemed as of lately that all of my days had been shit. I gripped onto the edge of the countertop tightly as I tried to re-gain my composure, taking a deep breath through my nose and letting it out through my mouth.

“I made dinner.” I said quietly, watching as Niall remained motionless on the couch. I sighed and sat down at the kitchen table, not even feeling hungry enough to eat the food that I put on my plate. Niall appeared in the kitchen for a few seconds I thought he was going to sit down and eat with me but he just filled his plate with food and went back to the couch without a single word.

I cleaned up the mess I had created cooking and then made my way cautiously into the living where Niall was back in his original position on the couch. Carefully, I sat on the floor, my back leaning against the couch while Niall ignored my presence once again while he watched a movie. After about fifteen minutes I lost all hope of him making any attempt at communication so I went back to the room I was staying in. I had never been good at saying how I was feeling and so I tried to show through my actions how I felt so I was extremely defeated when Niall ignored my attempts at making amends.

I closed the door behind me once I had entered my designated living corridors. I lay down on the let bed and looked at the ceiling. Unlike the ceiling above my own bed that was water stained with an ugly brown color, the ceiling above that bed was perfectly flawless and flat white. I rolled onto my side, my eyes danced among the items I had strewn around the room in my rush to get to work that morning. I thought about picking up the clothes and folding them neatly but quickly disposed of that idea. All I could think about as I stared at my wrinkled, second hand clothes were how out of place they were in the simple elegance of the room. It dawned on me, as I stared emotionlessly a pair of jeans on the floor, that I did not belong there. I belonged at my broken down flat, with my used clothes, and where I didn’t have to worry about the pandemonium I created in Niall’s life.

I cared that Niall was mad at me and that was terrifying because I hadn’t meant to let him into my life. I never wanted to grow attached to him. I never wanted to care for him but it happened. I knew that in the end it would only lead to more problems and pain in both of our lives. I had to fight the urge to pack up my shit and run straight back to my rundown flat.

In all honesty, even if I had packed up all my shit I was far too exhausted from the day I’d had to do any running. I stayed motionless on the bed staring at the wall like it was telling me all the secrets of the world. There was a soft knock at the door but when I made no attempt to reply Niall pushed the door open. He didn’t say anything and I didn’t dare look away from the wall to catch a glimpse of him. The bed sank beside me and he sighed quietly as he lay beside me, my back toward him.

We stayed like that for a while until Niall said “I saw what happened outside of the bakery today. It was just on TV.” When I didn’t say anything in response he continued “I tried to get there in time, there was a lot of traffic…I’m so sorry, Lincoln.”

“It’s fine.” I mumbled tiredly, not wanting to think about.

“It’s not.” Niall corrected me. “It’s not okay that they did that to you and its not okay I could have stopped it and I didn’t. I’m fucking pissed about that. I’m sorry that I put in that situation and I’m sorry for this morning. ”

“I’m sorry too.”

A silence fell over us then and it felt like the dark cloud hanging over us had been lifted. It wasn’t an awkward silence; it was a comfortable silence where neither of us felt like we had to say anything. We stayed like that for a long time, long enough that both of us fell asleep.