One in a Million

Breathe, breathe, breathe….oh god please stay with us…..By this point it was too late she slipped away giving birth to our baby girl. What was am I supposed to do now? I stared down at the angelic face in my arms and smiled through my tears. “I’ll figure out something for us Serena…Daddy promises.” I whispered to her kissing her delicate soft cheek before the nurse came in and gave me a soft smile and a cup of coffee. “I know it’s tough but I have to take her for a while. I suggest eating something it will help pass the time and I’ll come and get you when you can have her again.” She was compassionate and I nodded as she took my girl from me, leaving me feel very empty. I watched as they began to leave and before closing the door the nurse looked back once more and said, “By the way ask for the number twelve.” I nodded and sat a few moments staring at the empty bed.

I forced my way down to the cafeteria eyes red and swollen, body sore and heavy. I stood staring at the menu board for several minutes, but it only went to eleven. I shuffled up to counter where an elderly lady stood smiling and waited. “What can I get for you honey?” I fumbled for my wallet while ordering. “I was told by my nurse to ask for the number twelve, but the board…” She laughed and smiled wider. “It’s a secret among staff and we offer it to the vegans and loved ones o someone who passed here.” I gave her a slight chuckle staring off into space. “It’s funny that I’m both then.” She gave me a knowing smile. “It does get easier hun, trust an old lady on this.” I thanked her and waited down the line for my food.

I hadn’t left the room since the delivery I hadn’t even told anyone what had happened, yet I knew our friends and family were waiting. I’m guessing my brother saw me from across the large room by how out of breath he was when he ran over. “So Mikey how’d everything go we are dying to hear.” I cringed at the word dying and he eyes widened and instantly wrapped me in a hug as I lost it again. “She didn’t make it Bryan, I lost the woman I love, and the last thing she said to me was “take care of her I love you.” Bryan she’s gone…” he held me tighter. “Oh Michael I’m so sorry bro. Is the baby…?” I nodded “Serena is alright, she’s in the nursery area for now the nurse wanted me to eat. Bryan grabbed my tray for me and carried it to the table and I followed reluctantly.

I poked at my plate as my eyes burned more form the tears. I noticed Bryan stand up and move towards the rest of our friends that were waiting, her parents sadly weren’t even here anymore, though probably for the best. “You ok man?” I nodded not bothering to look up as I shoved a bite of the spicy red mass in my mouth. Spicy tofu this does make me feel a bit better. “Well we are all going to be here for you. Mike, you are family to all of us.” I looked up and forced a smile. “Thanks Craig, it means a lot; it’s not going to be easy.” He nodded and he patted my back.

That night I sat in the small white room holding my baby as she slept, my mother and brother with me. “So Michael what are you going to do?” My mother asked softly petting her hair. “I’m not sure mom, I have to be strong for her, but it’s going to be really hard, I’m not ready to go back to that house…I don’t know that I ever will be.” She rubbed my back slightly and kissed my cheek and cooed about me being her big boy. “Well…” Bryan looked over at me, “You and Serena can come live with me. You don’t have to pay rent, just help with bills and I’ll help you with her since I helped mom with Mary.” I nodded and gave him a half smile. “Thanks Bryan. I think that will help a lot.” My eyes snapped to my arms as she shifted and gave a sneeze and, startled herself. “Awh Serena sweetie shh it’s ok daddy is here. Don’t cry.” I rocked her nuzzling he cheek, not caring if my brother laughed at me. She was my girl and I was going to love her no matter what enough for both myself and her mother.