Merry Christmas from Jail

She was lying in her tiny bed, head towards the window. She could see the snowflakes falling off the night sky. There was colourful lightning around the houses across the street. Everything was ready for Christmas Eve. Well, for everyone who wasn’t stuck in jail.

Carmen sighed and closed her eyes. No, she should not think about the hospital as a jail. She was here to get better. Her retirement home sent her in the hospital after she fell on the floor trying to get out of her bath. At 73, Carmen was still able to do most of her routine by herself. But she knew it wouldn’t be long before she would have to ask for help. The nurses of the home were nice and sweet; she was just not ready to let go and be an old lady who needed to be taken care of.

Her husband died a few years ago, leaving her to live with their son, Gabriel. She gave birth late in life. She always thought she could not have kids, and at 44, she found herself pregnant. He was a gift from God. She enjoyed every moment with him; taking care of him until he left home, at 18. When her husband died, the roles were reversed; he had to take care of her. It was too much too handle for him. He had sent her to the retirement home «for her own good» he said. It’s been almost 2 years now. She could count on her two hands how many times he came to see her since then. Of course, he was working hard as a lawyer and he had a family to take care of. She understood that. But right now, she would kill to see him and her granddaughter Max.

A nurse came in her room without asking, without a smile. She looked at the machines she was linked to. She took notes and then took off. Carmen felt like she was alone in the whole world. Nobody seemed to care about her. Not even people getting paid to look after her.

She remembered a young nurse who came last week just to decorate her room. Her name was Cindy. She was nice and cheerful. She made Carmen sing some Christmas songs while she was sticking some cardboard flakes to the white walls. She brought some garlands that she hung around her bed. She made some cookies that she gave to Carmen.

As she thought about it, she couldn’t help it and she smiled. She decided to call her son. She hardly dialed his number, her arm felt heavy to rise. The pain was excruciating but she really needed to hear his voice. She wanted to feel like she was with him, like she was part his family once again. She waited a few tones before Max answered.

- ''Hi.
- Hey sweetheart. It’s grandma. Merry Christmas my love.
- Oh grandma! I miss you! Are you coming home to help me open my gifts in the morning?''

Carmen tried really hard not to cry. Max seemed so happy to talk to her. She wished she could see her more often.

- ''I won’t be there sweetheart. But I’ll try to see you soon, I promise.
- I’ll keep a piece of cake for you, okay?
- Sure my love! I’m looking forward to taste it.''

She heard Max giggled before someone took the phone.

- ''Hi mom.
- Gabriel. I’m so happy to hear your voice.
- Yeah me too. Listen, we were leaving for the Christmas party. Jen’s parents are waiting for us.
- Oh… It’s okay darling. When will I see you?
- Well… I don’t know. I’m pretty busy these days. Maybe in a few weeks. I’ll try my best to bring Max to you has soon as possible.''

He hung up a few seconds later, leaving her on her own once again. Memories of the past Christmas came to her mind. She remembered the look on his son’s face every Christmas morning when he found the tree surrounded by colourful gifts. She had seen the same reaction in Max when she was two.

Still, she was on her own. She was alone in this empty white room. She could not pay for television, so she had nothing to do. Nobody cared enough to bring her magazines or books. She was bored. She decided to take a nap, or maybe to sleep through the whole night. Who would even care? She could die now and nobody would cry. She knew her son might be a little sad but he would get over it fast. The last thought she had before falling asleep was if it was possible to make your heart stop beating.

She dreamt about her husband. He was sitting on a bench in the park. There were green leaves in the trees, people chatting all around them. She walked to him and sat next to the man.

- ''I miss you'', she said laying her hand on his shoulder.
- ''I know. But your time has not come yet. Be patient.
- I’m sick of waiting. I want to be with you.
- When the time comes, I’ll be by your side. You know I will.''

She knew. But it did not mean she wanted to wait that long.

-''How long do I have left?
- A month, a year, a decade… I don’t know Carmen.
- I’m alone and I have to wait for my time to come? How is that even fair, knowing that I could be with you sooner than later?
- Life still has some gifts for you. Enjoy it baby.''

And he was gone in a blink. She woke up with tears rolling down her cheeks. It was hard to see him, to be so close yet so far away from him. It was painful for her. At that precise moment, she really wanted to die to get to him. Life was meaningless since she was stuck in the hospital without anyone.

- ''God please. Come and get me. I can’t take it anymore. Please…''

And then she cried. She could not keep it inside anymore. It was too much to handle.
She heard some noises behind her door but did not care. The memory of her husband was so vivid it was hard for her to breathe. She hid her face in her hands, sobbing. She did not hear the door opening slowly, as a little girl poked her head inside the room. A tall man pushed her a little and she ran to the bed, screaming.

- ''Grandma!''

Carmen hopped in surprise. The little girl jumped in the bed and threw her little arms around her neck. Was this even real? She brushed her granddaughter auburn hair with her fingers. She sure felt real. The old lady turned her head to the door. Gabriel was standing there, with his arm around Jen’s waist. They were both smiling at her. Carmen looked at Max with a smile.

- ''Oh sweetheart you are so big!
- I’m five now!
- I know baby!''

Gabriel came to the bed and hugged his mother. She held to him like we was about to vanish. He sighed and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

- ''Merry Christmas mom.''

She felt the tears on her cheeks but it was nothing compared to the burst of joy that lighted up her life. She let him go and stared at him.

- ''You are so beautiful my son.
- Just like you.''

Max lyed next to her grand-mother and asked her mom to bring the gift. Jen gave a little box with a bow on it to the little girl. Cheerfully, she handed it to Carmen.

- ''Open it! Please! Open it!
- Calm down little thing! The best part of a gift is the split second where you wonder what is in the box.
- Nah, the best part is to see the gift! And play with it!''

Carmen laughed. Slowly, she opened the little box. There was a little sparkling key in it. She looked at her son, intrigued.

- ''A key? What for?
- We want you to live with us.
- What?''

She was stunned. He laughed at her reaction. He got closer to Jen and put his hand on her stomach.

- ''We might need a little help with Max when the baby comes. And she loves you, so…
- Are you serious?''

Max jumped on her and hugged her even harder than earlier.

- ''Your room will be next to mine!
- Mom, I have made a mistake. I chose my career over my family. I don’t want you to pay for that. You deserve the best. You should be happy. Jen knows I much you count for me. It’s her idea.''

She raised her arms, forgetting the pain, just to hug Jen. She was going to have another grandchild.
She was going to have her family back.

From the corner of her eyes, she saw her husband standing there. She looked at him. He smiled. He did not move his lips, but she could clearly hear him in her head.

- ''You still have so much to live, my love. I’ll be waiting on the other side.''

He blew a kiss and disappeared. She blinked and sighed.

- ''Are you okay mom?
- I’m fine. I still have a whole life ahead of me.''

She smiled at her son and hugged Max. She would never be alone again. Never.