Losing Him Was Blue!

16 Months Later

Cool, crisp Manhattan air swirled around us when we stepped off the plane at JFK; my 16 month old daughter clinging to my hand. I scooped her in my arms and carried her through the doors.

People were bustling around, trying to get to their destinations, and meet up with their families; which was what I was trying to do, my Dad was supposed to meet us at the baggage claim.

I couldn't even begin to believe that I just spent close to two years in the backwoods of Skelleftea, raising Lucia with my Mother. Lucia loved the snow, she would kick it around and roll in it.

I didn't know how much she'd like North America, but this was going to be our home, now. Mom cried for twenty minutes before we even left the house, saying she was going to miss us, but knew it was going to happen eventually. I made it clear the day I moved, that I'd only stay until after I had my baby and things cooled down.
"Bunny," He cried over the mass of people.

I turned, and immediately made a bee-line for him standing off to the side by the windows. I didn't bring much back with me, basically the necessities and clothes. Dad said he bought most of what we would need. I stepped around an older lady and made it to my father, giving him a tight hug.

Lucia was smushed into his chest, giving off a hearty giggle. We parted and he looked at Lucia, wrapping her hands around his finger. I knew his heart was hers, from now on. "And this beauty must be Lucia," He looked at me. Obviously Dad. I wasn't going to have another baby, atleast not right now. "Is that how you pronounce it? Loo-sha? Or is it Loo-ka?"

I smiled, grabbing my giant hockey bag off the claim and followed him through the doors. Dad had a hold of Lucia, carrying her on his shoulders. "It's Loo-sha, Dad, it was Sidney's name,"

"Oh," He abruptly turned to me after we got the bag in the back of his Escalade. I noticed a carseat in his backseat and rolled my eyes. He fastened her in and got in the drivers seat beside me in the passenger. "You and Sidney have been talking?" He started the car and waited for another car to pass before he drove out onto the road. JFK was by far, the biggest airport I had ever seen or even been to.

I frowned. "No, no... we uhm, haven't talked for almost two years," I sucked in a deep breath. "I mean, Lucia will be 2 in April," I was amazed at how fast she was growing up. Her birthday just passed on April 11, with her turning a year old. She was looking more like Sidney with every passing day.

His eyes were her most dominant feature, everything was told with her eyes; the mood she was in, if she liked something, was confused or pissed off. The same way Sidneys did.

"Emily," He had a stern tone to his voice. I huffed, knowing where this was going. "Look, you're 19 now, I know you want to protect her, but Sidney has every right to know about her, I would want to know about my daughter, because he's going to find out whether you want him to or not,"

"Dad," I sighed, giving him a respectful smile. "Why do you think I'm back in Manhattan? I need to tell him," I just wasn't prepared for him to freak out and tell me I'm a whore and that Lucia isn't his. If he told me she wasn't, I'd laugh in his face, she was practically his mini-me. "She's almost two, he's going to be pissed,"

"I would be," Dad patted my knee. I brushed my bang out of my eyes and looked into the mirror. I had big cat eye sunglasses on, covering my blue eyes. I was definitely going to be incognito, trying to keep my face out of the press. I even went as far as dying my hair brown.

I always wanted to be a brunette, so I went for it and even got my hair straightened. I felt like I wasn't even the same Emily Nicole Miller that I once was. "Let's go for lunch, Carries out, so I have nothing to do at home," I rolled my eyes. Ah, the infamous Carrie. He was still engaged and I guess he really cared about this girl. She was 24 now, and he was 54.

"Sounds good," I peeked over the seat at Lucia, pulling her feet to her mouth. She had Sidney's curly dark brown hair, that I put pig tails in, to keep it out of her face.

- - - -
"Lucia," I turned towards my daughter, sitting in the highchair pulled up to our table. She was smushing the peas off her plate into her face. "Eat it, don't play with it," I scolded, wiping off her face with my napkin. Once my napkin left her face, her hands met the potatoes and they were smeared all over her face. I rolled my eyes.

