Nightmare

It was just another day for me. It's been like this for a week now. What do you mean, you ask. Well I've been dead for a week. I know. Pleasent right... Wrong. For the past week I've watched my fiancee cry over me. Watched my best friends grieve and try to help him. It wasn't fair. I wanted to help him. I've spent countless of hours yelling, and screaming. Just trying to get his attention. He can't hear me unsuprisingly. I'm a ghost for gods sake.

"Dude, I don't know what we can do. I haven't seen him like this since Jimmy's death." Matt was talking on the phone with Jason Berry. JB and MB were my cousins. That was how we'd been introduced. Me falling for Brian instantly. At that time he'd been with Michelle.

"We have to do something Shadz. We all miss her. She was my cousin. We can't lose him with us being in the middle of a tour. I know that shit makes me sound heartless, but it's facts. Kat really wouldn't want him to be like this." Jason replied. Damn right I don't want him to be like this. It's been a week though. All the guys had technically been crying over it. They were all effected they just weren't as distraught as Brian.

"I know this. Fuck yeah this makes you seem heartless, but your right. We are on tour. We can't lose him. I'm gonna call Larry and ask for some time off. The we can all head back to Huntington for the funeral." Matt looked tired as he rubbed his eyes. I felt bad.

"Yeah. How much time."

"I don't know dude. A month? This shit will take time to get over. We're all upset. Look at Val. Every time I've talked to her on the phone she's been crying. I need to be there for her."

"I hear ya man. Look I gotta go. Call Larry up and tell him."

"Yeah ok. See ya later dude." Matt hung up his phone and rubbed his face.

This had taken it's toll on all the guys. I'd been with them for six years. We all shared a bond. So looking a Matt now and seeing him upset was as bad as when I stayed with him after Jimmy passed. I moved forward so I was sitting by him. I reached out to touch him. It was pointless. My hand would just pass right through him.

"Matty. Everything is gonna get better." I promised him. My eyes filled with tears. They would never fall again. I watched Matt. He pressed his palms into his eyes. It took me a few seconds to realize that he was crying. His shoulders shook lightly. I sniffled. It was quite a sight to see a man his size and covered in tattoos, cry.

"Why'd you have to leave us to Kat?" Matt thought he was just speaking to thin air but he wasn't.

"I didn't want to Matt. I'm just sorry that Val had to be there to see it." I whispered.

A week ago today Val and I had been out shopping for my wedding dress. We were eating lunch at some little bistro in Hollywood when these guys had gotten out of a van about a block away and came inside wearing masks. They had come in and started shooting anything and everything. They shot 15 people in there. 6 of them died, including me. Val was in the restroom at the time. I was very thankful for that. After the guys had left with the money or whatever they came for. Val had come rushing out of the restroom with the police on the phone. I was still alive when she found me lying on the ground in a pool of my own blood. I had been crying.

"Val! Promise me something." I had told her. She was crying by now. Yelling at me to keep my eyes open. "Val please, listen." She'd stopped yelling. "Tell the guys I'm sorry. Tell them I love them. Tell Brian that I love him."

"I want have to cause you're gonna make it Katherine Maria Mayfield! Do you understand." She shouted.

"I'm sorry you had to see me like this Vally. You've always been a sister to me." Those were the last words I'd ever spoke. Val had sat there crying over me for 15 minutes until the police and paramedics showed up. When they took me away on the stretcher Michelle and Gena had arrived and were crying along with them. It was at that point that I realized I was standing right next to them. Immediately I had tried to get their attention. As you can imagine. Nothing worked. It had been pointless.

I sighed as I felt that familiar tug and pull sensation in my stomach. I had no idea what it meant. It made me uncomfortable. I didn't know what it meant. I had a feeling it was important; but I didn't know how. I would hopefully find out eventually. I glanced back over at Matt.

"It feels like you are in the room Kat." I grinned and jumped up and began hollering!

"Matthew Charles Sanders. You brilliant fool. I'm right in front of you. I'm right here." I waved my arms around frantically. He didn't even flinch. I felt my mood plummet. "I'm right here." I whispered.

Matt stood and left the room. I plunked right back down on the couch. I sighed. Why am I still here? Why didn't I move on? I thought you did that when you died. Not stay here. Is this all death is. Loneliness for eternity. Maybe I wasn't meant to go to Heaven and as punishment God left me here to walk around for all of eternity. He couldn't have picked a better punishment if that was the case. A part of me knew that wasn't it. I was here for a reason. What that reason is... I hope I figure it out eventually.