Landfill

My anguish and fury didn't last long; one of them grabbed my arm and took the knife from me. I didn't cry out, I dropped my arm and laid there. I expected for the person who had grabbed the knife to hurt me, but it was too late.

Once more, the last time, the door burst open and this time it was the police. I heard a lot of yelling and officers yelling "Freeze!" among it. There was gun fire and then it got dark; I think I had shut my eyes because the next thing I know I was in an ambulance being treated. I had my arms in each direction and someone counting out in front of me; "1, 2, 3, 4....1, 2, 3, 4..."

I tried to open my eyes and turn my head, but someone was holding my head still; a paramedic. I had wiggled with what little strength I had left; there was an oxygen mask on my face and I kept trying to speak. I opened my eyes to more bright lights that burned and I quickly shut them. The ambulance doors shut (it sounded exactly like car doors) and my mind immediately went to Ryan and Brendon. I wanted to know what happened to them and if they were alright, but I couldn't move any longer; I passed right out again with the ambulance siren loud.

I was awaken again with dim lighting around me. I could hear people buzzing about just outside of the closed door to my left. The room was occupied with one other person, saline drips loud and heart monitors going to the person behind the curtain to my right. Some hope left in me prayed it was Ryan, or maybe even Brendon, but I couldn't reach the curtain to see. I sat up, feeling woozy and disoriented, and rubbed my eyes; the clock across from the bed I was in red 12:45 am.

I pulled the blanket from my body and moved my legs; I wasn't in my jeans or t-shirt anymore. My tennis shoes were gone, even my funny blue socks; all I had on was grey hospital socks and a light blue hospital gown with a weird design on it. I stood up, my knees knocked and I wobbled a bit; I was still fatigued from sleep. I reached for the saline drip hung beside my bed and carried it with me as I went towards the curtain; I could hear whoever was on the other side breathing deeply. I pulled back the curtain, hope rushed through me; but it was quickly extinguished; it was just a woman who was sleeping deeply.

I turned back and sat on my bed; I rang the nurses button and waited; I put back my saline drip. A moment later, a woman in cartoon scrubs came into the room and smiled at me, "What can I get you, Nikki?"

"Where's Ryan and Brendon?" I asked her.

Her smile disappeared, "Ryan and Brendon?"

"Yes," I nodded, "My friends. Where are they?"

She shook her head, "I'm sorry, I just started my shift...I could check for you."

"Thank you."

Hope revitalized.

"Is there anything I can get you?"

"Water." I said, "Please."

The nurse left and I crawled back into the bed, pulling the blanket over myself. It was freezing inside the room, but I didn't think it dread about it too long. I was thinking only of the fact that I would possibly see Ryan and Brendon again, and I couldn't be happier. I thought of all the things I would say and do once I would see them. I'd hug Ryan until I couldn't anymore, and that's all I wanted.

My thoughts were interrupted once the nurse returned; she had a rubber picture full of water and set it down on the tray beside my bed. She had a small plastic cup as well; "I'm sorry, Nikki, but there aren't a Brendon or Ryan admitted."

I swallowed, "What about a George Ross?" I asked her hopeless, "That's Ryan's name; George Ryan Ross the 3rd."

The nurse gave me a small, tight smile, "I'll check, honey. Get some more rest, you've had a blood transfusion."

I just blinked as she left, and then I put my hand to my throat; it was bandaged; so was my left arm where the silence was entering. I took my eyes off of it and laid back; tears swelled up and I let them fall, knowing that Brendon was more than likely dead, and maybe Ryan was too. I swallowed the growing lump, blinked and let tears roll down the eyes of my face.


The nurse hadn't returned. A new nurse, Bonnie, arrived about 7, waking me when she had come in to wake us -me and the older woman, Wilma, beside me- up. Around 10, she came in and said that she was taking Wilma out for exercise so some policemen could speak to me.