Dad patted my hand. "Believe me, she gets that from you," I smiled, watching her out of the corner of my eye licking the potatoes off her fingers. "I remember one time, your mother and I took you to this Bistro in Stockholm, you had to be 2, maybe 3, and we were eating soup, you stuck your face in the bowl and ended up wearing the bowl as a hat," I dropped my jaw. "Oh yeah, your Mother was so embarassed, but I laughed because it was cute,"

"Everywhere else she uses a fork, but once we eat out, she has to turn into a caveman and stick her face in everything," I chuckled, knowing I'd have to give her a bath when we get back to my Dads. She had food everywhere, the potatoes were all over her hair and face, mixed with the peas and carrots.

"Emily, she's only little once," Dad smiled, reaching over to Lucia and wiping off the potatoes from her ear. "Cherish these moments, I mean, one day your daughters are gonna be Mom's and it feels like you blink and they're all grown up," He looked back at me. "I still can't believe you're a Mom,"

"I've had her for 16 months and it just feels like it's still settling in, that this is my daughter," I felt my emotions coming up to the surface. "I'm a Mom now, I feel like I'm not a little kid anymore and the choices I make will affect her too," No more one-night stands or late-night partying. I wanted to make my daughter proud to be mine and feel like I gave it all to give her the best life possible.

"Have you thought about school? Mom told me you didn't finish," I knew this was going to come up. My school career was put on hold, because of getting pregnant and moving. I wasn't going to quit school, I was determined to finish. I feel like I'm at a good place where I can continue school.

"Mom told you?" I realized what he said. Mom said they haven't talked since she kicked him out.

"Yes, your Mother and I keep in touch, just because we aren't married anymore, doesn't mean we aren't still parents to you three," He explained to me. I felt like I was still a child with the way he kindergartened it up. "Emily, two people can not be together anymore, but still have to keep in touch where there are kids involved,"

"Dad," I knew what he was getting at. He held his hands up, making it like he was trying to be casual about it. "I know what you are saying, but it's harder than just us splitting. He didn't want her!" I blurted out. My Dad looked taken back, with his jaw dropped. Lucia mimiced him by dropping her jaw with him. She obviously had no clue what was going on, but reacted the way others did. He whispered 'what?' under his breath.

I nodded my head. "Yes, I found I was pregnant when we were together and things were great and then, he told me that kids weren't part of his plan right now... so I lied about not being pregnant, and that's why I left, not because we weren't compatible, he thinks we broke up because of a fight he got into,"

Dad was awestruck, with his hand over his mouth. Lucia looked between us and began to giggle and smack her hands on her tray. "Oh Emily," He patted my hand. "Why didn't you tell me that?"
I took my hand back. "It doesn't matter, I'm better off without him and so is Lucia," I played with one of her pigtails. "Anyway, enough about me. What is up with you and the pre-schooler?"

He narrowed his eyes. I smiled, knowing I call her that just to get him pissed off. "We're planning a wedding in October sometime," Good lord. He was serious about actually physically marrying this kid... Really? She was 24 years old and still thinks the moon is made of cheese.

"God, keep it away from my birthday," I waved my hands. "Believe me, if I have to choose between an illegal underage wedding or my 20th birthday, I'm probably going to go with my birthday," I sipped the wine from the glass. Wine at 11AM sounds pretty good to me.

"Yours was an option," He smirked. I glared, knowing it was probably the pre-schooler who started this. "But it's on Canadian Thanksgiving, so we may go with the day after... more around the 9th,"

"Don't do that to Lennon," I patted his hand. "He will haunt you for marrying a baby,"

"She's 24," He spat. I rolled my eyes. "Emily, she's going to be my wife and your new step-mother, you're going to have to stop being so childish,"

"Like hell she's going to be my new step-mother," I glared. "Dad, you're marrying a girl who is three years older than me, two years younger than your son and five years younger than Farrah, you're really... adopting in my eyes,"

He sighed, putting his fingers through his hair. "Well..." He slowly looked up at me. I was afraid of what he was going to say, the look on his face was almost creepy. "We're expecting a baby in the Spring,"

"Nice one Dad," I laughed. "There are laws against that you know,"

"She's 24, it's not like she’s 16,"

"You are 30 years older than her, she's practically sleeping with her father," I blurted out. "Though knowing you, she probably is,"

"Just stop," He put both hands out, silencing my next sentence.

