Landfill

I had this weird feeling in my bones the next morning. It wasn't that ever longing presence on my shoulders, it was more so a feeling of dread. The drop in your stomach and your nerves shot; I smoked nearly a whole pack of cigarettes in 2 hours.

"Jesus, Nicole, are you trying to speed up your death?" My mom joked as she slid a tea cup saucer (my parents didn't have any ashtrays).

"I'm just nervous, that's all." I mumbled.

"How come?"

"I don't know," I flicked ash onto the porcelain plate. "I just...I don't know, mom."

She handed me a cup of warm tea and the bottle of honey; "Well, do you have a meeting or something? A deadline, perhaps?"

I shook my head and expelled smoke away from her face, "No...I'm going to meet with Ilene today. I think she needs some money." I took a deep drag.

"Are you nervous about meeting her?"

"No..." I wasn't entirely sure. "Not really. It's nothing."

"Do you want me to come with you?"

I shook my head and exhaled again, the smoke billowed away, "No, no, I'll be fine."

My mom gave me a warm smile, "Just take deep breaths and stop smoking." She took the cigarette from my fingers and snubbed it out.

I took in a deep breath, "Do you have gum?"


I drove my dad's car to the storage facility; with the window down and my 5th cigarette between my lips, my nerves had relaxed some. I had called Shane up, along the drive, taking my time.

"I'm all nervous." I confessed to him, "You should see me, I'm like a leaf."

"How many cigarettes have you smoked?" He asked with amusement to his voice.

I looked down at the pack in the center console; "Nearly a whole pack. But, listen, babe, I am going to quit. I promise."

He laughed, putting me at ease, "You're lying and I don't care."

I cooed to myself, "Ugh, I miss you."

"I miss you too, Nick. I can't wait until you come back, I got a surprise for you."

I could feel his smile radiating through the phone. My heart thumped, in a good way this time.

"What is it?" I questioned happily.

"I can't tell you, you know that. It's a surprise. You'll like it...I hope."

"If it's from you, I'll love it." I smiled.

He gave a frustrated sigh, "When are you suppose to be back?"

"6 days, babe. It's not called a holiday if it's less than a week." I mused with a small giggle.

He was sending my body into hyperdrive.

"I miss you, Nick. I love you."

"I love you, too, Shaney."

He laughed, "Are your nerves all gone now?"

"Yes, thanks." I replied softly.

"And, slow down on the nicotine, babe."

I smiled, my nerves at ease, "I will."

Hanging up with Shane; I tossed the cigarette butt just as I got to the familiar streets. It was quiet, empty, which was unexpected in Summerlin in the spring. Usually kids would be screaming and hopping around, but not today. It was deserted, with the exception of a few people walking down the blocks and the cars whizzing by. I drove down to the storage facility and looked around; not a soul.

"Where is she?" I asked myself.

I drove past the gates and then parked just outside the office. I grabbed my keys from my pocket, Ryan's key had found a place on my keyring. I walked down the path, towards the storage room; there wasn't anyone around. I unlocked and opened the large door, pulling it up just above my head and went in. It was still the same as it has been; I went and sat on the cushion chair I had found years ago when I first moved to Burbank with Shane; the chair had been dusty and belonged to Ryan's dad, and I couldn't imagine taking it.

I crossed my legs, patted my pockets for my pack of cigarettes, and frowned when I found nothing. I groaned aloud, got up and exited, pulling the door down; I jogged down back to my dad's car and opened the door; I grabbed my pack and found it empty; "Fuck."

I tossed it back in, and went to the office; the owner, an older man named Hank, was behind the desk looking down at his phone; "Hank, I'm going down the street to get some cigarettes, I left the storage door open on C-23 -watch it for me?"

He looked up at me and nodded, "You got it."

"Thanks." I tapped the desk twice and left, the door bells jingling behind me.

I began to walk past the gates and spotted the liquor store on the corner. I went in, bought a pack and some licorice and jogged back; when I did, I noticed Ilene's car parked beside mine. I felt relieved; I waved to Hank as I passed, he waved back. I lit another cigarette, continuing on, looking for a sign of Ilene. I paused a moment to take in a deep inhale, and held it as it burned the palette of my mouth; I blew it out and moved my feet.

It was weird how the feeling sunk back into my body; the hairs on the back of my neck stood up and my steps were slower. I had that feeling of dread; pit of my stomach was sick, my hands grew sweaty and my heart began to pick up pace. I felt like I was going to have a panic attack; but I continued on, even with slow steps. I stopped just outside the corner leading to the storage unit; the door was up half way. I could hear two voices, and I grew suspicious; I wondered if it was Ilene and one of her kids.

I shook of that feeling, tossing my half finished cigarette and went on. I knocked on the door; the voices stopped, "Ilene?"

"It's me." She said softly, "I hope it's okay if I brought someone."

I lifted the door up over my head, my eyes focused on her as the sun beamed overhead, "Yeah." I muttered and went in. But once my eyes focused on the area around me, I saw a familiar face sitting in the cushioned chair.

That face. The hair, the body. The clothes. My heart nearly exploded, "Ryan?" I sputtered his name.

He stood up, "Hey sweetheart. Long time no see."

My eyes grew wide, my heart did explode and my eyes rolled to the back of my head, which I hit on the concrete as I proceeded to pass out.