Landfill

The next morning, I called Ilene. I sat on the floor, looking at the numbers jumble around in my eyes. The phone rang 3 times before she picked up; "Hello, Nikki."

I scratched my head out of habit, "I got the check, so I can write you one and give you Ryan's money."

She was silent, and then she sighed, "Thank you, Nikki."

"Yeah. It's no trouble. Uh...could you meet me at the Summerlin Storage Facility?"

"Yes, of course."

"What time is best?"

"An hour?"

"Okay. I'll meet you there."

I hung up with Ilene, and got up; I took my time and got dressed. I grabbed my bag and headed down to the basement. I surpassed my dad, who looked at me curiously, "Where are you going?"

"I'm going to meet Ryan's mom." I said.

"Oh. You're going to give her Ryan's things?"

"Just his money." I answered.

My dad looked confused; "Do...do you need any help?"

I shook my head, "No, I've got it."

My dad kissed my head and let me go down to the basement. I gathered the suitcases and boxes and hauled them up the stairs and into the backseat of my dad's car; not simultaneously. Once that was done, I went back inside and sat at the counter in complete silence; my dad started to play some old folk music from his office. I called out to him, "I'm leavin' dad."

"Be careful, honey." He called back.

I reassured him and left. My head was empty and set on trying to keep from becoming undone again. I would be putting Ryan's things away, possibly shutting most of him out of my life. I felt sick about it, I didn't want to think that. It was a never ending cycle of me trying not to think about what I had to do.

I got to the storage facility and saw Ilene waiting at the entrance. I motioned for her to follow me and she did. I drove to his space and parked out front; I met Ilene just outside the large door, "Why are we here?" She asked.

"This is where his money is." I told her. I got out my bag from the front seat and then my check book; "How do you spell your name?"

Ilene spelled her name for me, I wrote the check and handed it to her. I rubbed my eyes, put my things away and grabbed the keys. "It's a lot, so...I hope you're prepared."

Ilene looked at me with a bit of worry, "Are you alright?"

"Tired..." I mumbled, "You can take the suitcases in the back, they're full of money. I'd put some clothes a top of them before you leave, just in case, ya'know?"

Ilene just nodded and obliged by getting the suitcases out. I opened the storage door and looked at the cash. I exhaled, "Um, Ilene?"

She met me, she paused, "Holy shit."

"You can...uh, keep the..." I struggled to explain, my head and stomach hurt, "The key to, uh, get the money and stuff. You can leave me the key when you go."

"Nikki," Ilene her hand pressed onto my shoulder, "It's alright, I have more than enough."

"I just don't want to have this." I told her.

"Maybe I'll come back if I need more." She joked.

I didn't laugh. "Yeah, maybe."

"It was very sweet of you to do this. I know Ryan didn't think benevolently of me, but I did love him. He was my son...it was George I couldn't stand."

I had some choice words but I held them back. "Can't change what's done." I said.

"It was nice meeting you," she patted my back, "You made my son very, very happy."

I smiled softly, humming, "Your son drove me crazy."

She laughed, "I could only imagine."

Ilene and I left the space and hugged once. She and I said our goodbyes; she more so thanked me more than anything. And then, we left; I wondered if I would see her again; probably.

I drove to the bank and went to put the check into my account. I went inside, biding my time, and once I got to the teller, I slid her the check, she said, "Would you like to cash this?"

I raised a brow, "Uh, no. You guys don't do that with large checks." I gave a laugh.

"We do ma'am," she smiled.

I furrowed my brow, "That's a quarter of a million dollars."

She nodded slowly, "Yes, I see."

"You'd give me all that money right now?"

Again, she nodded, "Yes."

I felt confused, but decided not to push it, "Uh, no. Just deposit. Thanks."

I left soon after, feeling stuck; I looked back, something did not feel right. I shook it off and returned to the car; I sat there for a moment, my head swirling. I took a minute before I drove off and returned home.

Nothing felt right and nothing made sense. I more than wished my world would just stop so I could take a breath.


I was in and out of my parents home following the next couple of weeks. I stayed my apartment, having Elise visit and make me food. I was a bit over grieving and finally excepting that Ryan was gone; though I would never fully accept it. I was heart broken and I missed him. I didn't think I'd ever get over it.

This one day I was home alone, cleaning up while I played music. Jimmy was curled up on my couch; he was a lot bigger than I could actually remember. I managed to occupy myself by cleaning and washing his bedding.

As I vacuumed, I didn't hear a knock come onto my door. I was in my own world; I felt a hand on my shoulder and jumped nearly 3 feet in the air. I screamed dropped the vacuum; "What the fuck!"

I turned off the vacuum and looked at the person; I was slightly scared because I didn't know who he was. He was tall, with a chubby face, dark wavy hair and facial hair that was growing in. He smiled nervously at me, he had a cute little grin I might add.

"C-can I help you?" I stammered.

The guy licked over his lips, "Hi, I, uh, I'm Valdez --Shane." He corrected. "Shane Valdez."

My eyes widened and I felt stuck, "Shane Valdez."

He looked confused, his nervous smile disappeared; "Yeah. You're Nikki Navarro, right?" He looked as if he had done something catastrophic, "Oh, shit. I'm sorry! I was looking for someone--"

I cut him off, "I'm Nikki. I'm her, it's okay." I told him quickly.

He exhaled, looking relieved, "Oh, okay. I'm sorry I just barged in. Molly told me that you'd be here, and someone outside said this is where you lived."

I combed my hand through my hair, and picked up the vacuum, "Molly didn't tell me you were coming."

He shifted on his feet, "I just got in, I don't think she was expecting me to get here so fast."

I began to wrap the cord up and then looked at Shane, "So, uh, what're you doing here?"

"We were suppose to meet in a couple weeks, but I was coming to Vegas for a bachelor party and decided to say hi."

I laughed, "You definitely said hi."

He stuck his hand out, "It's nice to meet you."

I shook it, "Same here."

Our hands dropped after and I rubbed my neck, "Would you like a drink or something? I'm sorry I'm so out of it, I've been trying to clean up to occupy myself."

"Sure, if it isn't much trouble?"

I shrugged, "Follow me, it's fine."

Shane sat at my little kitchen table while I got him some coffee. He talked a bit about his trip and his friend's party. He seemed a little nervous, but he was very kind. I sat with him, sipping my own coffee, engaging in conversation.

"So, you liked my script?" He asked casually.

"I did. Yours was the only one that made sense, really."

"I read your book a billion times and I really wanted to bring it to life, you know what I mean?" He exhaled, "I was so fuckin' excited when Molly called me."

"I'm glad you liked it." I spoke shyly because I wasn't sure how to intercept his complement.

"I still like it," he liked. "My friends know I'm a geek for thrillers."

"Oh, me too." I laughed softly.

We began to talk movies, and then we settled on ourselves. We told each other some things about one another, and I felt very comfortable with Shane -or as everyone called him: Valdez. The conversation turned towards the ideas of where the movie would be shot, and then where we liked to live.

"I love it in New York," he said, "It's busy, but then you drive a few miles and it's nothin' but suburbs and happy people."

"I've only been to New York a handful of times and I barely left the hotels."

"You should see it sometime," he said happily, "I think you'd like it."

"How do you like LA?"

He shrugged slightly, "Uh, it's alright. It reminds me of New York, only everyone in LA is famous and fake."

"That's another place I've never really gotten to see."

"Maybe you'll see more once we start the film."

I nodded in agreement, "Yeah, maybe."