"Emily, I love this girl, and we will have a baby and get married whether you like it or not,"

"Dad, she's stupid. She thinks the moon is made of cheese for godsakes. Honestly, I found out that was a lie when I was 6," I waited for him to say something, anything. "Does Mom know about you and... Carrie? How about Farrah? Matt?"

"Actually..." He sighed, rubbing his neck. I found guys do that when they get nervous. "Your Mother and I were planning a family dinner and I'm going to introduce everyone to Carrie," I scoffed, giving him a knowing look. Does he even grasp what Matt and Farrah will say about Carrie? Or my Mother? "I heard Alaina has a new beau,"

"Beau?" I laughed, knowing what the word meant, but found it funny coming from my Dad. "Yeah, some Rohan guy, he's from Barbados, he's gorgeous, Dad, I think he's 51,"

"That's younger than me," He scrunched his eyebrows. My Mom and Dad had a rather large age gap between them, and I thought the age gap was probably one of the reasons why they split up. Dad was 54 and my Mother was 45. She didn't look a day over 25, she took such good care of herself and her skin, followed a diet and an exercise regime. "Are you going to introduce everyone to your new boyfriend?"

I huffed, running my fingers through my hair.

"I guess so, if Claude is up to it," I was preparing for everyone, especially TK to judge me. I met Claude Giroux, the boy from the bar back in Sweden in May, after his team got wiped out of the playoffs and he decided to come do some summer training with the Skelleftea AIK, our SEL league team.

We got talking and I found I had a lot in common with him, we went to dinner and bing, bang, boom, we ended up getting together. He knows all about Lucia and thinks she's adorable, but I still haven't told him who her father is.

I know that Sid and Claude were enemies, stemming from junior, and I also found it amazing that Claude hasn't figured out who I am. "Where would we do this dinner? When? Mom's working, Matt's playing football, Farrah is pregnant again," Farrah called up my Mom a few months ago and announced her and Jeff, would be welcoming their second child soon, her son Carter was now 6.

"Probably rent a small house in the Hamptons around Christmas, stay for about a week," He smiled, turning to Lucia and letting her take his finger between her potato covered hand. "I miss you kids, and you're all so grown-up," He sighed. "I just want a nice dinner,"

"I'm in," I patted his hand, letting him know I'll be there for him. "I'll help you plan and get a hold of Matt and Farrah,"

"Thanks bun," He held my hand in his. "I miss our little talks,"

"Me too," It had been years since my Dad and I actually sat down and talked, one on one. I missed everything about him. He was my best-friend and my hero growing up.

Dad paid the cheque against my wishes and we headed back to the house. Carrie was out of town for the day, so it was just me, Dad and Lucia.

Dad watched Lucia while I ran our stuff up to my room. He had a crib set up in my room, with some stuffed animals for her.

I set my MacBook on my bed and lifted the lid, placing it on the charger and accessing my e-mail. Only one stuck out.
TK sent me an e-mail at 9:34 am.

'Hey Beyotch, have you come back to America? When you finally do, you and I need to get together. Miss you. Bring your daughta'
I laughed, lightly shaking my head and quickly typing him back.
'Lucia and I are in Manhattan with my Dad right now.

Whenever you want to get together, just let me know. I'm basically plan-free right now, 'cause you know, I got no friends...'

I haven't exactly tried to get a hold of Layla and Jake, but I was dreading it. I disappeared for two years, without so much as a goodbye. I understand why they would be pissed. It was going to be awkward to face them...