Two police officers, one black and the other white, strolled into my room right after Nurse Bonnie and Wilma left. They introduced themselves as Officer Williams -the white- and Officer Baker -the black-, and almost immediately they jumped into asking me about Shane.

"How did you meet Shane?"

"My boyfriend sold drugs for him." I answered. "Ryan. Is Ryan okay?"

They looked at each other, and then they whispered amongst themselves. I exhaled, waiting for something; I couldn't hear their whispers. Finally, Officer Baker looked at me, "Do you know Ryan's mother?"

"No. All Ryan ever said was that she resides in Texas. Why?"

"You're the only person he was close to here?" He went on.

"Me and Brendon Urie. Spencer Smith..." I rubbed my eye, "Is he alright?"

They looked at each other; I just knew it and it hurt, it fucking stung and all I could do was let the tears rush. I swallowed and cried, letting Officer Baker relay the news; "He passed away yesterday evening, about 6PM. I'm sorry."

The way he spoke was dull and I was damn close to slugging him in the mouth. I relented this and pressed my palms to my face; "What about Brendon?" I asked.

"Brendon Urie passed away about 8PM, he was in critical condition for about an hour." Officer Williams added.

I exhaled, "Oh God."

"We're sorry, Ms. Navarro." This time Officer Baker spoke with sympathy and patted my covered knee. "We didn't want to be the ones to tell you."

I wiped my eyes upon feeling tears, "What about Brendon's girlfriend...her name is Aubrey Milton..." I swallowed.

"They've been informed. Your parents are in the waiting room, we wanted to speak with you first."

"Yeah." I mumbled.

"We need some information, if you don't mind?"

I shrugged, "I don't know much. I just...Shane called me, saying I needed to give him Ryan or some money..." I went on and explained it all, my mouth running faster with the previous day.

After, the officers nodded; Officer Williams was writing it all down; "Did he say anything about any buyers or suppliers?"

"No," I shook my head, "Nothing."

"Okay." Officer Baker patted my knee, "We'll be in touch, Ms. Navarro. Get better."

"Thanks." I said softly as they left.

A moment later, my mom walked in with my father trailing behind. They both looked a bit frightened to see me, but once they were at my bedside, they both exhaled and smiled in a relieved way. My mom kissed my forehead and hugged me, "Are you alright, Nikki?"

I nodded, "I'm okay. Did anyone tell you about Ryan?"

My dad nodded, "We wanted to visit you yesterday, when you got in, but they said you needed rest. We asked about him," my dad sighed softly, I knew he didn't want to continue.

My mom went on, "We told him that you were the only kinship he had here, so they relayed the news so we'd tell you...did the officers tell you?"

"Yeah. I practically begged."

My mom kissed the top of my head this time; "I'm so sorry, Darling."

I just shook my head, "It doesn't seem real..."

My dad came around to my right side, "Do you need anything?"

"No. Could you take care of Jimmy for me?"

"Of course, Darling."

"Did the doctor say when I can come home?"

"The day after tomorrow." My mom informed, "We're going to bring you home."

"Great," I said softly. "I...uh...do we hold a funeral for Ryan?"

My dad patted my back, "We don't have to rush, Nicole. You should get better before we do anything of the sort."

I gave a nod, "I'm just confused...I'm not sure what to do next."

"Rest," my mom stressed. "Rest and make sure you're better. We're going to try and contact Ryan's mother so she'll know."

"Ryan said she's somewhere in Texas. He never said where."

"That's a start," my dad chuckled softly.

I smiled just a bit, "Yeah."

"Do you need us to stay?" My mom asked after a few seconds, "There's a young man outside waiting to see you. His name's Spencer."

"He's Ryan and Brendon's friend. He can come in if you'd like to leave."

My dad kissed my temple, "We wouldn't like to leave, we just don't want to overwhelm you."

"I'm fine. I need to rest."

My parents hugged and kissed me before they left. After a minute or so, the nurse returned with Wilma and Spencer followed in.