Waiting

“I’m right here. I’ll always be right here,” she whispered, her voice hot on his ear and sending shivers up his spine.

Zayn’s hand gripped the microphone tighter between his palms. They were sweating and making the black instrument slip around. He couldn’t help it though. He was nervous - he was always nervous.

When Harry met his eyes Zayn just shook his head. He didn’t want to be bothered with answering questions anymore. He was tired, so very tired of everyone asking if he was okay.

Because he wasn’t.

And he never would be.

When the rehearsal was called Zayn was the first out the door. He dodged Liam’s extended arm and Niall’s shouts, brushing past an annoyed looking Louis. The bitter New York air greeted him and he bit his lip. Luckily for him, no one noticed the boy with the maroon beanie pulled low over his dark hair slipping into a secluded alley. There Zayn fumbled with his lighter and pack of cigarettes, finally turning away from the wind to be able to light it.

It felt like hours that Zayn stood in the alley alone, watching the smoke and his breath cloud the air and drift away. He wished he could do the same. He wanted to just fly away from all of his problems. He wanted to fly away from her.

He had taken her out to dinner the night before she left. She was happy, grinning at him and telling him how much she loved him. It was obviously a lie. It was two months since she disappeared to the day, when she left him just a note. The note hadn’t absolved anything. Zayn didn’t get why she left and she changed her number immediately so there was no way to contact her. He went to her flat but her neighbors said she moved.

And that was it. That was the last time he had seen or heard from her. Every night she was in his dreams. He would wake up angry, angry at the world, angry at himself. He didn’t know what he did to make her leave. By the end of the day though he was craving sleep where he knew he would see her again.

Zayn stubbed out his cigarette with the tip of his boot, shuffling out of the alley with his hands in his pockets. He checked the main sidewalk for anyone he thought might recognize him but there was no one around. He sighed and hailed a cab.

The ride back to the hotel was quiet. The cabbie had some Eagles on the radio but it was so quiet that Zayn couldn’t drown out his thoughts. Instead he turned to stare out the window. It had been a while since he had been to New York and he missed all the sites that the city had to offer. A group of girls was standing outside a bakery, one of the girls staring inside and pointing. Her friends laughed and moved inside, leaving one outside. Her phone was clutched in her grip and she was looking at it intently.

Zayn’s heart almost stopped in his chest as he noticed how similar this girl looked to Victoria, his ex. Her hair was the same shade of carmel with hints of blonde highlights remnant of the summer. The girl ran a hand through her hair and turned, eyes scanning over the road as she leaned against the building.

“Stop!” Zayn practically yelled at the cabbie. The man slammed on the brakes and Zayn tossed a handful of cash at him.

He crossed the crowded street quickly, dodging other pedestrians as well. It was her. She was there in New York. Zayn stopped in his tracks on the sidewalk when her friends came out. He was a few feet behind her, but he didn’t know what to do.

He had never considered what he would do when he saw her again, if he ever did. Now he was standing a mere three feet behind her and he was speechless. He wanted to yell at her, to ask her why she had to rip his heart out and step all over it.

“Victoria,” he meant to be louder but his voice came out as barely a whisper.

“Vic,” he repeated, louder this time, his throat constricting from nerves. His tongue felt like lead.

This time she heard him. Victoria stopped and turned. The color instantly drained from her face when she locked eyes with Zayn. Her friends stopped, wondering why she wasn’t walking with them still. They looked back and forth between the two, confused.

Zayn took a step forward but Victoria took one backwards.

“Don’t,” he cried out hoarsely. “Don’t do it again.”

Zayn’s eyes welled up. She looked so happy, like she wasn’t affected by their break up. Zayn on the other hand was breaking all over again. Just seeing her again was hurting him.

Victoria hesitated but walked quickly towards him. “How did you find me?”

“Why did you leave?” he asked, talking right over her. “Why did you do that to me?”

Victoria’s eyes welled up with tears as she took his hand in hers. “Zayn-”

“No!” Zayn shouted, yanking his hand away from her. “Don’t pretend to be upset Victoria. I don’t want any of your bullshit. Just tell me why!”

She bit her lip, something he knew she did when she was feeling nervous. Then she nodded, signaling her friends to leave and turning back to Zayn. He stared at her and she offered a half-smile.

“Let’s go back to your hotel. We need to talk.”