Landfill

I managed to keep Ryan away for an entire week. I didn't miss him and I barely thought about him. Really, he was out of my mind so quick, I was surprised to see him the following Saturday.

I had a coffee in my hand while I browsed the horror section of the book store. I literally bumped into him; he stepped back, his bruise face healed a bit since I last saw him. He still had a split lip and a soft yellow bruise beneath his eye.

"Hello Nikki." He smiled at me.

I stood back, looking him up and down; his shoulders slumped forward, his hair combed back almost like James Dean; "Hi Ryan."

He tilted his head a bit to the side, "Can I ask you about last week?"

I sipped at my coffee; forever reminding me of Ryan now; "What about last week?" I questioned.

His head went upright, "I didn't mean to push your buttons."

"You didn't." I replied quickly after him.

He smirked, "I'm sure I did, honey."

My eyes narrowed out of thought, "Okay, apology accepted, Ryan."

He exhaled happily; I turned towards the shelves of books. Ryan cleared his throat, "So, uh, what're you looking for?"

"Anything interesting." I answered with a short shrug.

Ryan stepped closer to me; I could smell his cologne, "Are you writing anything new?"

I looked back at him, catching his eyes, "No. Writer's block is a bitch."

Ryan chuckled, "Yeah, for you, it probably is."

I shrugged my hair off my shoulders, "It's never gone on this long before. I usually manage to write something... But I'm all fuckin' tapped out."

"What do you want to write?" He asked curiously.

"I thought about poetry, but I'm not that well with beautiful words."

Ryan gave a small nod, "I know what you mean."

"What did you go to college for?" I turned to face him fully; I placed my hand on my hip lazily.

"Music." He answered, "I always wanted to be in a band. My dad thought it was a waste of time; he was right."

I frowned, "It's not a waste of time. It's something you love."

Ryan's long fingers combed through his hair; slicking it back, "I couldn't afford it anymore."

"I'm sorry." I spoke this truthfully, "I wouldn't know what I'd do in your position."

Ryan's lips turned up; the slit was chapped over, "I'm glad you see it my way."

"It's only common sense."

He exasperated, almost in an annoyance within himself, "God, I like you... Too much for my own good."

My brow rose, "Why?"

He sucked his teeth, a roll of his eyes added, "Can't you see it, Nikki? You're like... You're perfect."

It was my turn to roll my eyes, "Perfect? Far form perfect, Ryan."

"Mentally, you are. I wouldn't know physically," he touched the sleeve of my cardigan, "I mean, you're dressed as if Vegas is cold."

"I get chilled easily." I answered as I always do; a small shrug added to the end of the sentence.

"And the baggy shirts?"

I frowned deeply, "What does my clothes got to do with me being perfect?"

"Are you hiding underneath all that?"

"Maybe. And if I am, what business is it of yours?"

"I'm just being observant and making a point as to how I see the perfection in you, honey."

I shook my head, "You got a whole lotta lines in thick skull, don't you?"

"Yeah, I do." He laughed softly.

"I don't like them."

"Me either..." He trailed, "Well, not all the time."

I sighed, "Can we touch another subject?"

"Alright," he gave a nod, "Are you into music?"

"Not as much as I think I should be. I like silence."

"Polar opposites." He jested with a smile, "Do you have a favorite band?"

"Uh..." I thought for a moment, "Not really."

"I like the Beatles; have you gave them a listen?"

"Gave them a listen?" I repeated his words, "Yes, yes I have. I like them."

"Do you have a favorite song?"

"I like that one," I started to hum the certain tune in my head, "Octopus's Garden."

He smiled, "My favorite is Act Naturally."

I pointed my finger, nodding, "Yeah, I know that one. From Help!, right?"

"Yep."

"I guess I would say the Beatles are my favorite, then."

"There's so much I need to show you, Nikki." He smiled widely.

"I'm not patient, Ryan. I won't listen forever."

"As long as you listen once, that's all I need."

"Alright."

He exhaled, smile still plastered on his face, "So, what are you doing after you find something interesting to read?"

"I haven't a clue, honestly." I turned towards the book shelf; my eyes scanning but not picking anything particular.

"How about we hang out?" He suggested.

"How about no?"

Ryan placed his arm around my shoulders, "Oh, c'mon. I won't bite you."

"I've been bitten before; you don't scare me." I looked back at him.

Ryan smiled, "I'm not trying to scare you."

I lifted his arm from my shoulder, "Hands off, bub."

"Can't we just go have lunch?"

I sighed, "You're so persistent."

"I just want to get to know you better, Nikki."

"Haven't you learned enough?"

He shook his head, "Nope."

I combed my hand through my hair, "Fine. Fine. We'll have some drinks and maybe beer nuts. I could use some liquor right now."

Ryan's kept the smile perched on his face, "Whatever you want, sweetie."


I put a large dent into my wallet, buying drinks for Ryan and I. Tequila, vodka shots and one beer. The shots seemed to never end as we sat at the bar.

People applauded Ryan and I as we shot them back. Hissing with delight and grimacing at the sharp taste. It was entertaining, the first night in the longest that I had let myself loose. With each shot, Ryan became more enjoyable to be around, and absolutely, obviously, more attractive. I had a moment of insanity and thought about screwing him until the sun came up.

I didn't say this. I held my drunk thoughts to myself. Even in an inebriated state, I knew that spilling that little tidbit would send my confidence into a tailspin.

I didn't speak much, just shouting to the bartender: "Another! Another!"

By the time I stumbled off the stool, Ryan and I were shitfaced. He was holding onto my arm, slurring words to men staring at him. I tugged him along, out towards the door -after paying- and didn't let another fight ensue.

Outside, the cool air made me dizzy, but I managed to keep my petite feet planted on the sidewalk. Ryan waved his arms in the air, on the curb, hailing us a cab. It didn't take long for one to stop before us and we stumbled in.

"Where to?" The cabby asked.

"1860 Bennett street." I told him; my vision blurred, only slightly.

The cabby took off, I clung to Ryan, feeling dizzier. I knew I was drunk beyond my comprehension; I wasn't dumb. This wouldn't end good, was what else I thought. I'd be praying to the porcelain god by morning and wishing the sun would burn out and let me rest. I also knew Ryan would be in the apartment with me.

I liked that thought.

Silly me. Silly hormonal woman. I wanted him. Virgin or not, I wanted him.

The cab stopped a few minutes later and I threw some cash at him. I pulled Ryan out with me, stumbling towards the walk up. I shoved through the glass doors with Ryan and then towards the elevator. Inside, Ryan hung onto me again, his lanky body wrapped around mine, his head rested on my shoulder.

I pressed my floor number, feeling his breath hit my ear; "You're beautiful, Nikki." He murmured against my earlobe, "No joke. This... This isn't the liquor talkin'." He slurred.

I hummed, "So are you." Was my lame response.

"I want you," his teeth caught my earlobe, sending shock waves through my body, "I-I-you're... So beautiful. No lyin'."

I bit my lip and turned my head. Our noses brushed, and our lips mere inches apart. I leaned in to kiss him, but stopped when the elevator doors popped open.

"C'mon," I spoke huskily, "Lets do this inside."