Landfill

Time flew by us in a blur; I had come out of my shy little shell of hiding from press about my books, and the movie. I was in a whirlwind of attention when the movie's trailer was becoming popular, and the book was being praised and read, selling like hot cakes. I found myself nervous about all the attention and the notoriety that my next book; Landfill, was suppose to be a next big hit. I wasn't sure that it would be, though Shane, Lisa and Elaine had said they loved it. Molly was ready to start a film on it already.

I hadn't ever been so scared to disappoint people before. Landfill was set to be released a few months after the movie; entitled Leather Apron; just like the book. I was on edge with nerves, but I ultimately excited about it.

It was around Halloween when we returned to LA for the movie premiere. I tried not to fidget as Molly had me outfitted for the red carpet; there was more of an uneasy feeling than an nervous one. I felt as if someone was watching me; my spine had tingled and I tried my hardest to shake it off.

Severe butterflies attacked once I was fitted into this short, black dress that snug my body, hemmed just above my knees with almost invisible designs and matching black heels. I hadn't ever looked like this before, and I was quite shocked. I had someone doing my hair, another my makeup, and one to teach me how to walk down the red carpet. I was a wreck when I met up with Shane; who wore a breathtaking suit, but with his hair shaggy. Molly had ushered us to the limo; where my uneasy feeling intensified, adding to the butterflies.

"You look amazing." Shane told me once the limo started.

Molly was busy talking on her phone. I looked to Shane and thanked him, "You look good too."

He grinned, "Are you nervous?"

I nodded; my hair was swept to the right of my shoulder; "I've never done anything like this before."

He took my hand in his, "You'll be fine. I've never done this before, either."

I exhaled, "A couple of virgins, aren't we?"

"Yep."

The rest of the ride was over in a matter of minutes and the uneasy feeling slipped away. As we pulled up, there was lots of voices and flashbulbs going off loudly; flashes from cameras and names being called. My heart raced as we all filed out, Molly ahead of us, instructing us what to do.

People called our names as soon as we were in front of every camera. Microphones were thrown out, my name shouted and Molly pulling Shane and I forward, "Nikki!" A woman said my name fast, "How are you?"

I smiled nervously, "I'm fine, how are you?"

The woman spoke fast, asking me about my books and the movie; to which I pulled Shane in and had him talk about it. I beamed at him, watching how easily and happily he answered questions. We moved on, more pictures, our names shouted and then I turned my head a moment; I saw a face, a very familiar face. I did a double take, my heart raced; I swore I saw Ryan. My eyes narrowed as I looked for the person; he had been in plain clothes, holding something, but I didn't see.

"Ryan?" I called out; but my voice was covered over names and flashes.

Shane paused with me, and then squeezed my hand, "Are you alright, Nick?"

I looked to him, "Uh...fine." I exhaled. "Thought I saw someone."

Shane put his arm around my waist, "Who?"

I licked over my lips, "Someone I knew..."

Shane hugged me after we passed everyone and were inside the venue, "Maybe you'll see them inside." He said.

I shook my head, "Doubt it."

I didn't think it was Ryan, just is doppelgänger. It was so eerie, and I wish I could've found that man. I pushed it all out of my mind as we went to our seats.


The movie was a success upon it's release. It received positive reviews, it was in the top 5 for the weeks it was in theaters. When Landfill was released, I went on a book tour, to which I was not used to.

Landfill was extremely well received, I was demanded to talk about it. The tour wrecked me with nerves, because I would be by myself, most of it, and I didn't really want to share my thoughts with anyone about this book. Still, I went, Shane supported me immensely and people loved the book.

One of the few questions I was asked was; "Who is the Narrator? Is he someone you know?"

I could only answer as simply as I could; "It's based around people I've known. One particular person, no...multiple men."

The rest were more so about what I would be writing next, and I could only answer that I didn't know. Because, I didn't. I was feeling this tinge of worry, that haunting feeling of my past filled me with every city I entered. I lived with it, I had no choice but to live with it.

Once the tour was over, I settled in my home with Shane, who was writing more, and beginning to direct little commercials and music videos. We saw each other everyday, we traveled from NYC to LA every other week; and it was fun, it wasn't mundane or tiring. The more time I spent with him, the more I felt as if I was okay; I was fine, I wouldn't be haunted anymore.

To every event we were invited to -both separately and jointed- we went together. The movie got nominated for several awards, and we were each others dates for every single show. When he won an Oscar -which blew me away- he got on that stage and waved at me, grinning; I was on the verge of tears, happy for him.

He held up the golden statue and pointed it at me; "I thank everyone I worked with on this film. But, I have to thank the one person who made this all possible; my wonderful girlfriend, the love of my life, Nicole Navarro."

I swore my heart shot into my throat. I blushed as everyone had cooed and applauded him, a few people around me had patted my back and told me how lucky we were to have each other.

I knew that they were all right.


The years seemed to stack up; time progressed and things between Shane and I were great. We were happy, but never took another step towards anything serious. We did own houses together; one in NY and one in Burbank; we spent most of our time in California.

Shane began directing more films, I helped out whenever I could, but I spent the majority of my time writing. I wasn't sure what I wanted to write next; I wrote a lot about Shane and Ryan, both. My thoughts about Ryan would come and go; whenever I would get this weird feeling.

It was as if he was watching me most of the time. I knew he was dead, and that's what bothered me. He was there, but not there and it was hard to concentrate.

I took lots of trips to Summerlin / Las Vegas, visiting Elaine and Lisa; sometimes I would visit Spencer. Elaine had begun a relationship with a guy name Brian, and Lisa had gotten a quickie marriage to her boyfriend Omar. Spencer was engaged himself, which brought on the idea of moving forward with Shane.

I didn't want to bring it up, because I'm not that kind of person. Though, I've gotten close and personal with Shane, I didn't want to bring up the "M" word. I wanted him to, because then I would know that he wanted to marry me.

I loved him so much; I didn't care if we got married or not, but it was a wondrous and happy thought. Then again, Ryan came to mind, and I thought about when he had given me that ring. I wondered, then, where it was; I didn't fret, the ring didn't matter much to me; I was curious. And then I wondered if Ryan would be upset with me wanting to marry someone else. So, I decided to do what I had done 4 years before; go to Ryan's grave and talk to him.