I'll Carry You Home Tonight
Chapter 1
The light punched through the gap in the curtains slicing through the dim light in my room and making my eyes hurt, I rolled over lazily and looked at the time 5:45 I had only been asleep an hour and felt okay. I pushed myself up on to my elbows and slipped out of my warm bed.
As I trudged along the hall to the bathroom I could hear Nanas oxygen tank hissing as she inhaled and exhaled it was a relief because it meant she was still alive.
Since I was a year old my nana had raised me, and still to this day I have no idea who my parents are. I hardly know anything about them apart from what nana had told me My mother was a promiscuous drinker constantly contracting STD after STD until she fell for me then she shut herself away in hysterical tears nearly every day for nine months until she eventually gave birth. Nana said she did try to raise me as a single parent after all she wasn’t sure who my father was but looking down at my olive skin my nana is convinced it’s the Greek boy from the market who got caught up with loan sharks and was never seen again. Mum couldn’t cope and gave me over to my nana and then disappeared no one has seen her around this area for 17 years.
I stepped in to the warm pulsing water of the shower and washed away the shame and hurt from the night before, it still remained a blur I can remember a boy with shaggy auburn hair and green eyes kissing my neck and caressing my breasts I can remember brightly coloured test tube shooters the rest is all darkness.
I wrapped the warm towel around me and plodded down stairs and in to the kitchen it still smelled of cooking the warm soft scent filled my lungs and allowed for a small amount of comfort. I prepared my cereal and sat down in the front room to eat. I browsed over my time table for the day and finished some homework before going upstairs to wake nana up.
I walked in to her room silently as her scent enveloped me in safety the walls still had that faded floral wallpaper her bed spread floral as well she refused to redecorate as grumbles had hung the wallpaper for her whilst she was pregnant with my mother. I stepped over to the bed and stopped next to her small mahogany bedside cabinet in a frame under her lamp was a picture of me grumbles and her when I was much younger. I smiled slightly and gently nudged her shoulder
“Nana it’s time to get up”
She rolled over and removed her oxygen mask I flicked the tank off and smiled down at her her accent was strong
“”good morning my little matryoshka”
She was Russian and beautiful her soft blue eyes filled with love her soft silver waves framed her gaunt face, the cancer was ravaging her body and I knew time was limited.
“want me to go make your porridge and tea”
“Yes please I’ll be down in a minute”
I left the room to prepare breakfast and heard her coming down the stairs as I was rolling a cigarette. She looked at me from across the table
“Why you smoke little one its bad for your skin”
“nana I’ll be fine I’m 18 I can look after myself”
I smiled back as she replied
“You would like to think that you would be lost without me”
I nodded stood up and kissed her on her cheek
“Im going to school nana don’t forget your meds and take it easy I’ve got my cell if you need me”
She smiled and gave my hand a gentle squeeze
“I love you Amber”
“I love you too Nana”
We were close and I liked it she was my world
As I left the door I heard her shout
“Be good and if you can’t be good be careful”
I laughed and closed the door and began my journey to school my head still trying to piece together the night before.
As I trudged along the hall to the bathroom I could hear Nanas oxygen tank hissing as she inhaled and exhaled it was a relief because it meant she was still alive.
Since I was a year old my nana had raised me, and still to this day I have no idea who my parents are. I hardly know anything about them apart from what nana had told me My mother was a promiscuous drinker constantly contracting STD after STD until she fell for me then she shut herself away in hysterical tears nearly every day for nine months until she eventually gave birth. Nana said she did try to raise me as a single parent after all she wasn’t sure who my father was but looking down at my olive skin my nana is convinced it’s the Greek boy from the market who got caught up with loan sharks and was never seen again. Mum couldn’t cope and gave me over to my nana and then disappeared no one has seen her around this area for 17 years.
I stepped in to the warm pulsing water of the shower and washed away the shame and hurt from the night before, it still remained a blur I can remember a boy with shaggy auburn hair and green eyes kissing my neck and caressing my breasts I can remember brightly coloured test tube shooters the rest is all darkness.
I wrapped the warm towel around me and plodded down stairs and in to the kitchen it still smelled of cooking the warm soft scent filled my lungs and allowed for a small amount of comfort. I prepared my cereal and sat down in the front room to eat. I browsed over my time table for the day and finished some homework before going upstairs to wake nana up.
I walked in to her room silently as her scent enveloped me in safety the walls still had that faded floral wallpaper her bed spread floral as well she refused to redecorate as grumbles had hung the wallpaper for her whilst she was pregnant with my mother. I stepped over to the bed and stopped next to her small mahogany bedside cabinet in a frame under her lamp was a picture of me grumbles and her when I was much younger. I smiled slightly and gently nudged her shoulder
“Nana it’s time to get up”
She rolled over and removed her oxygen mask I flicked the tank off and smiled down at her her accent was strong
“”good morning my little matryoshka”
She was Russian and beautiful her soft blue eyes filled with love her soft silver waves framed her gaunt face, the cancer was ravaging her body and I knew time was limited.
“want me to go make your porridge and tea”
“Yes please I’ll be down in a minute”
I left the room to prepare breakfast and heard her coming down the stairs as I was rolling a cigarette. She looked at me from across the table
“Why you smoke little one its bad for your skin”
“nana I’ll be fine I’m 18 I can look after myself”
I smiled back as she replied
“You would like to think that you would be lost without me”
I nodded stood up and kissed her on her cheek
“Im going to school nana don’t forget your meds and take it easy I’ve got my cell if you need me”
She smiled and gave my hand a gentle squeeze
“I love you Amber”
“I love you too Nana”
We were close and I liked it she was my world
As I left the door I heard her shout
“Be good and if you can’t be good be careful”
I laughed and closed the door and began my journey to school my head still trying to piece together the night before.