Disasterology

I woke up to a horrified scream coming from upstairs.
It had to be Kellin. No one else was here.

I jumped up from the couch and ran upstairs. The screams continued along with the sound of banging.
I opened the door, and ran inside.

Kellin was tossing and turning on the bed, screaming out and crying.
I ran over and climbed onto the bed. I hugged him in my arms to try to calm him down. He thrashed in my arms and pulled at my hair.

“No…! No! NO!!! STOP!!! JUST KILL ME ALREADY!!! I WANT TO DIE!!!”

…What…?

“Kellin…?”
“Please…just kill me…I don’t want…”

My heart shattered to pieces as tears spilled from my eyes.
Soon I heard soft snores come from him, meaning he was asleep again. I laid him back onto the bed and lay next to him.
I petted his hair gently as I continued to cry.

This…it’s all my fault…

I soon passed out on the tear-soaked pillow.
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“Hey…Hey….Vic…?”

I opened my eyes to see Kellin hovering over me. I sat up quickly, nearly colliding heads with him.
“Sorry if I scared you…!” He chewed on his lip.

“Are you okay…?” “What do you mean…?”

“You don’t remember what happened last night…?” He shook his head.
“I know that I had a really bad nightmare…but…I can’t remember what it was…”

I sat there in silence.

He didn’t remember what he said…the words that cut through my chest like a knife…the words that made me fear the worst…

“What happened last night?”
I shook my head. “Nothing…do you want breakfast?” He nodded shyly.
I smiled and held his hand in mine as I led him downstairs.

I had to try my best not to break down and cry again. But…this…I hate all of it…!
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There wasn’t anything that was needed to be done today, so we settled on watching a couple of movies.

Even that wasn’t the same…

I was so used to him curled up at my side, giggling as I placed loving kisses all over his face and neck. Sometimes we were too occupied with each other to even watch the movie and have a small gist on what it was about. Other times we would just forget about the movie and fall asleep on the couch, wrapped in each other’s arms.

Now…we’re barely touching as the pictures flashed across the screen of the TV. I glanced at him and saw that he had Mr. Stuffykins in his arms.

At least he remembers him. I wish I was the one in his arms right now, though…

I tried to choke back the tears.

I miss him so much…I miss the kisses…the “I love you” that constantly come out of our mouths when we feel that we don’t express it enough…I miss the tickle fights…I miss how we can’t keep our hands off each other for ten minutes, even if we really wanted to…

It’s only been four days and it’s already killing me.
I couldn’t hold back the tears. I let each one fall…slow and silent.

I…I just want him back…