Landfill

The first thing I noticed about Spencer was that his right arm was bandaged. He came over to me and sat at the end of my bed. He didn't speak until Bonnie left the room; "Hi." I said.

"Hey." Spencer replied. "Y'know you cut me?"

My brows raised in surprise, "I did?"

"Yeah. I was following Shane's guys to see what happened. I nearly fell on you, and you started to jab the knife at me."

"I'm sorry." I told him, "I didn't know."

"I'm fine." He waved his bandaged arm my way. "And, uh, I'm sorry about Ryan."

I exhaled, "Me too." My reaching became shaky, "I can't believe this is happening."

"Nikki, it's okay." Spencer took hold my wrist, and then my hand. "I know it'll be hard, but things'll get better."

"How is Aubrey?" I asked, blinking away stray tears.

"She's sad, but, y'know...she'll be okay, too."

"What about Brendon's family?"

"His dad's flying down from Hawaii."

We grew silent after and my heart was just buzzing with the thought of Ryan being dead. It was hard to fathom, it didn't seem real. The pain in my body was riddled away, even in my heart; I felt entirely stoic.

"Did I hurt you?" I asked him suddenly, "I deeply apologize."

Spencer just chuckled, "I'm alright, Nikki. How are you?"

"I don't feel anything." I told him truthfully, "It hasn't hit me yet, you know what I mean? I...I honestly can't believe that Ryan's gone."

Spencer sighed softly, "It's the medication, Nick. You gotta get better. I'll come and see you, make sure you're alright,"

"Thanks." I smiled softly, "I appreciate it."

"It's no trouble. I want to...for you and Ryan."

I rubbed my eyes, "Do I take his things? Where was he staying?"

Spencer patted my hand, "Nikki, you don't have to rush into things."

"I can't help it, I've...I don't know what to do, I haven't a clue."

"Don't even fret, anything you need I'll help you."

"Thank you."

"Again, Nick, it's no trouble at all."


Wilma had left later that afternoon. I was in the room by myself now. With the flat screen TV on across from me with the small remote and speaker playing whatever was on, I fell into deep thought. I thought about it all, it was like a haze if memory, like a bad dream. This hasn't happened, is what I felt, but it did; I'd have a scar to prove it.

I have a dead ex-fiancée to prove it.

That's when it hit me like a splash of cold water over my head. I started to cry, thinking and remembering Ryan. My heart raced and my head pounded; I felt it all over again and again.

It was like someone ripped my heart to pieces right in front of me and my life was over. I only had Ryan for such a short time and I missed him so much. I wanted to see him, I wanted to touch him, to kiss his face.

I removed myself from my bed and grabbed my saline bag. I began to creep from my room and looked both ways down the hall; it was quiet, especially for it being 8PM. I began to walk down the hall, seeing the nurses station; I surpassed it; two nurses sat there, busy on their files and computer. I walked, my hospital socks falling down my ankles, my legs felt like heavy weights and my heart was pounding; my face was itchy from the thick tears.

The elevators came into sight, and I tried to remember all the research I had done for my book. I had researched a morgue, too afraid to go in, but I knew where it was located.

I pushed the button below the 1st floor button; it read 1B. I knew that, that led to the basement, and then a flight of stairs up led to the cold morgue. I wanted to see Ryan, I had to; it was like a mission. Only my head was set on that, that was the only thing I worried about. I had to see him; I wanted to so badly, I missed him.

My one track mind led me to the empty basement where the furnace was going as a slow pace. I surpassed it and managed to get to the stairs, leading to an unlocked door towards the morgue. My heart was beating so fast, I expected it to come flying out my chest.

Once I was inside, the double doors opened and cold air blew in and out in a whistle. I swallowed, the white walls seemed to flood down to the floor like an never ending space of open space; the only real surface was the doors and the security mirrors in the corners. There wasn't even a pattern on the linoleum floor, just yellow painted arrows in the corners of the floor, leading me somewhere; like the yellow brick road to death.

My steps were short and fast, leading me, my eyes following the arrows. I came to a big white door that had big black bold lettering that read exactly why I was looking for: MORGUE. My hand shook as I put it on the knob, and slowly turned until I heard a click; I slowly pushed the door open, it made a swishing sound due to the cool air blowing in. My body shivered as I stepped in, seeing the wall of chambers straight ahead of me; I slipped in and shut the door. I looked around and saw a steel gurney with a blue sheet over a body; I tip-toed over and looked the body over -it was too overweight to be Ryan, and I say that, that the body had more only a bit more weight than Ryan.

I stepped away and went to the chambers; they were all identified with dates slipped into a cover on the door of the cold chamber. I felt confused and scared, a bit sick and adrenaline had been rushing through me was fading. I stepped back, looking at each cold chamber as tears clouded my vision; "Oh fuck." I mumbled.

I couldn't make myself even step any closer. I just shut my eyes, holding myself, letting tears fall down my cheeks, down my jaw and onto the neck of my gown. I shivered and shook, waiting for nothing, just wanting to wake up from this nightmare.