Disasterology

I shouldn’t have kissed him…
But…everything was so overwhelming…I’ve never seen him that angry before…I was scared…

I just missed him…I needed him badly…

When he apologized like a little kid who broke his sibling’s toy…I lost it.

I kissed him…then he ran off.
To say I was heartbroken was an understatement.

I threw the rest of the glass into the trash and walked downstairs.
Kellin was curled up on the couch, Mr. Stuffykins in his arms.

I’ll have to admit: it was really adorable.
I just still wish that it was me in his arms…

I walked over to the couch and sat next to him.
He stirred a little in his sleep and I nearly darted back upstairs.
But then…he grabbed my arm.

His eyes were open, blue orbs staring at me. I looked away, quickly.
I felt the couch shift a bit. I glanced and saw that he was closer to me. I sighed.

“Kellin…I…”

I was cut off as his lips pressed against mine. I tensed up a bit out of shock, but then I relaxed a little and let myself melt into the kiss. A tear escaped from my eye and rolled down my cheek.

I missed this…I missed this so much…

We were breathless in a matter of seconds, and he pulled away.

I felt so lost…so incomplete…

Another tear slid down my cheek. “Vic…don’t…don’t cry.”
I shook my head. I couldn’t stop the tears now.

He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into a hug. I cuddled closed to him, crying my eyes out.
He rubbed my back, causing a small moan to slip from my mouth.

Great…

He continued to rub calming circles on my back. I guess he didn’t notice. I bit down on my lip to prevent any more moans from escaping.

His touch…it still drives me so insane…his scent is still the same…

Kellin is still in there somewhere…I know it…
I want him to remember…I want him to remember our friends…I want him to remember himself…I want him to remember us…

But then again…do I really want him to remember what happened to him that day…? Do I really want him to remember all of the horrible things that have happened to him…?

No I don’t.

If he’s happy with the way everything is, then I don’t want him to remember…

My chest ached.
I know my heart isn’t satisfied with my decision, but it’s for the best. Right?

We can pull through this.
Can we?